gotsa trusts them? even if, if its sarahs fault they thinks my bes good and well isnt none good but isnt knows how gets they to see sarahs bad..
how gets to trusts what sarah says insteads? whats midnight blues does when peoples is tells you is bes good? does believes they any?

*snuggles into tracie* trys looks it from outside :( honest my did but its just, everytime tells you must not tells you it right cause then you would sees it like sarah *nods* no matter how many ways sarah looks at it it still looks the same.. :( sorry

deedees thinks what isnt knows how makes to feels? so then they cant be bad ever huh? no matter what peoples tells?
cause i makes her angry lots so, how does gets peoples to believes it when tells them how bad you is and they just thinks yous still good :(
is wants someone to sees sarahs bad for real so isnt makes her to feel bad anymore

*holds out some glitters for neons too* is sorry isnt knows names..

Sarah, who makes you angry? if you don't mind my asking about this.

No one ever to believe that you are bad but none of them do..They knows that you are a good girl sweethearts, No one ever tells you about being bad girl ever! none of your faults about being bad just because someone will hurts you real bad but none of yours..I can tell that you angry at her, I did makes angry at my grandparents over the stupid stuffs between and I got sick and tired of them doing it alots of times but I couldn't defend myself to stand up but I got a strong strength to pull back pieces together for them so just say that grandparents are fairly being "faults" by saying means to my whole family (shocked I know). I cannot stand them watching them bickering and fighting alots of times just because I hates fighting with a passion. My mom's sister and my mom's mother are constantly fightings on and off but my mom's mom started the fights more than hers. I was the one who is very special girl who is always being happy and good girl but some of my family thinks I'm wonderful and all that good stuffs so I don't thinks that they thinks I'm a bad girl anymore so thank goodness but I was being a nice girl for them expect my grandparents.

sarah isnt angry *shakes head lots* promise i isnt sarah isnt angry none *shakes head more*
meaned i makes her angry cause sarahs bad :(

*puts blankie over you gentle and sits beside you*
is glad peoples knows yous nice now *nods* can tells you bes lots nice :)

and sarah bes trying shows the people what thinks sarahs good that shes really bad.. they wont believes sarah none no matter how hard i trys

my granny and grandad leaved sarah cause she was so bad :( and i maked the other ones is hates sarah lots..
bets you was bes lots gooder than sarah for yous granny and grandad *nods*

You both seem like good girls to me, no matter what anyone else says.

*leaves hugs for anyone who wants them*

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Hi Ros, of course it's OK to post in this thread. In fact you're really brave for telling us about what your mum did.

*Hugs Ros*

------------------

I am struggling with the same things. My mother knew for sure I didn't want it though. Careful, I'm not saying yours didn't. But know that even under loud protest she would still have made excuses to harrass you further. My mother told me a few months ago that "I should have explained why I didn't want her to touch me." Huh???

Anyways. Well done for talking about it. *Hug*

------------------------

Hi, I'm Kathryn
From about 5 or 6 to 11(ish) my female cousin decided to make me play "games" with her that I didn't like.
She's six months older than me, so there's not a greatd difference...
But I told my therapist and she's not sure if it was SA because of the age difference... But it was wrong and it has traumatised me :(

saying bad things about someone is relation to them hurting you doesn't make you a bad person. THEY hurt you, they may still care about you but that doesn't make what they did right.


And an age gap of 6 months doesn't make it not abuse, abuse is the misuse of power over another and things other than age give power and ability to manipulate

Yeahh, I know... She didn't seem convinced TBH

-------------------

Why do you feel guilty Rosamunde?
She would've known it was wrong... I'm sorry you're feeling this way
*hugs*

----------------------------

Oh I know exactly how you feel.
I feel like I'm lying too, but I remember how uncomfortable I felt and how much I didn't want to do it... And some of the disturbing things she used to say to me.
I think it's because part of us still doesn't want to believe it happened, because it's such a harrowing experience, and it's something incredibly tough to cope with... Well that's how I feel it's affected me.
That's okay :) any time

----------------------

*gives hugs to everyone* Rosa honey you're not saying bad things about your mom, you're just telling us facts that happened ok? And grown ups know that touching children isn't allowed, and even if she didn't it was clear you didn't like it and wanted her to stop. Admitting it was abuse and getting help for it doen't mean you don't love your mom, or that she's not nice to you other times.

For the both of you, it may feel like a lie sometimes, but remember that your feelings are real and what happened was real too. None of you are bad for telling, feeling scared, hurt, or angry. What was done was wrong, and not your fault. *hugs* Great job sharing everyone. :)

Thank you for your reply troubleshooter

It's really hard not to feel guilty even if intellectually I can understand that what you say is true

It's hard for me to think like this all through fog

I can't stop thinking about it. I just want to sleep all the time so I can stop. It really hurts

*hugs gently* It's always harder to understand with your heart than your mind. Do you have a therapist or anyone to talk to? This is really distressing you right now and you may need someone close to home to help. And of course we're here to give some love and listen if you need to get out some memories or things that are upsetting you.

-------------------------

*hugs* Maybe bring things you've written for RYL to one of your therapists and that could start up a conversation about it.

And honey, many many people who were abused felt pleasure, but that's not your fault. When someone touches your private parts enough your body reacts with pleasure, just like your body reacts with pain when you get hit. It's not your fault, you didn't want it, like or or ask for it. That's just one of those things we can't control. It's not your fault, and liking that sensation, doesn't mean you liked the abuse. Okay?

--------------------------------------

Rosa, listen hunnie, this is not your fault you know that..it was your mom's fault for doing the bad things to you since you were little girl and it was right that you can remember from the bad past memories of your life.

Don't feel guilty hun, There is nothing to feel guilty as us here..I also thinks that your mom should feels guilty for what she did was wrong about touching your body parts wasn't that nice at all..She should have knows better than you do..It was your right of choice of making the right things to do but your mom wasn't right choice cause she did always wrong choice of raising a child like that..it is an abuse sign of sexual assaults..

You have to forgive yourself first but the hardest part is forgive your mom about that bad happened to you but you don't have to forgive your mom about it..just be yourself and believe in yourself always..I do forgive myself for not beating myself up or hurting myself cause I only do hurts myself because of him and seening them over there was the hardest things I ever done with him ever..I don't forgive him because he was really "stupid" for what he did to me and rest of the family like acting nothing happened like he couldn't remember it very much but last couple of months, he did was remember about me being there was HORRIBLE! I only did blame him for what he is worth it! Never was my fault ever! Self-harm wasn't my fault either because I got a feeling that never be same that I used to be but gotta deal with it everyday not just because I'm a bad person doesn't mean that hurts them very badly but for me, was hurting myself but not theirs..

Take care of yourself comes first Rosa *hugs*..

Rosa honey you liked and wanted your mommy to be nice and gentle with you, and be physically close and say you're pretty and special and get you nice things, but you didn't want her to touch like that. All children want their mothers to hug and kiss and cuddle them, but in an apropriate way. And if that was the only time mom was nice and gentle with you? Well, you took what you could get. You wanted the gentle kindness, not the touches. While it's hard to differenciate sometimes, it's also separate with the physical pleasure. You like the sensation of sexual pleasure (as most people do), and maybe even liked the closeness with your mom at the time, as I stated earlier, but you still did not like when she was doing that to you.

As for forgiveness of mom....well right now I think you need your time to still understand this was abuse, was wrong, to be sad and even a little angry. You can consider the other stuff later. Forgiving yourself for feeling certain things during abuse is important though. You were just a child, even when you got to be a teenager you were young, and abuse can make you feel very little. Don't blame yourself, little ones are never to blame in these situations honey. *more hugs*

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It's okay Rosa, this thread is for anyone who needs to talk, and if someone needs more attention at a certain time that's ok. :)

*hugs* It's hard to feel like a grown up when you've been made to feel so small most of your life. And most people who've been abused were taught some things differently than everyone else, and may be confused easier by social/emotional things or not understand what everyone else seems to. Don't feel ba or embarrased about it, that's not your fault either, it's just a result of what's happened to you honey. You can PM me and ask me things too if you want and you're not comfortable posting it on a board. Hope you're ok. *more hugs*

im still struggling so much and i keep wanting to die when i think of what happened :(

*hugs Kerry* nice to see you around here hun, sorry to see that you're struggling. You deserve so much better, hang in there 'k?
xx

thanks JK ''hugs back''

keep having flashbacks

im just not sure what to do with what happened :(

I think I know what you mean, Wannabfree, I just have no idea how to deal with what's happened or how to deal with myself. It's horrible. I just don't know what to do with myself or where to go from here.

I know what you mean.
I've told my psych, and I've told a couple of close friends... But now what am I supposed to do?
I hold a huge vendetta against my cousin.
She cut my hair a few weeks ago, she cut it shorter than I asked and now I'm convinced she's trying to ruin me again because I didn't want it short, it was nice long and now its short ):

Kathryn baby shouldn't let her do things like that. Even if she cut your hair the way you liked it's not safe to give her power over you with something like that okay? Next time you see her just try to stay away, and don't let her put her hands on you, even in a "nice" way. *hugs* We don't want her to hurt you anymore love. And your hair will grow back sweetheart, maybe you can go to a hairdresser and have it fixed in a way you like better.

Okay ): I asked her to trim it...
This is why no one goes near my hair except me.
NO ONE.
I know it will, its just long platinum hair was my signature, everyone knew me for hair that looked like extensions but it was real.
Now its not there...
I feel like I'm not here anymore.

I'm so tired. I feel so tired all the time, and hungry, even though I'm eating. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm just so drained with this all.

Im confused...i was sure females wouldnt hurt me and then she did...why did she pick me..do i have a sign that says ''abuse me''

*hugs*
totally understand what you're saying and feeling

People are people honey. There's good and bad in every gender, race, sexuality and more. *hugs*

um i dunno if i'm allowed in this thread coz it probably doesnt count but my mummy used to hit me and pull my hair wen i was younger
probably doesnt count coz it's disapilne

edit: *wonders if should delete post even tho it only been like 2 minutes*

Pulling hair isn't appropriate discipline for a child. And in most places only light smacks that don't leave bruises are allowed, and not constant either

i dont bruise that much no matter what so i dont think she every bruised me my mummy loves me but sometimes i piss her off
i'm trying hard not to

Even if you don't bruise or you're hit with something that doesn't bruise, if it's constant and/or really painful then it's not ok. Just because your mom loves you doesn't make it ok. She may love you but be wrong hurting you too. You're not bad.

Julie you did nothing wrong. You're allowed to post here if you've been hurt by a woman, and your mom has hit you a lot and pulled your hair like you said. It's ok. *hugs*

Hey there,
I just spotted this thread and didnt realise there was one for survivors of female abusers. I kind of have been avoid a certain amount of forums and threads here mainly because ive had so much sh*t happen to me i have to be carefull i dont get triggered i try to support as many people as i can.

Ive posted a few times tonight and i cant post any more especially here just now, i nead a break.
i will come back to this thread and try and post about my story i was in a 10 year relationship married for 5 years where my now ex wife abused me emotionally, mentally and physically arghhhhh.

*drags in comfy chairs and bean bags and a table with lotsa types of cookies and food and drinks hot or cold*

thank u for letting me use ur thread:blush:

hi julie :)
sarah hasnt beed hurted and she comes in here..
is sorry for what happened *offers blankie* maybe you should try talks a friend if you hasnt already.. tells they how you feels, or tells here if wants to

Yes Sarah you have been hurt, you just don't understand it all yet baby. *hugs lots*

*accepts blankie* thanks sarah and btw i like sesame street there cool my favourite is count he's cool *snuggles into the blankie and yawns*