*Hugs everyone*
I think I'm gonna leave the ward for a while guys, I will still be around reading posts, but I don't think i'm gonna post anymore. It's not fair on you guys. I love you all.Xx

Nicole*Hugs* I would miss you hun :S

Nicole we'll miss you *cuddles*

Lia, I wish it was that simple lol she's batshit on a sandwich kind of insane lol I have to eat everything she gives me or fear losing my student loan which she demands has to be paid into her account. She's controlling and at times, abusive. ¬_¬ *cuddles*

Don't go Nicole. We all love you.

*hugs everyone*

Nicole - we'll miss you hun. why do you want to leave? we like having you here.

Sorry i've been absent so much lately. My anxiety is even keeping me from posting much on here.

*cuddles Laura* I hope you're alright hun, we're here for you x

*Hugs Laura* How are you?

*Hugs Mark, Sarah and Laura*

I'm here on behalf of Nicole. She's having issues with her BPD (borderline personality disorder) right now and one of the issues with it is being scared of abandoment. She left because she was afraid of hurting us, but I've been talking to her and in her words, she's 'had a good ol' cry' and now feels better. She wants to return from her very short leave, but was just worried she wouldn't be welcome. I've told her it's silly, of course she will but she just wanted me to explain to you all that it's nothing anyone's done, she just didn't want to hurt us.

*Sings* On my own...

you're not on your own, i'm here.
Sorry everybody. I really am sorry about my little episode earlier. And thanks Lia for explaining for me. *Hugs everyone*
*joins in singing*

Ok, now I'm on my own :/

I'm here :)

I'm not myself :-( i dont like to admit it...

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Laura*

*cuddles Lia*

*cuddles Nicole* You're always welcome here

*cuddles Ian* Whats wrong?

I'm just struggling a bit, but hey ho, doesnt matter. It sounds bad but i dont care, its to much i cant be bothered.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to

*cuddles all of you*

*cuddles everyone*

<3 =].

*cuddles everyone* I hate how I feel

*squish*
wanna talk?

Me to :-( curls up in the corner. Feel crap. Makes me wonder why i bother. Be better if... i wasnt here.

wouldnt. <3

No it wouldn't dear x

I'm just feeling a bit low but I don't really know why. I don't really have a reason to :( I just want hugs.

Sorry i just feel low at the moment. *Snuggles up in blanket*

*hugs both of you*
wish i could help everyone :(

*cuddles everyone*

*Cuddles everyone*
Thankyou for letting me back in guys :)

-hugs everyone- I have been considering leaving RYL as well. Like being around to read peoples posts but not posting myself.

-curls up in her dark corner so she is out of sight out of mind and quiet-

*Hugs Lia*
*Hugs Nicole* Nicole Hun , You are so welcome here , we <3 you .
*Hugs Ian*
*Hugs Sarah*
*Hugs Heather*
*Hugs Felicia*
*Hugs Helen*
*Hugs Kitty*

I'm feeling SO much less anxious today :) .

gosh, how is everyone today? I'm STILL playing distraction games :(

Quiet night in the ward...

To be honest, I think we all have moments of wanting to leave RYL. Or will do if we haven't so far. It's a good thing wanting to leave.

*hugs everybody*

*Hugs Shad*It's good to distract yourself hun :)

*Hugs Helen* How are you hun?

*hugs Mark* I'm ok. You?

cuddles everybody. why is life so unfair,damn it i want out this sucks

*Hugs Helen* I'm a bit anxious , but nothing compared to last night , then I was SO anxious I had to read back my e-mails because I had forgotten what I'd said through anxiety :S

*Hugs Jill* Whats up hun?

*cuddles ward* feeling okay-ish today I think. Hope you're all okay x

Wow so it took 4 or 5 atempts because of the sound going to static so many times . I made a video , basically making myself avalible to viewers on youtube who S.I.'s too answer questions about it , especially guys , There are a lot of videos on S.I. on youtube but they are mainly donw by woman , I was so nervous!! I can't beleive I actually worked up the nerve to post it , I rushed through it through a combination nerves and not wanting the sound to crap out . I'm up on youtube , talking not very coherently about S.I. ..... I hope I can help people .

hugs mark back,glad your feeling better today. hmm doesnt matter, im okay it was bound to happen. just need to deal with it. shurgs.its all good.hugs everbody, then curls up

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Sarah*

Mark thats so brave of you :)

Just been looking for car insurance, its just not going to happen, I can't afford it, nor will I be able to for a fairly long time, how can they charge £3600 for a group 1 car?! Its insane :(

Hmm that seems extortianate Sarah , Is Group one the highest or lowest group , sorry I don't drive and all I know about cars I learnt from random episode of Top Gear hehe

*hugs sarah* car insurance prices can be pretty bad. I hope you can find one that works.

*hugs mark* its brave of you to post that video! I'm glad you are feeling less anxious today.

*hugs jill* you alright?

*hugs helen* glad that you are doing okay today.

*hugs shad* im sorry you are still having to play the distraction game. Keep it up though! its a good thing.

*hugs nicole* glad you are back :)

*hugs heather, kitty, and kahlia*

I have to go to the orientation for work today. So freaking anxious because I have to lead part of it. I hate that I am like this.. Like really really hate it. I just want to be able to relax like a normal person, not worry what everyone is thinking all the time or assume that they are thinking badly about me. Its stupid and ridiculous.

*Hugs Laura* It's not stupid or ridiculous , I think the majority of the wardies suffer with anxiety that can be pretty crippling at times , the best of luck with your orientation hun :)

*hugs mark*
I know that i'm not alone in the anxiety, but that doesn't make it easier really :-/
It does feel stupid though, b/c i know logically that people are not all thinking badly about me (by the way, I think it is super self centered of me to even assume people are thinking about me).
Sorry, I should just be quiet.

*cuddles Laura* its not stupid hun, I can really relate to what you're saying

*hugs Mark* Group 1 is the lowest. I can't get insurance on anything higher than a 4, and group 1 comes in about £3.5k and group 4 comes in around £4.5k. Its just insane. Me and my fiance will have a look sometime, because if this is right then I won't be able to afford a car until I'm working. I don't see how people can deal with it

hugs laura, hope you feel better soon. hugs everbody. hmm feeling very triggered, why the hell did i look at self harm photos. know i want to cut my self to shreds. curls up

hugs everyone

*cuddles everyone*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Laura*