*hugs papa bear* i'm sorry your in so much pain

*hugs Kahalia* sounds like your gp is a winner!

*squishes voice of reason* hope your feeling a bit more upbeat now :)

*hugs Todlich* I'm glad you choked on the pills and yes that taste is nasty :( have you got anyone you could call?

*hugs MamaMia* Hope your ok

Saw my psyche yesterday and she says she's going to see me more regulaly until i feel better, which is a plus

My dad's just gone out to get me my prescription for Tamiflu. Swine flu is horrible, I really hope the Tamiflu helps.

*Sets up camp in quarantine*

I guess the plus side is that I just can't smoke. My throat hurts too much.

hugs zowie hope u feel better soon.

*cuddles everyone gently*

Arwen, get better sweetie

Papa, I'm sorry you're in so much pain :(

Dayna, be careful sweetie, though I know how awful it is choking on pills, od or not >.<

Kahlia, how's uni going? and how's Nicole?


Feeling really anxious today. Not sure why. Feeling pretty **** today. Got to go to the post office in over an hour to pick up parcels. But really didn't want to go out today until later tonight. But I really want my parcels, so will just have to go out :P

Hey guys, sorry I've been quiet, my M.E. has been worse and so I was spending time at my partners being looked after and then on sunday and yesterday some of my crazy thoughts returned!! I was hoping they were gone for good, but it is PMDD time, so I'm hoping that, along with feeling crappy due to M.E symptoms is the reason why, as I really don't want to go back to that dark place again.

*group huggles everyone*

*cuddles Hayley*

I hope your M.E. settles down again real soon *squish*

hugs papa bear, hope you get better soon hunni.
argh!!! im so glad im back, just had the worst week of mylife. went camping got flooded out, then on top of that something else happened. thats left a mental and phiscal(sp) scare. i keep seen it happening again and again. hmm think i just go to the corner and hide for a while.

*cuddles zowie* swine flu sounds horrible hope you feel better soon

*hugs cheryl* how are you today honey?

*hugs haley* sorry your ME is bad hope you feel a bit brighter soon *squishes*

*hugs MammaMia* did you make it to the post office

*goes into the corner and hugs shadowedsoul* hope being here helps honey

thanks shadowedseraph, its helping, better than being in my house right now, my mum is driving me nuts, i just want to cut. damnit i really had enough today. someone shoot me now

*hugs shadowedsoul* i can empathise about parents really driving you mad, and wnting to cut *cuddles* but you have to try and be strong with it

Zowie my friend has just had swineflu....the tamiflu does help!! Get better soon *hugs*
*hugs for everyone else* hope you're all okay

*hugs voice of reason* how are you sweet heart?

I feel like crap.
My ex uploaded loads of pictures of his "amazing new girlfriend" today.
It makes me feel horrid.
I know its stupid to keep going on about him but argh. I really opened up to him and I feel like he lied when he said there was no one else

shadow struggling the discharge meeting made me worse. bad thoughts and actions are happening dont know wat to do.

Just popping in, we have visitors and are generally busy right now. Still not going great but hey I guess things will improve

*leaves hugs for all*

*Hugs Alexx* thats crappy i dont blame you for feeling bad! *Hugs Cheryl* sorry that the discharge meeting upset you honey *Hugs Secrets* Hope things are on the up

hmm i cant do this. walks into a padded room, shuts the door and screams and hits hand hard on every wall. argh!!!!!!!!!!, screw everthing, what the hell is the point, ****sake, i cant do this. culrs up in corner crying my eyes out

Wow there have been a lot of posts since I last wrote. I'm not going to do individual replies because I'm scared of missing someone.
*hugs all*
However I will say: Arwen I hope the drugs help with the swine flu. Good luck.

My news is minimal. I contacted both my brother and sister about the continuing pain in my thumb since I broke my scaphoid. They both told me to tell the physio about it on Friday and just continue with the exercises that I can do to unfreeze my wrist. Hopefully the pain is just because my thumb froze in the cast and I haven't broken my thumb as well.
I forgot to ask my GP about getting counselling but that can wait until the next time I see him.
Time is quickly creeping up until I reach 1 year SI free - some 19 days to go or something like that.

*hugs everyone but leaves hugs for Arwen in the quarantine corner*

Stop the world. I need to get off. Just for five minutes.

*big hugs for everyone*

I move into my new apartment tomorrow! I'm super excited!!! :-)

Sorry to hear so many are struggling right now...

*hugs Laura* Good luck with moving apartments

*leaves big hugs for everyone else on the ward*

Shiiiiiiit, I missed a good few posts in here o__o;.

My friend's mum spoke to my GP because she says that my housemate and I are at crisis point, and has managed to - apparently - get the crisis team to come and see me but...nothing yet. I've also got a psychiatrist appointment for 12th October, I think, but I'm only really interested in that to finally find out exactly what the **** the void is -__-;;.

Speaking of, it's really ****ing strong tonight x_O. My head's been feelng really funny tonight >_< and it's becoming a struggle to fight it off. I'm trying, though.

Sorry I haven't really been replying much to anyone else's problems lately D: *hugs all* <3

goes into a padded room and hits head on the wall to stop my head going

Sorry guys... I've been around.. just too much **** happening. Episodes ****ing with my head-starting to feel disoriented, missed my bus stop today. Grr. Been having really good highs but then come crashing down bad. Fricken hate it. I'm over it all. r/ship is hanging on by a thread.. mmhmmmm. I don't know what I want to do anymore.. dunno what I want =[ I'll be back later.. just wanted to check in *hugs for all*

*hugs all*

Dayna/Todlich ~ I hope you and your housemate get the help you need
Katie ~ Just hang in there darl - easier to say than to do I know
Cherylwilson ~ *holds you and keeps you safe from your head*

Actually if I knew how to fix heads I'd be worth millions.

*hugs to all* i hope peoples days are going better today, my head is not letting me type too much so just leaving *hugs* and love

i wish u cud 2 wish ne1 cud. be helpfull. i know i need help just dont know how people could help thats all. goes bk to hiding ro the world

*hugs cheryl* have you got anyone you could speak to who could maybe help you figure it out?

well i tried to phone my cpn but he was out. so in the end i phoned up the OT which is complicated cus she was officially suppose to discharge me yest but turns out that in theroy its next week. its confusing for me let alone neone else. she tried still bout the same lil less hysterical think ive ran out of tears and gota go to work now and put on a happy face when all i can think of is killing myself argh my head feels like its going to explode. sorry i know im going on and wasting everyones time

*hugs cheryl* your not wasting anyones time! I'm glad you phoned your OT did she help at all? Perhaps going to work will help you feel a bit better, give you something to concentrate on? Sorry i'm not much help

Message from Nicole[mouse in darkness]
Hugs to all and big safe hugs to Arwen in the quarantine corner. I hope that everyone starts to improve and everyone starts to feel okay. She said to tell you all that she misses you and the support she gets from RYL.

Nicole is still in hospital and hasn't seen a doctor so we don't know how long she'll be in there for. She was starting to feel a little better today so hopefully not too much longer.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

So I have news.
Apparentlly Im too much hassle for my ex to stay friends with me.
Apparentlly he hates me
Apparentlly Im a bitch who makes everything difficult and complicated
Apparentlly I cause all the drama in my life and he never wants to see me again.

You know what....FINE!
I hate him *shakes with anger*

You know what?
I can't do this.
I can't cope with her being so suicidial and was going to kill herself yesterday. But I have to
I can't cope with someone else and their custody battle, because his parents are such ****ing wankers. But I have to
I can't cope with the urges. But I have to
I can't cope with my ****. But I have to
I can't cope with my sisters making stuipd comments. But I have to
I can't cope with ANYTHING!!!! But I have to

**** IT ALL (Y)

*hides in the denial tent because everything is just FINNNNNNNNNNNNNE*

*offers support to Alexx*
*hugs Helen tightly*

Did I mention that my friend let me down again? Three times she was supposed to come over - THREE FRICKING TIMES - but each time she didn't show she didn't even bother to send a text, email, whatever to say she wasn't coming. Inconsiderate bitch. Sorry but that irks me. If you say you are going to do something then you do it, if you can't you let people know. Grrrrrr.

sorry I haven't written much recently, but I have been reading and thinking of you all. I just wanted to send you all hugs and hope things get better, oh and puppy sinclair is bouncing around slobbering over everyone who will give him a kiss :)

um yeh she did help slightly but i still feel the same if that makes sense. ended up being upset at work.

4 words i never wanted to hear: "you're going to die"
times i've heard them today (aka in the 2-3 hours of consciousness): 9
how long they've given me: 6 months max.
likelyhood of ever seeing my horses again: slim-to-none.
FML x infinity...

*hugs Kahlia tightly but hopes she doesn't hurt you*

*hugs PapaBear if he can accept hugs* I'm so sorry to hear that :(

Hannah ~ thinking of you too. And I did wonder where puppy SinClair got to
cherylwilson ~ *offers hugs*
PapaBear ~ I'm so sorry. That's the worst news you could ever hope to hear. *offers hugs if you are able to take them*
Helen ~ thanks for the gentle hugs *hugs you right back*

I saw the physio today for my wrist and they are worried about the amount of pain in my thumb. They said if it continues or gets worse in any way they'd send me back upstairs (fracture clinic). My thumb and my hand are really painful. My shoulder at least is not too bad from the surgery. The physio said that my asking whether the capsule will stretch again isn't stupid and I should ask them when I see them next.

I also went for lunch with my sister, brother in law and my sister in law today and went to my old GP so she would write what I wanted her to on the Stat Dec for my court hearing. I think what she has written will be good enough but I'm going to run it by legal aid first.

Now I'm tired, dizzy and dehydrated. Fun.

Everyone thinks i'm getting better, but i'm not *cries* i really need a hug

*Waves to everyone from quarantine*
Thanks for the hugs and get well messages guys, it really means a lot and makes me feel heaps better :)
Sorry I'm not doing individual replies, can't really manage sitting at the computer much longer, need to curl back up on the sofa. I have read everything that's been going on though and my thoughts are with you all.
I've been taking all sorts of painkillers, flu remedies and cough syrups as well as the Tamiflu and still don't really feel much better. Barely slept at all the last couple of nights because I couldn't stop coughing, and have had a pounding headache for two days straight now. It's an absolute nightmare! My dad and sister are being really helpful though. My little sister, bless her, keeps putting on a nurse costume and asking if I need anything :)
Right - Back to the sofa.
Love you all <3
xxx

i screw up everything that is good in my life. so sorry i dont mean 2.

>__< I'm so sorry he got away with it, but please don't hurt yourself *hugs muchly* pleaaaaaaaaaaaase try and stay as safe as possible

*big hugs*

I hope that you start feeling better soon Arwen.

Please keep yourself safe. I'm sorry that he got away with it but please don't injure yourself as that's just another win for him.

*hugs you tightly*

*hugs Dayna*

*leaves big hugs for everyone*

My physio is unhappy with the swelling and pain in my thumb after having the cast removed. She got the hand specialist to have a look at me. And he wasn't happy either. They've given me this stuff that I have to put on my thumb every day which is kind of difficult to do because it's on my dominant hand. It's supposed to help with the swelling. She said and so did the hand specialist that it could mean annother trip upstairs to fracture clinic if it doesn't settle.

*leaves more hugs for all and bit pats and so forth for Puppy SinClair*

*checks self in again*

Hey everyone. It's been a little while...

I don't think I'm safe right now...

I feel trapped at the moment.

My brother (14 years old) has been in this mental health unit for the last few weeks... he's bipolar and ADHD, or we thought so... the doctors on the coast say they don't think he is... but we know it. He's a manipulative kid and he's smart. He knows how to get what he wants. And right now he wants to be out of there. We've just been told that basically he's a "normal kid with a disability" but that's utter crap. He makes everyone in our house sick, literally. We've been told that he's coming home in two weeks... He hasn't even been taken off all his meds so they know what he's really like... It isn't fair!

My mom is super upset about it, but she's expressing it by being a bitch to me... I can't handle the stress.

I'm trying to work right now as well now, I'm going into grade 11 this year, and I don't have a math class set up because I was going to do it over the summer, and didn't end up doing it because I didn't pass the test to get into the summer course... I'm trying to work and be social with my friends and do all the housework Mom wants me to do and work through my feelings about Chase coming home and not hurt myself at the same time.

My parents are thinking that when Chase gets home they're basically going to send him into foster care if he can't get along with everyone. And I'm going to lose my baby brother.

I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out trying so hard to keep myself here and not go cut again. I've been free for almost 3 months, I don't want to mess up now and prove that I am a failure.

My supposed best friend can't help me because she's got her own stuff to deal with, and I think I'm losing her as a friend anyway, because I'm growing up so quickly, and she's not growing up at all...

This week alone I've thought about suicide at least once a day...

I need help and safety...

*hugs Ashley* That sounds terrible hun. Feel free to cry in here there's always someone around to pass out the tissues.

Thanks Kahlia.
I really need some support right now...
*cries, trying to hold self together*

*hugs Ashley tightly* *passes over a box of tissues*

*offers cuddles* That's so sad, I hope something can be done to help real soon :(

Kahlia, how you doing sweetie?

*takes tissue box and accepts cuddles*
Thank you so much.