ugh! i'm so done!

Ya had to know I would relate! Ya wanna vent?

i put the kids to bed. the boys share and room (ages 3 and 5) and always play and talk so i usually have the 3 yr old go to bed on the couch and i move him after he falls out... he told him after i did this to go to his bed. So i washed my hands of it and said they were his for the night and I'm not doing a damn thing.

15 mins later... he moves the 3 yr old to bed w/ him

::eye roll:: dumb ass!

I hear ya! I deal with that kinda stuff with my butthead husband all the time! UUUUUUUUUUUUggggggggggggHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's just so hot/cold ... on/off lately... we do really good one min and the next we're in hell...

did u read my earlier posts about what he did last night!?

11 beers and he was an ass!

I sure did! It made me sad, cause last I knew I thought things were goin kinda good for you two.

they were and still are ... when he's not drinking... he hasn't drank that much in a while, but it was awful! I came home to him being all confrontational and arguminative and it was all i could do not to SI ... I did make it through... it's been over a month now, but it's soooooo hard some days.

when it's bad ... and it has been past few days... i blast papa roach in the car and it seems to help...

i find it ironic though cuz it's the same music i used to cut to when i was younger... and now i can use it as a replacement for it

I'm glad things are still good, when he's not drinking. Why is he drinking so much? Does he know what affect it's having?

That's fantastic that you've made it over a month, especially through this! I'm so proud of you! Hey, whatever works right?

Btw, I'm over a month free too!

congrats !! I'm proud of you too!

I've tried talking to him 'bout it, but he always either blows me off or changes the subject or says he doesn't want to talk 'bout it b/c of the kids. He made such a big deal when about sharing my feelings when he found out i was cutting again... and now it's like he does want me too, but he doesn't... i'm kinda confused and lost as to what to do

Thanks!

I can definitely understand your confusion! If I were having any better luck than you are I might have some brilliant advise for ya. I hope it at least helps to vent n know that I can relate.

it always helps to vent... and it helps to know i'm not alone in my situation... lol.

holding it in is what got me into SI in the first place so i try really really hard to say what's on my mind as often as i can...

speaking of which i kinda have a bit of a delima with my sis youngest god daughter who is around 12 ... she just got out of the psych hospital for a suicide whatch... took a knife to bed... prob is that many of us think it wasn't about suicide and more about protection... that she might be being molested. I wanna reach out to her... i know lots of ppl who have been in all kinds of situations and i think i could be a big help to her... but i only really talk to her on fb and i don't wanna pm her cuz her mom is likely watcing her site... not sure what to do

Well, I'm glad I could be some kinda help.

Holdin it in has a lot to do with why I'm where I am too, but I still struggle with talking.

Wow! I can understand your dilema! Your theory makes complete sense. Does she have a cell phone with text?

*huggles all*

Really struggling with getting back into normal life after the 5 weeks in (a 5-star resort) hospital. Just the daily tasks like keeping appointments and making sure I get up at an appropriate time are such a struggle right now. Yesterday was really busy and it tired me out, then got coupled with an extremely crap night sleep. I could have sworn someone was trying to break-in early this morning as well which really f**ked the already bad sleep. I didn't realise that it was going to be this hard to re-merge with humanity.

On the good side we went looking for an engagement ring yesterday. :-D

Now it's after midday and all I want to do is crash back into bed!! I think I must be useless.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all, with stuffed animals on the table*

*Cuddles everyone*
The shop needs to hurry up and open!

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Kelly* YEY! For a month free!

*Hugs Megz*

*Hugs Solo*YEY! For you to make it a month as well !!

*Hugs Kahlia* When I got out of the Psych ward after 100 days precisley I found it really hard to adjust too , I think it must be common :S Here if you want to talk hun :)

*Hugs Mark*
How are you?

no phone that I know of.. my sis is supposed to get her for the weekend soon now that's she's outta the hospital and I'm hoping to get a chance to talk to her then ... if I can get a moment outta ear shot...

I'm really concerned about her and I can tell by her fb pics (she's not smiling in any on her page or her mom's page) that's she's been unhappy for a while and I suspect whatever has been going on has been going on for quite some time....

it's totally possible i'm wrong... maybe she has more of a problem like ours with SI that no one knows about, but either way... I've dealt with being on the brink of suicide... it's been a long time... I've dealt with SI... my bff has dealt w/ sexual abuse and so has my aunt so there are ppl I could hook her up with to talk to if I can't help her myself... I just hope I get the chance and that she feels like she can open up and be honest with me about whatever it is she's going through.

I've been around this girl since she was a baby and I love her like she's one of my own sisters (I was a teen when she was born)... I'm just really worried bout her...

*hugs back* and thanks... feelng pretty good about how long I've gone w/out SIing ... though I have to admit... how i made it through the past 2 nights is a total mystery to me!

hugs everyone

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Felicia*

hugs everbody, curls up and hides.

*Squishes Jill* How are you Hun?

squishes back. hmm not great today, keep having panic attacks. don't want to deal with next week, but i know i has too. how are you mark?

*hugs everyone*

Bit Flat hun *Hugs* Whats happening next week Jill?

*Hugs everyone*

sorry mark forgot i wrote in here, hmm just a very stressful couple of days coming up, really wish they were over and done with. meh

*Squishes Jill*

*Hugs Charlie*

~Spots Grey goggler~ Welcome to the ward!

*Hugs Solo* How are you Hun ?

I'm ok Mark. You feelin any better?

Not really , just Flat :( I'm sorry Solo :S Just moaning , it's been about 4 days consecutivley (sp?) now , it's like , enough is enough .

It's ok Mark. I asked cause I wanted to know. I'm sorry though. I hope things get better soon!

Me Too Solo :) I'm glad you feel okay though , I'm taking an early night and hope I get to sleep swiftly and wake up feeling a touch better about myself.

Night Mark. Rest well!

*Hugs Solo goodnight*

*Hugs all my other Wardies Good night*

*Hugs everyone*

UGH! Please excuse me while I have a 3 year old moment...

*storms in, stomps feet, throws a pillow on the floor and plops herself down on it*

MEN TOTALLY SUCK! OR AT LEAST MINE DOES! SO NOT FAIR! ...

ok... thanks for excusing my tantrum... i'm done now ... sigh

*Cuddles* Whats up hun?

i'm just a tad bitchy today... i was running late to get our son from school (always have to go early to get in line so i'm not stuck in the middle of the street unable to turn into the school's drive) and I always take a book to read... couldn't find the book and in stead of offering to help find it he was sucked into his damn game system... I know it seems trivial, but it's been a lot of little things...

i had to hold our3 yr old down for nap with him kicking and screaming... and did he offer to help? NO! sucked into his damn game... :( i've also been turned down and ignored all day... it's not really making me feel wanted or appriciated right now ...

*hides*

aww... what's up, oliver? You ok? *hugs*

*hugs Kelly* I spent the night in A&E. you ok?

A&E? (excuse my ignorance ... lol)

Yeah... ok. Still annoyed w/ hubby, but that's really nothing new.

*hugs Kelly* A&E is accident and emergency, so like casualty or I think you call it ER

we do call it ER ... that really sucks *double hugs*

hope you're doing better now...

*hugs Kelly* thanks, I am doing a bit better now, they gave me some meds to help and now I'm curled up in bed, should maybe go to sleep soon as its nearly 3am here

you should definently try and sleep *tucks Oliver in safe and cozey*

let the meds do their job and check in tomorrow so I know your ok... cuz just so ya know... i'm a bit of a worrier ;)

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Kelly, Oliver and Mark*