*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Helen*

*Spots and Hugs Oliver* How are you ? :)

*cuddles Helen*

*Hugs Sarah* I'm going to go and watch an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" but I'll keep popping back in , I need some cheering up :S

I'll be away between 8 and 9 but after that I should be in most of the night.

*hugs everyone* I am sitting here having a cup of tea.

*Hugs Louise* Oohh nice, Tea!! How are you?

Mmm I could go for a lovely cup of tea right about now

*cuddles ward*

*Hugs Louise, Mark, Sarah, Julie, Helen, Heather and Laura*

Just watched and episode of Miranda I love that show, it always makes me laugh and now I have taken to galloping everywhere and calling things 'doobries'. Galloping is a remarkably fun way of getting about.

You're not an ass Sarah, I got upset earlier because my friend was ever so slightly ticked off with me. It was just that she's about the only friend I have that totally accepts me for who I am and doens't think badly of me at all, and the fact that I annoyed her made me feel like I screw everything up. But it's all good now.

I get that with my fiance all the time, if he's a bit ticked off about anything I always feel like its my fault and that I screw everything up. I totally get that.

Miranda is quite funny :) I laugh a lot but I feel so awkward watching it, like "Oh my gosh I do that"

Hi all and *hugs*
sorry not been around much, not doing so great.

I love miranda, it is genius

Hi Oliver :) hope you're okay

Hey Owen, how you doing? *waves*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Waves to Owen*

*Waves to Owen*

*Hugs Oliver* How are you?

I agree that Miranda is an awesome show, my friends have decided she is me in 10 years. Cos they are nice like that.

Miranda makes me laugh too . I like that show .

Wow it's gotten busy right when I got to go , I took my meds , so am getting sleepy
*Hugs My Wardies Goodnight*

Love ya'll :)

*waves goodnight to Mark* Goodnight, we love you too Mark x

-hugs mark, sarah, and lia, and waves to owen- hi wardies

-snuggles into the magical corner with pillows placed around her and like 4 fuzzy blankies over her as she tries to get warm-

night night mark, sleep tight

Kitty! :) *cuddles* How you feeling?

Night night Mark *hugs*

Hey Kitty :) *hugs*

*Snuggles into magical corner with Kitty*

I feel all odd and restless. Sort of alive and jittery.

Poor Lia :(

-snuggles and cuddles with lia and sarah-

I'm feeling...low, I guess. I don't know. Definitely not a good feeling. What I know is tearing me apart and it just seems to get worse by the day. Amara is just taking her toll on me... -sighs-

Sorry you feel restless lia, but it's good to feel alive and jittery to a certain extent. Is there anything fun you could do today? Depending on what time it is there, of course. It is 1:20 in the afternoon here.

How are you feeling, Sarah?

I'm not too great, been a crappy day and had a bit of a funny experience on here that Mark helped sort for me. Sorry you're low Kitty :(

It's 9.23 at night. It's a sort of panicky restless that I get when I am agitated.

Is Amara the girl you see? *Squishes*

awww thanks Owen *waves to you*

*hugs all* sorry for the lack of indvidual replies, I'm meant to be packing as I'm going home to family for christmas tomorrow and I have no motivation to do anything, just want to sleep.

*cuddles Lia* what agitated you hun?

Sorry it took so long for me to reply.

Yes, Lia. Amara is the girl. She told me last night what her name is. She said it means eternal...said she will be with me forever... -squeezes her blankies- Sorry to hear you are agitated. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. -hugs tight-

Sarah, I'm sorry that you aren't doing too great. :( Glad to hear that mark was able to help you, though.

-waves to oliver- hi I'm Kitty. We haven't met yet.

How bout some music everyone? -grabs the remote that somehow ended up right next to her and turns the music on-

It's sort of a long and comlicated explanation. Just things in my head that might not be in my head, but are. Only that might be worse because now I'm mental as well. Anywho. Not making sense.

And moving on.

You looking forward to that Oliver?

I'm alright Kitty, don't worry. When did you start seeing Amara Kitty? You can always call on us to ninja her...sorry, inappropriate joke. But I do like the image of ninja wardies.

She sounds like my Rebecca Kitty... I hear her when I'm awake and sometimes see her when I sleep. She always looks different though, but I know its her from how she speaks and acts.

I started seeing her after we lost our baby. I don't know if it was because of that or if it was just her time to come into my life. -shrugs- I did some massive research on schizophrenia last night and realized I have had some of the symptoms for years but they have progressed. I used to just hear things. Now I hear things, and Amara is here now. She's not here, nor there, she is everywhere I go. It's hard to explain, but she sits there and smiles at me evilly. All. Day. Long. And she likes to use flashbacks as weapons against me. She knows what it does to me. She can control me with them and she loves it.

I hate it, because I know I need help. But it's not like I can afford going to the hospital and getting the help. No, I have to wait until January 3rd before I can even see my doctor, and I know that when I tell him about it, he's just going to argue with me. He always does. I wish I had health insurance, I could get the help I need so much easier.

I really don't understand the department of social and human services, though. In order to get on medical through the state, their rules are 1) you have to be a senior citizen, 2) on social security disability, or 3) be pregnant. We just received a letter in the mail from them the other day stating that my husband is now receiving the best type of insurance they have available. But he is not a senior citizen, not on social security, and if he is pregnant, I would be hella worried. But they won't let me get insurance. So this next year I am going to collect my records on my psychiatric evaluation and set up an appointment to go in and see them and try to get them to help me. I need the insurance more than my husband does.

My husband is also still convinced that I can work. I have told him numerous times that my counselor told me not to even think about getting a job at this point, but he doesn't get it. He says, "it's not like you are that disabled. Sure, you have some problems, but so do I."...He likes to think his problems are worse than mine I don't understand why. -sighs-

-cuddles with lia and sarah again- Amara says she will get me, one of these days. :s

*cuddles Kitty* I'm pretty certain none of the stress will be helping the situation :( She can't get you darling, she's not there, she can't hurt you at all physically. Don't let her hurt you mentally my dear. I wish I could help with the insurance part but I know nothing about anything like that :(

It gets to be too much to handle. And my head hurts. :(

*snuggles* I wish I could help you more, that sounds awful :( I also wish the health care system would take better care of you too.

-cuddles with sarah with a look of exhaustion and defeated- She is real. She wont go away..

You're not any of those things Kitty, don't listen to her. She can't physically make you do anything. She's not there and she can't hurt you. I don't know a lot about it, but could you try saying no to her? Sending her away? Refusing to look at her? It sounds terrifying, and I don't know what I would do if I was in that situation. This is why we have an NHS, I really disagree with the US not having one, it would help so many people. And lol at the image of your husband pregnant, not that I know what he looks like.

*cuddles Kitty again* We have something in the UK I heard about on the radio called the hearing voices network, I don't know how much online support they have but it might help. I wish I could give you more help :(

-hugs lia and sarah- thanks, you guys are amazing.

Lia, I have tried saying no and closing my eyes. But she invades my mind, too. She is powerful. And the more I fight, the worse it gets. And I disagree on a lot that the united states does - I'm a conspiracy theorist. I believe that whatever happens in 2012 will be by the hands of the US government.

Sarah, thank you for the information on the hearing voices network, I will google it and check it out. -smiles-

-spots heather and waves- how you be today?

I gots to go...gunna walk to the library. I'll be back in a bit. Hope everyone is ok. -hugs ward-

Not bad I guess, how are you?

Sorry I wasn't replying. I just kinda left this on screen and did other things.

I hope the website helps Kitty. It does sound like you need health care over this, I really hate the US laws. Stupid thing. It's totally not fair, you shouldn't have to pay to literally be kept alive.

*hugs all*
I'm off to the gym, going to cycle there in the snow!
I won't be around tomorrow as my mum is coming to take me home, I promise to catch up with you all tuesday or wednesday.
take care all
*leaves hugs and calorie free treats in the ward for everyone*

Its the reason I refuse to ever move to the US. I refuse to pay to keep myself alive. At least in the EU you can still get free emergency healthcare to stay alive.

Sorry for not being here much, I went to the services to get some treats for myself and some fizzy pop.

*hides*

*finds nicole & hugs* What's up?

*hugs all the wardies*