*sighs* it's been one of those days...

*stumbles in* i just cant do this anymore *offers hugs for anyone who needs them*

Still having a red day. BAd bad bad x

*hugs everyone*

People keep trying to keep me safe... not sure I want them to though... that's the problem. It's gonna make me start hiding things from them again... but... I don't know... waiting for youth leader to phone me today... she said she would, but... we'll see. Gonna talk to the pastor at church at some point... she thinks I need to. She gonna get me professsional help, at some point.... but... I don't know what I want.

I'm gonna OD in the college bathrooms. Can't do it here, dad's too watchful.

Please don't sweetie. What's happened to make you feel that bad?

First day is going ****.
Didn't even make it into my first lecture.
How on earth am I meant to explain that to the lecturer?
Really craving to die man >.<

Thank you Hana, for listen all of yesterday and this morning so far lol.
Bored of me whining yet?
Please allow yourself to have help (check me all hyprocritical)...

Helen, I love you. I'll text you in a sec sweetie. I'll never get bored of talking to you sweetie, you're not whining hun. Like I said before, just struggling sweetheart. Honestly. On the phone to another mate. I just... don't worry about me hun, I'll be fine. (from what I remember anyways) look after yourself sweetheart. Text you in 2 secs

xxx

I seriously love you Hana. I'm still waiting for my text though :laugh: I'm glad you'll never get bored of talking to me hun. I feel like I am whining though. Yeah I am struggling, meh heh. Please tell me what's wrong, I'm not convinced you're actually ok :wow: I worry because I care for you, like a lot.

I've managed to email my disability co-ordinater person about what happened this morning, left one slight detail out- well the panic attack thing and called it a personal problem. But she's given me the details of my notetaker for this week and next week (as they're still sorting out my one for IT) and have texted her apolgising and told her what had happened and asked if we could meet up at some point today. No reply yet, really nervous. Oh and I've managed to email my lecturer or whatever they're called :laugh: so hopefully he'll repsond after the lecture has finished as it's on til 1.25pm.

Really not looking forward to my Mum finding out I didn't make it, she'll expload at me for a 3rd time today. Like she did twice already this morning. Apprantly I'm really selfish because I didn't tell her I wasn't needing to be up for 6am and because I didn't go and get any milk yesterday (maybe she's cranky without her cup of tea?) But it's so easy for her to ask me to do something and expect me to do it. Whereas for me, if I'm having a bad day, I tend to have no motivation to get washed & dressed for hours on end and then to go out. Meh I'll go get some if I go home. Might not bother returning tonight lol.

Code-red is late and it's stressing me out even more.

Anyway better go and see this person about my modules later, well once I've got some food down me because I'm really hungry. Hopefully she won't need to see my timetable, don't want everyone to know my personal problems already :pinch: but maybe it'd help her knowing. I don't know....

Sorry if I worried anyone with my last post, was in a really bad place.
I ended up doing it and collapsing at college, they got me an ambulance and I was kept in A&E for 8 hours. They're sending me to hospital, just got a few minutes to nip home and get some stuff.
Gonna miss you guys! x

*snuggles Zowie*

I'm glad they're helping you hun.

*snuggles Zowie*
We will miss you, but maybe it's for the best?

i'm sorry.
but is anyone around?

hey ku, i don't come in here but you can pm me if you need to talk

thank you
i have
sorry
i'll probably end up pissing you off something chronic

*hugs Ku and Jess*

*hugs back*
you'll have to excuse me
I'm sobering/coming down
=[

hugs to all

*hugs Helen then finds a corner to hide in and sobs uncontrollably*

*hugs Mand*

It'll get better...I hope, cus u deserve it babe