*hides*

*finds Nicole and hugs* Want to talk?

*hugs ward*

*hugs helen* that depends. if you are struggling then no i don't wanna put my problems on you anymore than i already have, but if you are doing ok then, yes please! :/ *hugs*

I just wanna cry right now.
The loan lady said with a FHA loan I only qualify for 160k and I need about 200k. She's trying to run it to check a VA loan but she can't see my Federal tax deductions.
I don't see how they can say I can't afford to buy a house where my mortgage would be lower than my current rent...
*cries*

Nicole, I'm alright at the moment if you need an ear.

Mark, I am glad (ish) that I'm not in this alone :)

*Hugs Crimson and Sarah*

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Helen* How are you?

*Hugs Nicole* How are you?

*Hugs Crimson* How are you?

*Hugs Sarah* How are you?

GAH!
My tummy's upset and the loan lady I've been talking to is an idiot. She left out my VA disability pay. That info added to what she had raises my prequalified amount to 197k and a lowered interest rate. I'll be getting a 2nd opinion from another lender, me thinks. I doubt she "remembered" to count my life insurance and 401k as income either, even though the are requested for income information on the application.
On the up side... I'm off work tomorrow and I set my son's appt for Friday and told my boss I wasn't coming in that day so... 4 DAY WEEKEND!!!

Posted to my R/V... (see siggy bar) It's brief but has the jist of it... I've gotta go...
*hugs all*

*huggles all*

I am nothing. I was born from dust, and I shall return to dust. And whatever claims me in between is a blessing . . .

*cuddles Kahlia* You sure are something hun.. pm if you want to talk at all xx

*hugs Katie* - Thanks hun.

Everyone keeps telling me that I'm looking better and must be feeling better ... but I feel like I am crumbling to dust and so hurt and depressed inside ... no better, just getting worse. *sigh*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Crimson* I read your R/V , You are not a bitch ! NOT NOT NOT

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Ian* It's good to have another bloke about , it's been Oliver and I for a while , now theres 3 !!:)

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Kahlia* I;m so sorry you feel so low :(

I just phoned my Mum , Aparently both my Dad and my Sister think I've gone all manic since our bereavment . I'm SO trying to keep busy ,I NEEDED new shoes for winter so I bought some in the Sale at Millets with my Birthday Money , and I bought my aunt and Uncle Christmas presant yesterday , Cheese and Wine :)

I just wrote my Dad a text saying " If you want to come up at lunchtime I'll make you a cheese roll" and then I deleted it , SO ****ING STUPID!!!!!!!


Is anyone about ?

My trousers ripped last night .........wonderful! (Sarcasm)

Now I've been told I'm Manic I FEEL MANIC , I took a diaz , I haven't been taking them , perhaps I should have been , thats what they are for .

*Hugs Julie* How are you Julie ???????? Sorry Owen , I didn't spot it was you , how are you?

Oh Kahlia, I'm sorry your feeling like that :( It's frustrating though I know.. *cuddles* if you need anything at all.. I'm here.. hang in there chick. *cuddles tight*

Hey Mark (OMG I still think Adam or have I got it wrong? *hides in embarassment*, I'm here..

Hey Owen.. how are you tonight?

Kaytee*Hugs* I'm Mark yes :)

I feel like screaming and punching things , even going down to the police station and putting a stone though their window just so I'd have someone to fight and usually I hate confrontation , I HATE this , I'm not neeting my nurse until 3.15pm , SO SO SO SO Angry , I can't make myself cry :S I texted my friend but she often leaved her phone in a different room from herI wrote a message the online RYL support , I DON't know what to do .

My Grandmas Funeral is set now, 18th.

Kaytee , you okay there?

*hides* i say i wanna fight but i am supposed to be doing an assignment on where i wanna be in 10 years time, but i can't see myself being here in 10 years time, i can't even see myself being here tomorrow :'( *cries*

*HUGE HUGS For Nicole* You WILL be here tomorrow , you just have to take tiny baby steps hun, and we all will be here every baby step of the way, I'm still sorry you feel so **** though :(

Not really Mark.. Is there anything else you can do that you can take some of that anger out? Got a punching bag or anything similar? Or anything you can do that won't cause harm? *hugs*

*hugs Nicole* Yes, baby steps all the way. It is hard to look that far though.. just.. think of things you like to do and what you've always wanted to do. I hope you'll be okay x

Kaytee , I took 2 Diazepams and they've kicked in so I'm calmer now ,I am actually a bit zonked heh , But I was freaking angry before so this is better .
Do you want to talk about whats bothering you?

Glad your feeling calmer now :) Look after yourself though okay? :)

Ugh, I don't know, just all over the place at the moment, mainly struggling with my ED and just... yeah. I don't even know what to say really, but thanks for asking. I'll be okay.

Is anyone about?

I'm here if you're still around Mark

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm getting angry at nothing and everything again , I'm going to take another Diaz soon I think if I don't calm

EDIT:- Took one

*hugs you back* - That's not good hun. Is there something safe you can do to help keep you calm?

Is the anger directed at anything in particular? I know you have not had a good time lately but I'm trying to think of some suggestions other than those that Katie suggested such as punching pillows and other soft things.

Hopefully that diaz will settle you down some Mark, but please let us know how you are going.

Sorry Kahlia , the page turned and I didn't notice and have only just read your posts . I have a meeting with my nurse , Sharron, who has been SO SO good to me and I think it might help to talk face to face with her, thats in 54 minutes , so I just hope the 3rd Diaz of the day kicks in ( I think it is ) soon , thankyou for your support , it must be super late in Aus?

I'm leave for my meeting in 16 minutes , the walk might help to , physical exercise

I'm glad you've got someone to go and talk to Mark. It's not all that late, it's about 12:40 am as I type ...

Crickey Kahlia !! Latley I've been in bed by 9.30pm lol , right off I go to Sharron :)

*hides*
she made me show her my arms! :(

*hugs nicole* :-/ who did? I know how uncomfortable that can be. Especially when its forced.

*hugs mark, crimson, kahlia, and kaytee*

I've got to go take a uni test, but ill be back later with a better reply.

Nicole, I'm sooooo sorry I never replied last night, I fell asleep, woke up about 10.30pm and turned laptop off and went straight back to sleep!!!

*hugs wardies tight*

*Hugs Nicole * Who did that to you? I know how hard that can be :(

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Helen*

*hugs everyone*
helen-thats ok, i went to bed shortly after anyways!
mark and laura-it was my tutor in our 1-1 tutorial :( i mean, i dont mind showing her, and it was for a good reason, it was just kinda....unexpected?

Hayley Would like to initciate a *GROUP hug*(Waves where applicable) and I'll join in *Group hug*

*group hug*

*hugs Mark & Nicole*

*Joins in group hug*

My mum just told me to stop eating after school. Let's try that shall we. That makes my daily food intake...

Breakfast- None

Lunch- a bag of low fat crisps and a piece of fruit

Snacks- None

Dinner- As little as I can get away with.

If my mum ever mentions anything about not eating enough, I shall remind her it's her who told me to stop. Not that she ever will, it's too hectic in the mornings for her to notice what I eat for breakfast, she's not there at lunch and I've been getting away with throwing away half my dinner for weeks.

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you doing?

*hugs helen, lia, lindsay and mark*

Am not so good at the moment, my voices are really loud and am listening to music on my head phones to drown them out .

*Hugs Sam* It's good that you are distracting yourself with music. I like your signature picture ::)

*Hugs Sam* I hope you can carry on keeping yourself safe.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to bother anyone who's struggling, so feel free to ignore me, but I'm getting more and more triggered by the second. I'm trying to stay on my bed because it's my 'safe' area. But I literally just can't allow myself to move from this spot.

Lia *Hugs* Can you Put some music on , or the T.V. or read a favourite book , Or if you can bring yourself to move from your bed could you bath, I find sitting in warm water relaxing sometimes you could use bubble bath !
Or maybe play on the arcade here on RYL to distract yourself ?