ok... so I sooo wanted to stay on longer yesterday, but my computer kept freezing so I finally gave up...

I have my sister's bday thing this afternoon at 2pm (it's 9:16am here now) and I'm not really sure if I wanna go. I know I have to, but Sunday's are kinda my lounge around the house in my jammies and don't do a damn thing kinda day ... unless I choose to go to church, which I do enjoy if I don't have to cart all 3 kids with me (when I take them I don't get to enjoy the service)...

So how is everyone else?

*hugs all*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Kelly*

*hugs back* :)

*offers hugs to everyone*

*Hugs Laura* How are you hun?

not fantastic. i don't know. i keep cleaning because everything is dirty after last night... my apartment building had some plumbing issues b/c of my neighbors... but ive cleaned it all twice... and i cant stop. i just clean and clean... i can't concentrate on uni work.

how about u?

cuddles all curls up. hmm why is it no matter what i do i end up screwing up. shouldnt have got up today

Flat Laura , I'm sorry you need to clean so much :S *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

*cries* and also I HAVE to go swimming tomorrow and I cut words on my arm last night, ****

I have a Horrible Feeling that I'm slipping into a Depression , It's been about a week and was flat every day bar one and on that day I got upsetting news and was straight back to Flat Depression . I don't know what to do , I know I'm whineing . Motivation? nope , Concentration? Nope , Ability to form words? I'm struggling . Sorry everyone :S

*Hugs Oliver* Can you get out of the Swimming? I'm sorry you injured . I did today too :( *Extra Hugs*

*cuddles Mark* sorry your slipping into a depression, I know how much it sucks.

I can't get out of swimming as its a trans swimming group and I'm taking my friend who I'm staying with, as she is also trans and she can't go on her own as she is blind. so I have to go and I only have a short sleeve top for swimming :(

*Bed Time Squishes All My Wardies*

Good luck tomorrow Oliver!

thanks Mark, night *hugs*

*walks in and curls up in a corner*

sorry I havent been here for such a long time.

*curls up in corner* sleepy.

how are you risingfromtheashes12? (sorry.. don't know your name)

*hugs Laura and Heather*

*hugs oliver*

*goes off to get some sleep* good night all

*Curls up*

*hugs Laura* night

*hugs Charlie* you ok?

*spots and hugs Solo*

Thanks Oliver! ~Hugs back~

*Hugs Oliver*
I really don't know....

*hugs and holds Charlie*

*hugs Solo* how are you?

Strugglin with a lot right now, but I won a fight last night. I started to harm but stopped before it did any damage.

*Hugs Oliver*
I don't know whats real anymore. It's scaring me. :(

can i just die now please, this pain has been with me too long and I can't bare it any longer

*Cuddles Oliver*
No, please fight it. I know how much you're hurting, but we all love you.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice :(

I'm sorry. I'm at my friends house atm so I can't do anything, but I'm planning what to do in a few weeks when i move out of her house.

*holds felicia close* am here if you need me darling one. <3

anyone else feeling slightly abandoned? Spent most of the day at my parents' celebrating my sister's bday and finally get home and get 2 out of 3 kids out and hubby takes off.

I tried to talk to him about it and he just got pissy about it and left in the middle of it cuz he didn't like what I had to say. :(

*hugs knees to chest and tries not to feel so alone*

*sits with*

I am so ****ing angry *storms around ward and out into garden*

I know exactly how you feel, Oliver. Only mix mine up with a lot of hurt feelings and the feeling of being the biggest damn idiot in the world... sigh.

I'm feeling so damn triggered right now it's rediculous... I was listening to my music, but now I have a huge head ache so... no more music for me :(

*cuddles Kelly* sorry I dont have words right now, I'm slightly less angry but not much.

it's ok... i don't think there are any words that will really help me right now, but knowing that i'm not alone and that i have awsome friends does help a little... i just with i could count my husband among them right now. he's acting like a total ass and i'm so damn tired of fighting for something he's obviously not willing to fight for as well... and it just makes me want to cut that much more...

*Huggles all*

Hey, sorry I haven't been here lately. how is everyone?

becoming indifferent ... u?

*hugs all* I'm angry still

how dare someone who doesn't know what BPD is question the fact that I have it when I have been diagnosed by a professional, then she asked what it is so I described some of the symptons, like the mood swings, the impulses, the abandoment issues, the paranoia, the anger outbursts, the self harming and suicidal behaviour, the love hate and unstable relationships and she turned around and said while I have some of that so whats so special about you. I felt like killing her, I dont feel special, I hate having BPD, and she just questioned it.

sorry for the rant just needed to get it out. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *stomps around in the garden*

no need to apologize, oliver... that would piss me off too. Tell her that when she goes to medical school, then she can question your diagnoses and how it affects you and sets you appart from her! I can only imagin how hard living w/ BPD or any other disorder could be... I've never been formarly diagnosed though if I had the insurance I'm sure I would be with at least some form of depression ... :(

*hugs Kelly* how are you doing?

eh... tried to be nice to hubby and got attitude so still not great... i'm less mad and more hurt by it now...

i did get out for a 'lil w/ my bff and got some chocolate and soda and that made me feel a tad better... but it's really only a bandaid on a gapping wound if that makes sense

*cuddles Kelly* I'm sorry about your husband, but I'm glad you managed to get out with your bff (is that best friend forever??) and chocolate sounds good :)

yes bff = best friends forever... we've been bff's since 4th grade. There for each other when our kids were born, her for my parent's divorce, me when her dad died... and both of us there to help us through the process of beating SI

*hugs Kelly* thats really great you have someone like that.

I should try to sleep as its 5.40am here, but I'm scared last night I kept waking up covered in sweat from terrifying nightmares

good morning *hugs all* how are you?

*goes to hide somewhere*

Morning hows everyone ?

good morning serenity (dunno your real name..)

I'm numb today, which is good.

how are you?

*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Mute.Scream*
*Hugs Heather*
*Hugs Charlie*
*Hugs Solo*
*Hugs Kelly*
*Hugs Megz*
*Hugs Serenity*

*hugs Mute.Scream*
*hug mark*


am ok apart from being itchy on my leg ...its really annoying * scratches*