*hugs Helen && Mark*

How are you two/both/all going?

*cuddles everyone*

*huggles everyone*

oop! so you did Helen :)

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm frustrated at myself , and numb (constantly) , the sedative affects of meds plus depression = me not being able to get out of bed at a "reasonable" time and I struggle to function at all until about 3pm when I "Wake up" and I'm usually numb/low so I just want to sleep ,sorry .

How are you doing Kahlia?

Cuddles all. Hmm being think is there any point in all this. Feel like want to burst into tears right now.sorry being pathetic. Hmm April would you mind if I pm you? If it's okay.

lol, i told my friends that i thought it was time we moved on and made new friends cause we are too different and are focusing on different things, and this is what she just sent me.
y'know what? I reckon I've come to a conclusion. Now, I may regret this later, but I don't give a flying **** atm. If you wanna be a fatshit sad sack of tears who does nothing more than just sit around and bitch all day despite having good quality of life compared to others, who thinks she'll easily get a job in the recession with ZERO qualifications, who has deluded herself into thinking she's an adult, who has deluded herself into thinking she's somehow better, therefore USED ME, ABI, LISA AND ALL THOSE OTHERS AS NOTHING MORE THAN DISPOSABLE BACKUP, then fine. Go for it. You can go for it, we know you'll die alone in the end. If your new buddies leave you, do not ****ing expect sympathy from us. Thankyouverymuch, rant over. Reply as you may, I don't give a toss.
lol. she is so pathetic.

OOhhh Nicole *Hugs* are you okay? That sounds harsh and an overreaction to say the least :S

*hugs mark* yeah im fine. she is SO possesive :/ lol

Good :) Not that she is possesive , that you are fine :)

lol, yeah, i just think its quite funny.

Cuddles all. Hahaha today just getting better, next week is going to be intresting I reckon half an hour to a hour for hell to break loose.

Oh Jill, love, sorry for not responding before... yes, it's fine if you PM me. :) Sorry I've not replied to your last PM... bad April, bad bad. :(

Am so tired. Guhhh. Hate being this way!!!!

School starts in a little over a week.

I'm going to have to make myself function. This not even being out of bed at noon just isn't going to work.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Felicia* I know how it is to just be unable to get out of bed early :( I'm finding it hard to function too .

Decisions decisions decisions!!!

*cuddles all*

Wow that was harsh Nicole, glad you can laugh at it and not get upset. Is that same person you mentioned previously??

OOhh Helen ! What Decisions do you have to make ?

Just thinking about going back to college (again!!), whether I could cope with it this time or not and stuff. I need to know that I will get the support that I should have received last time & never did. Plus there's two colleges I'd like to avoid and not sure where to go at the moment.

Who can help you with those decisions, Helen?

I didn't sleep well again last night. I don't really care though except through the night and morning when it makes me cry and get frustrated. I'd rather be a zombie anyway, maybe it will dull things down for me.

*hugs Hels* I second Lindsay, is there anyone to help make these decisions?

*hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you're having problems sleeping

*hugs everyone else*

It's 2:30 and I'm still barely functioning. I'm like a freakin' zombie, and it's not that I don't get enough sleep at night... I sleep for like 8-10 hrs. I hate this and it has to end.

I don't know...I suppose I could talk to my personal advisor at the job centre (I'm on jobseekers) in a couple weeks time, but it might be too late for September then....

Helen , could you make an appointment to see your personal advisor sooner? Also could you get a prospectus (sp?) from any college you are considering so you could look through them and figure out what course you'd like to do ? Most colleges have like ... Open days I'll call them where you can just go along and speak to any tutors of courses you're intrested in and they will answer any questions you may have .

Felcia and Lindsay , *Hugs* I'm sorry you are feeling like Zombies, :( ,that word almost perfectly sums me up too , NUMB.

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're so numb. I really don't like feeling like that either. I'm not numb, I have all sorts of emotions swirling around.. only, I can't identify them at all... They're just there making me tired.

Oh, and I just got an urgent call for my mom about my cell account on my number. I feel like this means that my phone's in danger of being cut off, and I will have no way of communicating with my family while I'm at uni cause my grandparents don't really use computers. Well, **** it. I'm sick of my mother claiming she'll help me. Did she pay for uni? No. Did she say she would? Yes. Didn't she claim she would never abandon me? Yes. Who came home from uni for the summer to find her family gone? Me.

Mark, I know what college course I'm wanting to do anyway :) It's just difficult because I know of 2 colleges that do it, but their student support systems have both treated me shitty. One was before I got my GCSE results, so didn't know which college I would be attending (ended up elsewhere, which was amazing) and the other was the college I attended for a short while last year. I just can't risk it....

I'm going to search through my options over weekend and my call my advisor and see if I can bring it forward and see if he has any better suggestions/contacts :)

EDIT: Think may have found a good college, going to wait for their open days and speak to them ^_^

OOhh Felicia*Hugs* I'm sorry your emotions are all swirling:( and that your family seems to be letting you down :(

Huggles everybody. It's okay April i know u got a lot going on. Answear the pm when u can. hmm feeling low still. Curls up and crys

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs April because I spots you :)*

I'm so damn tired.

And anxious.

And just... blah. :(

*hides where no one can find her and cries* :(

*hugs April*

So... I'm going to go watch a musical tonight. I will be back probably after most of you all have signed off for the night.

*leaves care packages on the way out*

Cuddles all. Curls up in corner. Jill needs to be strong, don't feel strong this is killing me seeing how all this is effecting everybody. Rocks back and forth mubbling Jill needs to be strong, Jill needs to be strong. =(

*cuddles Jill, Felicia, & everyone else that's struggling*

Sorry no individuals right now... am feeling pretty crap. Been a slow day on the ward, I see... guess lots of people have weekend plans or something, or are gone on vacations etc. Am "draggingly" tired myself, as it's just nearly 9pm and I've been up since a little before 6am. Never mind the fact that I took a nap. >_<

Can I have some hugs? :-S

I've had a busy day :P Well I was at my Nan's for most of the day then been paying MSN/Facebook my most attention for this evening. Should get myself to bed really.

Having an awful night with my skin & my continuing stomach pains =[

Oh & cuddles for all. Sorry for no individuals.

Mark, really sorry to hear you are numb, and from what I have read on the pages since this original post was written, still numb. I really do understand what you mean about the medication effects + mood effects = basically wanting to sleep. My housemate has something similar - although his is just a combination of medication effects (both pain relievin and psych) + pain, but the principle is the same. He has to sleep for like 12 hours of he just can't function at all. Very sorry to hear that. :-(

As for me, I'm as anxious as hell. So far the anafranil hasn't had an effect, but that's not surprising because I've only been taking it for two nights. And on top of that I'm also coming off the beta-blocker at a rate of 20mg every two days.

April: Of course you can have some hugs . . . *huggles you*

Helen: I'm glad you managed to find a college that you think will be appropriate and have appropriate support. Can you check out the available support services on the Open Days? Sorry if that sounds dense but I only have experience with what we have here. *offers cuddles*

Really sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just not keeping up at the moment. :-(

I just want to post a little poem/something for you. I didn't write it and I'd have to search for who did but it's something for you all to remember:

When you are sad, I will dry your tears.
When you are scared, I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried, I will give you hope.
When you are confused, I will help you cope.
And when you are lost, and can't see the light.
I shall be your beacon shining ever so bright
This is my oath. I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?
Because you are my friend.

*big huggles*

Kahlia, love the poem and sorry you're so anxious. It's horrible. I'm hoping to ask about student support stuff on the open day ^_^

Helen: Cool (about Student Support/Open Day). I have to admit I'm over being anxious - it's been going on for months now ... How are you doing? *huggles*

Thats a lovely poem Kahlia :) Thanks for sharing *Hugs* I'm sorry you are feeling anxious :(

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs April*

*hugs Felicia*

Kahlia, I don't blame you being over it, having it for one day drives me mad, to have it on months on end just sounds totally unbearable :( *cuddles tight* I'm bit happy today..I think :O Not expecting to last long. Also I have a very itchy face, RAWR!!!! I've had an allergic reaction to a skin product =[ My stomach's been sore for over 48 hours now but I think it's finally getting better...we shall see.

*hugs Mark back* How you doing?

my 'friend' isnt giving up. im getting angry. shes claiming she doesnt care and that im gonna be the one to regret it. but every time i walk past her she shouts 'fatshit' at the top of her voice, and shes adding all my friends on facebook and tellling them lies about me :(

Seems like she does care since she's going out of her way to do all this and to try upset you *cuddles Nicole tight* Try ignore her babe??

*huggles helen* im trying but shes really starting to get to me! i just want to hit her!

*hugs Nicole* I bet honey but keep trying, she'll soon give up and pick on someone else.

*hugs* ugh, she just sent me this:

"get used to it". Not everyone becomes a self-centered bitch. Tbh, you only caused problems and lisa was sick of you anyway. You depress everyone. So I'm gonna walk away, you can continue slitting your wrists, make a ****ing shake out of the blood and drink it, cry yourself to sleep every night, become even more of a freak of nature, social recluse, generally fail hard on your ass EVEN MORE, if that be possible... I don't care. Good riddance.

Jesus, she's a pathetic bitch who clearly doesn't understand self harm or mental health :/ *cuddles tight*

*cuddles helen* but thats the thing. she self harmed for 3 years :(

*cuddles Nicole* Oh...that certainly changes things :/ Are you sure she definitely did? Sorry...it's just some people fake it & those comments really sound like they're coming from someone who doesn't understand self harm much. Or maybe she's just trying to come across as really nasty & stuff...

I'm rambling...

im sure she self harmed, ive seen the scars, fresh cuts and visited her in hospital when she OD'd or cut too deep, i have seen her cut herself. i just dont understand how someone could be so nasty :(

Some people just are sweets :( *cuddles*

*cuddles* i really want to hit her. like REALLY want to. :(

Ohh Nicole I'm sorry that girl is being such a bitch to you , try not to rise to it though :S It sucks that you are getting upset by it *Hugs*

*hugs mark* im trying to ignore it. its just-WHO in their right mind makes a shake out of their blood and drinks it?! shes gotta be pretty messed up to even be thinking that!