*cuddles nicole* what's wrong hun?

*hugs Nicole*

*hugs everyone* i dont know what to do, my mum kicked me out just over a week ago, and i was living with my cousin, and now my cousins kicked me out, my mum is letting me stay at home again, but i dont think i can, i cant stand the way i get treated and all the arguments. i dont want to live here!

is there anyone else you can stay with?

nope. and the thing is, my cousin wants me there, but she just cant have me cause my mum is refusing to give her any money for me and she cant afford it :(

could you get a job (even if part time) and help out with bills at your cousin's?

im trying, and applied fo income support, but with either one its gonna be at least 5 weeks till i get any money, and its unfair cause my mums still getting benefits for me.

couldn't you let the benefit people know you're living with your cousin and get benefits for yourself?

thats what we tried but it will be 5 weeks till i get any money, and the wont give us a crisis loan either. stupid government. but i dont know what to do, cause i cant live here!

hmmmm i'm afraid i may be useless to help any more than that... here in the us we have ways to speed up thing in certain instances and we have different programs than you guys do...

:( thanks for the help anyways. i'm just so scared of whats gonna happen cause i havent SIed in 2 weeks, but ive been back here for like an hour, and i REALLY need to cut. but i dont wanna ruin it...

*Huggles Nicole* Please try not to cut mate , and if you do it would be just a blip , I know the urges can be horrible

*huggles mark* i know. but it wont be, cause it will be everywhere, i can feel it, if i cut, i wont be able to stop.

*Hugs Nicole* Please try hard not to start in that case , play the 15 minute game with yourself maybe ?

whats the 15 minuite game? :/ i just know im failing everything and dont see why im even bothering to keep living :(

The 15 minute game is:-

you look at how you're feeling wanting to cut and say "in 15 minutes if still feel the same I'll do it " then in 15 minutes you check to see how you're feeling and if you still need to cut put it off for 15 more minutes , and repeat the process until you get distracted , stop getting urges , fall asleep , generally don't need to cut anymore

Hmm I hope I made that make sence .

oh, right, yeah you did lol. i might try it, at the moment, im thinking-is there any point in stopping, i love my self harm, i love the way it makes me feel, its all ive got.
and at the same time thinking-its stupid and you dont need it, youre past that now, forget about it.
and i dont know what to listen to :(

You are worth so much more than S.I. Nicole , You should tell yourself that . Do you really want to start again if you KNOW you won't be able to stop?

*cuddles Nicole*

yes. im sorry but yes, i need it, i cant live without it, its my life!

:( im sorry about that post ^^ i dont mean that, i'm just struggling with the urges, i cant control it, im not strong enough to.

It's okay to struggle with the urges , it shows you are trying to beat it *HUGS*

*hugs* my sisters picking on me already :'( i've been home 2 hours. and shes saying that i dont deserve anything cause the way i act. i dont DO anything, and even if i did, ive not been here!

Don't let your sister picking on you get to you , rise above it if you can and keep your distanse from her

i cant :(
i need a fag :(

*Hugs Nicole TONS*

My Mums Taken All My ****ing Blades!!! Thats It! I Cant Live Here, I Cant!

*Makes Nicolle Some calming Camomille tea*

i can't cope, i can't handle this...

...i just want to curl up and die. i'm so ****ing sick of being triggered... can't cope with it all. need to cut, still, again, always. i want to be rid of it, but i can't... i just can't give it up... but i have to... :crying:

pitiful wreck.

and so fat, too. looking at my bestie... and her little sister... they are tiny and healthily so, too. blessedly skinny. i wish i could be small... :'(

so sick of this life.

updated r/v... :crying:

if i scream loud enough will the frustration and anxiety go away?

*hugs/waves at all ward mates*

I apologise in advance for the lack of individual replies. . .

April: Honey, I really hear you on being triggered. AND I really hear you in regards to other people being so tiny. I get it and feel it all the time. I wish I could offer you something that would help. :-( All I can say is that I have read - both here and your r/v - and I want to offer you *hugs* if that's okay . . .

Just want to scream my head off this morning . . .

Oh, but I got RPL'd through 3 Stages of my Diploma. So I guess I should be happy . . . right??

well... i tried to call back a company that called me and left no message. it was a 5 .5 min call. Did I get anywhere? no. I got put on hold 2x and hung up on! when I called back I got nothing but voicemail! so being as I googled the phone number and got the company website I emailed them. This is what I emailed :Sound too emotion filled or angry or seem fair? So anxious now. FML I hate debt collectors... especially when they call me and I don't owe them anything... then I get all in a tizzy for nothing and that just pisses me off in the end. *shakes head and screams in frustration*

well that got a speedy reply of sorts...
the guy called me and bad connection so i didn't hear anything when i answered and hung up after a few "hello?"s then he called back to ask what i was talking about in my email. apparently they are trying to contact my husband for a magazine membership he canceled years ago... *rolls eyes* then the phone on the desk rang and i told him to hold on and while i transferred a lawyer to the attorney they were calling for he hung up.
ah well... at least i now know why they called and that i didn't suddenly get another debt i didn't know about...

ANgelic Monster- *hugs if you want them* what's up? Glad the phone call thing got sorted. Are you OK now?

April- I hope you're feeling a little better. How are things with your dad now? Are they better? I hope so. I know what it's like to be without one and just want to thump the people who come into school and go 'I hate my dad, he won't get my the latest phone' or what not. Can't they see how lucky they are?

Hey Oliver, it is indeed Lia. Lia's really hurting right now. She can't feel anymore, nothing except this hurt. She's going into Ice Queen mode and will soon feel nothing at all. The cold hearted cow mask will go and and she will be distant and emotionally detatched. I love that mask. Why is Lia talking about herself in third person? Oh well, third person means she doens't have to be her.

I hope everyone's doing ok.

*Leave jar of hugs for all*

xx

*hugs Lia back* yes better thanks. just a little irritated and anxious now... mostly irritated at being anxious if i were to be totally honest. *cuddles till the hurt goes away*

Hi everyone
Sorry I haven't posted here for a while.
Ermm, I'm quite possibly seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow... Because there's so much going on with me I don't know what they're going to say.
I'm really nervous.
My Mum's coming with me, which I don't want because I had a HUGE argument with her a couple of nights ago and she said that she didn't understand me, didn't know why I was having therapy, didn't know why I was unhappy or how to help me, didn't think I was helping myself and said that it was all too much for her and that sometimes she wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
At the time she didn't even care that she made me cry with all this.

i hurt i hurt i hurt

not safe not safe not safe not safe not safe

just want to die
make the pain go away

:crying:

*cuddles april*

*cuddles crimson*

*spies kahlia and cuddles her if okay?*

i hurt.........

*cuddles all*

*gently cuddles April* - cuddles are always welcome sweetness.

*curls up in corner and sighs sleepily*
bleh. fat =[

*cuddles april tight* <333

*Hugs Heather*

**Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs KitKat*

*Hugs Lia*

*curls up in a ball* I just want the hurting part to go away.

jess, before i forgot, i wanted to tell you that i like your usertitle... hehe. i take it that you play some form of wow? :P hayley, crimson, mark, and i all play wow... but not all together, since hayley and mark are in the uk and crimson and i are in the us and they're two totally separate games. anyway, just thought i'd ask. ;) *hugs* i wish i could make the hurting go away, too. :(

mark, how are you? and heather? (you're not fat, btw!!) <3

i've got to go eat breakfast... just got off wow - honoring the flames on my level 80 for the summer fire festival - made probably around 100g just doing that!! woohoo... lol. :) that makes me happy... 'cause if my toons are being powerleveled then i need the gold for training!! :-X

i'll check in later... hopefully everyone's day is gonna be okay. *cuddles those who want/need them and sprinkles magical faerie peace dust everywhere*

I crawled out of bed at something like 10.30am , and I just feel wretched , LOW , and crap generally , and no ammount of cutting will "Fix" me, I'm busted up emotionally and I have the template of a post I want to post in vets support but I don't know what replies I'd get as it's kinda pathetic , Also scary for me to put out there, in the public domain as parts are VERY personal I hate to think about them at all, they just make me more low :( *Sigh* sorry

*Huggles Jessica*

I play WoW. Or at least I did. My game card ran out and it's gonna be a little while before I get more time. I'm on the US servers, on Echo Isles mostly.

*hugs Mark*

sweet, jess. i'll have to check out echo isles (is it pvp, rp, or rp/pvp? because i prefer pve... heh)... :) i have toons on silvermoon and grizzly hills mostly (alliance mostly, but a few horde), a fresh-out-of-the-starting-area blood elf death knight on area 52, and a pally and a priest (22 and 20, respectively, i believe) on runetotem. :) i'm guessing you have a rogue? ;) ohh, and how are you doing today? *hugs*

*cuddles mark* sorry you're so low, sweet. that really sucks. :( i wish i could help you somehow... :( wish i could help all of you... but i can't. not anymore than anyone else can... :'( please try not to cut, hypocritical i know but i'm worried about you & how low you are. :(

i feel like crap with a capital c. just want to die. i don't even know why. i can't identify the emotions behind being this way. i'm just so sick of life... :'(

*hides in the darkest place in the warren and cries*

aand... updated r/v again.

just want to go to sleep forever... :'(