*holds tight to Helen*

*holds on tight*

Things are so epically bad. My best friend attempted suicide yesterday, still not looking good :'(

Aw Helen, I'm so sorry to hear that. *holds tight* How are you doing? is there anything we can do to help?

Kahlia *huggles* how are you this morning/night/afternoon? (lol) Hopefully a bit better than you were awhile ago. Have been trying to keep up with this thread as you all mean a lot to me but I don't remember everything that happened since I last posted (not last night, I mean at Vince's house).

How is everyone else? *cuddles*

I don't feel too great. My stomach is upset from the fried chicken sandwich I had last night for supper, I think - I just started eating meat again a few weeks ago and I'm still not used to the fried bit... don't eat much fried stuff AT ALL... so yeah. >_<

My NP & therapist still haven't responded to pretty much what was an SOS call for help a few days ago. :( I feel really left out and forgotten about but a friend reminded me that they are only human too. :-\ True, but I'm kind of one of their responsibilities, ESPECIALLY on a trip. :(

Oh well.

*needs hugs*

Make it all stop? :( Last I heard was that she's stable, in intensive care but not breathing for herself

Hi guys, I miss you all! *hugs all round*

I'm feeling a little better. Court was fine, i have an order saying that my son stays with his dad for the next and i get as much supervised contact with him as i want, then back to court to hopefully go back to normal.

I still feel very numb and want to laze about at home all day though, but on the whole, much better.

Is your tummy any better now April?

Oh MammaMia (sorry i cant remember your name) that sounds so awful. How are you feeling? Try and keep yourself well x

How you doing Kahlia?

xxx

Call me Helen/Hells :)

Feeling utterly exhausted, ****, emotional, scared, worried...

Can I come in? Having such a bad day. Seems like everybody's ganging up on me.

Of course Katie *squishes*

Thanks. Sorry to hear about your friend, I hope she's ok and that you're ok.

This person on here is making my life hell at the moment, post-reporting every post I write. Don't be surprised if THIS post disappears soon! I didn't mean to write what I did, and it was actually not breaking any rules... she just took it too literally. She's making me feel like I have to leave RYL and I can't do that...

You should speak the mods about it if you haven't yet :(

Yeah, I think I will. I was hoping it would sort itself out but it's obviously not going to.
x

Best thing to do hun xx

She's woken up =D

*hugs helen* I'm so glad that she woke up!

*hugs april* hope your stomach feels better soon and that your therapist gets back to you. It sucks when it feels like you cant really reach out to your professional support.

*hugs scarletwhore* glad that court went okay and you are feeling better.

I'm back at school... but things are shitty... I don't know if i'm over thinking things or my worrying is justified... but between 2 friend situations and stuff that is going on with my family... i don't know...

Laura, massssssssive hugs. I know how you feel =[

This doesn't make everything okay. The nightmare is only beginning really. Plus still worrying about my other best friend. I still can't cope with all this.

Helen thats brilliant! Have you heard anything more? I'm sorry your feeling so bad, are u feeling any better now? Have you got any nice plans for tomorrow?

Kaytee, welcome! Please make sure u talk to the mods about this, it isnt fair on you. I hope your ok *offers friendly hug and hot chocolate*

*cuddles Laura* whats going on sweetie? Do you know whats making you feel this way?

x x x

*hugs everyone*

It's just after 10am and I really want to go back to bed. I had a seriously bad night - kept hearing someone calling my name and asking me if I was there and so forth. Meh. Man, I just want out. :(

*retreats to a dark corner and starts crying*

*hugs Kahlia and wipes tears* that must be so scary. you poor sweetheat. have u got school or any plans for today? did u manage to get much sleep? x

Woop, I've been findi ng it hard to fall asleep recently but i think i'mabout to :D lovr and cuddles to all on the ward x x x

*cuddles helen*

*hugs kahlia* o man that sounds horrible. Hope you manage to get some sleep...

*hugs scarlett whore* Glad to hear you are getting some sleep.

There is a lot going on. I have 2 friends are are threatening to do stuff if things dont turn around and go thier way, which just makes me kinda worried. And then i have a situation with my dad that i'm really worried about that i cant really talk about right now/on here (maybe?... i havent decided if i should even mention it to anyone) *sigh*

... it would be so much easier to just disappear

*hugs everyone*

Scarlett, I've not heard anymore. But I have texted her aunt/friend (depending on who's visitng at the moment the other one has Gemma's phone lol), but no reply back yet. Bit worried :S I'm still feeling quite ****. Bad person that I am lol. I did have plans for today, but they've just got cancelled :S Hurray, another day alone with my emotions >_> Although I am seeing my Dad tonight, so I can't complain too much. That's going to be a barrel of laughs, as he does usually ask how my best friends and other friends are lol. I did manage to sleep haha, managed to sleep from about 11pm :) Got woken up by a text about 8.30ish, then woke up 9.30am & now (well 10am) :)

Laura, don't let your friends do that to you. Do what's best for you and if that's not going their way, then so be it. They sound like they're not of rational mind and maybe not intending to blackmail you like that. I don't know though. *big cuddles*

Kahlia, hope you're feeling a little better?? *massive cuddles*

*cuddles tightly to Helen, Laura and Jocelyn*

I'm about to head to bed (it's just after 10pm here) but I'm worried that the pain in my ankle is going to keep me awake. :( I was sitting normally in my computer chair an hour or so ago when I turned the chair around a little and there was an audible snapping noise from the region of my achilles tendon. It hasn't snapped but there's a lot of pain and a little red mark on the back of my ankle. *sigh* I think I have way more than my fair share of defective body parts .... I think I was put together on the scrap heap leftovers.

I really hope I don't start hearing things again ...

*disappears into a dark corner with bear (my favourite teddybear) and a blanket*

Sounds like you've twisted your ankle honey or something, maybe get it checked in the morning and take two painkillers before bed?? *hugs tight* Am praying the voices leave you alone. >_>

Should I be worried that I haven't had a text back today about my best friend. I mean, there probably hasn't been any change (a good thing I think) but they could least tell me that? I'm wondering if her aunt & friend are both up there, so their phones will be off :S

Just dropping by to let everyone know I'm still alive. :)

Although my guitarist may not be in a minute if he keeps blowing on my face.

Not feeling great, in a bad place at the moment mentally. LeSigh. That's why I'm having a hard time coming online. I've been working on memorial stuff and all sorts of crap to distract myself.

Love to everyone here.

Franz xxx

*major cuddles*

Eugh, my "upset stomach" turned into some sort of stomach bug/food poisoning/reaction to stress... threw up yesterday for the first time in 17 years!! It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it'd be though (I'm an emetophobe)... but still wasn't pleasant. (D'oh!! lol...)

So I've been taking it really easy, sleeping a lot, and eating saltines and drinking nondiet ginger ale and Sprite. Woohoo. I'm feeling better today than yesterday but still don't feel the best. Am pretty anxious at the mo.

*cuddles everyone*

Wish I could make it all better for you all... :(

*cuddles everyone*

My ankle is still bad - I can barely put any weight through my foot. I'm going to the doctors surgery tomorrow morning to see my tdoc so I'm going to put in a request to get my ankle checked while I'm there. The foot has some weird swelling patterns on it ... It's been in a compression bandage for most of the day. Meh.

*walks around the ward offering cuddles to everyone she sees and then disappears into a dark corner*

I feel like overdosing. I can't cope with life any more.

*hugs One_step* What's up, love? care to talk about it?

*cuddles Kahlia* So sorry to hear about your ankle. It sounds very painful, but at least you're trying to take good care of it instead of mistreating it. I probably would be mistreating it, since I don't take very good care of myself. :-/ How you doing other than that? :)

*cuddles Laura* How're you doing today, sweetie?

*huggles Franz* Have missed you over the past days... isn't it best to come on when you're in a bad place mentally so you can get support? Feel free to PM me... *more huggles*

*hugs Helen* How're you doing, love? and how's your friend? have you heard anything more?

I'm doing much better... although now my husband has the bug and threw up this morning. Ugh. Very unpleasant. :( I hate being sick and all of that... but at least it's passing. Uni starts on Tuesday and I've still not got my books!! so I'd best get cracking on that... I hate being unprepared but I've been sick since we got back (well, since Tuesday morning) and haven't had any time to go and get books. Boo hiss. :(

We watched the 2nd episode of Bones (season one) this morning... we watched scattered episodes whilst at Vince's house but not in order, so we decided to start at the beginning and watch through all five seasons. :D I'm excited about that. I love that show... hehe. Although this one made me almost tear up... :o

I'm in a "meh" place mentally... I dunno why, it's just kind of rough. I don't see my NP until the 26th and I don't know if I have enough meds to last until then... I see my therapist on Monday and I am worried about that. I don't know. Just all kind of messed up. :(

*needs hugs*

My best friend is doing really well. Not emotionally, but physically she's doing well :) She was awake some more yesterday and left intensive care last night. She's still in hospital at the moment, but suprising me and doing really well. We've been talking a little bit :)

One_step_closer, forgot your name but don't OD :(

Kahlia, glad you're getting your ankle checked, doesn't sound good at all.

Laura, how you doing love??

April, biiiig hugs.

*hugs kahlia* Ouch, your ankle sounds painful. Sounds like a good idea to get it checked.

*cuddles one_step_closer* Please try not to OD... Stay strong hun.

*hugs april* I love Bones too! Although i cant say ive ever watched the episodes in order lol. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hope things go okay with your therapist, just try to be open with them...

*hugs helen* I'm glad that your friend is doing better!

I am not doing great. I pretty much snapped at one of my friends last night when she was talking about how she doesnt like to make phone calls... I have social anxiety disorder... and normally i dont like people to know that i have a hard time... but she was complaining and complaining and i was having a hard time anyway, and i went off on how i depersonalize just walking down the street thinking that everyone is staring and when i have to talk infront of more than just a few friends i rarely remember what i said b/c i get so anxious.... she was like.. "oh come on... how traumatizing can that really be?"... idk it irked me quite a bit. She didnt really seem mad or anything... just unbelieving...and when we went back to the original topic of phone calls she was like, "well i guess some people just have issues"

Sorry this is a long and boring story.. Im upset over nothing.. as usual..

So glad that your friend is doing better, Helen... I can imagine that she would still be in a rough place emotionally, though, wow. But it's awesome that she's out of the ICU right now. Awesome. :D But how are YOU doing?? *cuddles*

Apparently my cat took away my contact lense case and one of its caps so I only have one cap left... going to have to find that before tonight comes and I want to put my contacts away. :( My tummy still isn't too happy with me so a lot of bending over etc. doesn't make it feel too good. Stupid body, how I hate you!! :( Well, I suppose I should blame more the GI bug, right? heh. :-/

I've been so ****ing anxious lately... I take 4mg Klonopin and I really don't want to bump it up to 5mg, especially as I'm not sure I have enough to last me until my next NP appt, but I hate the anxiety!! It is so crippling. :( Can any of you guys understand? It's like someone or something is in my chest, crushing my lungs and throat and making it really difficult to breathe and talk. Jarrod (husband) had to talk me through deep breathing over and over and over again last night... poor him, heh, I think he got annoyed with me as I kept hyperventilating!!

*cuddles everyone* ♥

It's understandable you're upset Laura *cuddles tight* That would irk me too.

April, you're very right about my best friend :) Hope you find your cap thing and soon :) *cuddles*

Aw Laura, that's not upset over nothing. Your friend didn't seem to be very understanding or kind... and that's not really how a friend should act. You're not being stupid or anything... I'd be upset, too, as it's difficult for me to call places. In fact, my NP gave me the number of her new office last week and I just called yesterday to set up an appt... and as I said in another post, the appt's on the 26th and I'm not sure that I have enough meds to last me until then!! So yeah... :-/ Social anxiety can be annoying & traumatic. But you're not alone. *huggles*

*cuddles helen*

*hugs april* yea, i know im not alone... it still sucks though. If you think you are running out of meds can you call and ask if there is anything they can do to get you a refill before the 26th? (i know.. after all this about anxiety my suggestion is to call.. haha.. ironic)

Lol. I could always text my NP to see if she'd call in a refill of Klonopin for me... she's done that before. Texting is so much easier than calling!!

*huggles*

I love texting. HATE calling. The only two people I'm happy to call are my best friends lol. Oh and maybe couple of other friends. But yes, not a fan of calling :/

I always always text too if i have the option... i pretty much only call my family and my boyfriend.. everyone else i try to text first and only call if its an emergency lol.

*declares a denial section of the ward where everything can be done via text, including setting up appointments/making reservations*

*goes into Laura's denial section of the ward* :D Great idea, love. Hehe. I wish I could make appts by texting; that would be too awesome for words. But sadly I can't. Boo hiss. But - here I can!! :D

I don't mind calling a few people on my contacts list. But only a few, and usually I text prior to calling to make sure I'm not interrupting them. >_<

Grrrrr. I want to eat real food but I don't want to make myself sick. My mum is going to Walmart for us to pick up some jello and applesauce... so at least that will be a little better than just crackers. Lol.

*cuddles everyone*

We do have a denial tent in here too =)

hehehehe

Denial tents rock... :P

Lalalaaaa... *sings to self*

My back hurts. :(

My head hurts =( lol.

La la la *crawls into denial tent* Everything's fine hahaha

Aww. My head hurts a little, too. :( Boo hiss.

*curls up in denial tent with a teddy and a fleece blanket*

I'm sooo tired!!

Have a nap =)

Mmm I just got up from one... didn't actually fall asleep, just lay there for about an hour listening to Superchick and relaxing. :) Naps are good for when you're sick... in fact, naps are good anytime!! (except in class... lol)

How are you all doing now? *cuddles*

Good idea =D

I'm **** haha and next door have decided they want to do some REALLY LOUD BANGING AGAIN >.>

Aw, what's going on to make you feel ****?

I'm feeling pretty **** myself actually... gonna post in my r/v thread about it in a bit. *sigh* And my tummy hurts... again... I think I ate too much. :(

I'm absloutely ****ing fuming. Arrrgh >.>

But um yes. Am **** because of stuff going on with my best friends. Trying to be strong and help them both. I don't want to lose them. But it's really getting to me. Sick of some people's opinions. Sick of it all. Can we just fast forward time??

I wish we could. :( *cuddles* Sounds like you're in a rough spot, wish I could help more. What's going on with your best friends? care to talk about it at all?

Updated my venting spot thread. Is probably an ED trig though, in case anyone goes to read it. If anyone cares. >_<

I wish we could too. :'( *cuddles tight* Feels pretty rough. Think I'm getting into the same feeling/moodset as my best friends? Sort of am there already but keep changing moods. If that makes sense?

Well I have one best friend in hospital, as you know, wishing she was dead, wishing she could run and go do it all over again and and :'(

My other best friend, she's having one of her breakdowns. Should be used to it by now. She claims it's a mini one, but I honestly believe it's one of her full-blown ones. The last time she was this bad, we nearly lost her. Her care co-ordinater is being the shits. Not helping at all. I'm soooo scared. I really am and it's really upsetting me. I love her so much. I can't risk losing her.

I care about how you feel, I'll maybe read your rant thread in a little while. *cuddles tight*