she told me she would ring my mum cause i wanted to go home but she took me to a dark room and wouldnt let me out...no one knew i was there and it was in the bush with no one around for ages....she hurt me so much i left my body and thought i was going to die ....im feeling scared so scared

*snuggles tight* Remember that you're grown now and she's not around. She can't get you anymore honey, never again. You're safe and it's going to be ok. Try to do some gronding and remember where you are. I need to go to bed now but look up some grounding techniques ok love? *hugs* lots*

thanks for the hugs ''hugs back''....what are grounding techniques?

Grounding techniques are things that can help you get out of flashbacks/scary memories and remember you're in a safer place. Like moving around the room, splashing water on your face, looking at the date and your surroundings. There's a thread somewhere around here on them... I'll see if I can find it later.

God, I ****ing hate her. I never used to be a hateful person.
2 years, and I never even realized what was happenning wasn't normal. After all, every relationship has suicide threats if you put down the phone, right? Everyone is told that he is the reason for his girlfriend's panic attacks and hallucinations. That was normal. I was so ****ing stupid. She convinced me cutting was ok. I don't know if I'll ever not be worried about a girlfriend constantly again, you know? I'm with someone else now, and I have to constantly ask if she's mad at me, just because I think she should be, because the other one was. She ****ed me up forever.

I'm sorry to everyone on here who's stories are so much worse than mine. I know I really got off easy, but it's hard to come to terms with, still.

*hug Spyke*
Me not think you stupid. You have every right to be angry.

*hugs spyke* this thread is for every one abused, so feel free to talk. :) I'm sorry you had to go through this, I hope your new partner will be understanding and you'll be happier again.

Two words: Mother's Day

Anyone else not looking forward to it? Luckily this year my mom's not with me on Mother's Day, but she will be the day after. A day all about her? When I have to tell her how much I love her? After everything she's done/doing? Yes I love her: she's my mom, but that doesn't make it easy to tell her, or buy her a soppy card. Can't say I'm looking forward to all the memories of past mother's days either.

Maybe I'm just being pathetic: it's just a day after all.

I hate mothers day too... I've been disowned by my mum now so don't have to see her or send a card or anything. But the day itself always serves to remind me of how parents are "meant" to be...

*hugs blue and Hazel* It's not pathetic to hate Mother's Day. It's not just a day really, it's something hung over your head and like you mentioned--bad memories. Not every mom deserves a sappy card or to be praised so mch for what she's done. Maybe when you're away on MD you can find something distracting and fun to do? *leaves more hugs for everyone*

Sure Ollie honey you can talk about your first mummy if you want. And don't worry, I know which one you meant. :) *hugs*

every time i come on this board i look at this thread and then i never post anything.

i cant say anything bad about my mum.

i dont hate her.

shes my mum and i love her and im trying to forgive her for the **** things shes done - she was ill.

i know i dont have to say anything horrible about her, you can still love people who have hurt you. and she has hurt me alot over the years. she really has. i hated her for it. but im really really trying at the moment.

Sweetheart, there is a different between saying something horrible about someone, and simply telling the truth about something that was done to you. In fact, talking about it and getting it out might help you process and deal with it, so you feel you can properly forgive and move on with your life honey. *hugs gently*

I completely understand what you mean, and I hate saying things about my mom for that reason. It's feels disloyal. My mom's done some pretty horrible things to me in the past too and still does now sometimes, but I love my mom with all my heart. She's my mom, and always will be, even if she's not perfect.

Telling the truth about what she's done to you is really hard and upsetting, but it doesn't mean that you hate her. It's ok to say what's happened, because all you're doing is telling the truth, and it wont mean you love her any less, but it might make you feel a bit better within yourself.

Try and share whenever you can. No pressure.

Mother's day isn't coming up til in May..I hates my grandmother and she is making it worse! She always getting on my nerves all the time..

I did even remember that in the past the things she did to me..I was really little and she didn't take me in the bath or shower, she has a cloth with the water all over me when I was on the toilet (lids closed). she went all over my body and I hates it..does that abuse or anything? when she talks like that but was it a verbal abuse?

My grandfather spanked my butt when I got a older like 18 or 19 years old because I hates that he was "checking on me" and I got mad at him then he goes in and spanked my butt and got really upset..it's making me self-harm (which I never do in the past) but now, I do so it was an ex-cutter anyway, it was on and off sometimes but not all the times and often..I feel like that they letting me down before I letting them down because of my abuser cousin:S.

Blue and some of the others are in the UK DeeDee, and their Mother's Day is this Sunday. Canada and the US's is in May.

About your grandma...I'm having a bit of trouble understanding your English but I'm guessing you said your grandma washed you all over while sitting on the closed toilet? That might be abuse, also because it's pretty odd as to why she wouldn't just put you in the bath to clean you. Did this happen more than once? And did she touch you while doing it? And saying lots of mean and cruel things to someone is verbal abuse.

As for your grandfather, spanking someone that's 18-19 is def abuse, whether considered physical or sexual. *hugs*

yeah, I know troubleshooters, that's where I lives in Canada and Mother's day isn't until May.

Well, no, just once and she never touched but her face cloth on my body for washing and no, she never force me to get in the bath..it was awful! Yes, she is a verbal abuse and that saying a cruel things to everyone in my whole family because of it..

My grandfather is deffinately abuse me, I don't know what I'm going to do with that crap. it would be a physical abuse so yeah..I got scared of what they will brings and even worse for my sexual abuse cousin. I told my mom about my grandmother about her abuse and she thinks it is not abuse and I was like "What"? but I told her in a serious tone and she didn't think that was it..She doesn't believe me that I says do or don't..I know everything about them and that's why they keep letting me down because of my cousin and everything else makes it worse.

*hugs* I'm sorry you went through that. Also, it's hard to get family to understand things sometimes.

Well, I have been talked into sharing my story on this forum.
I don't even know if it's relevant to me, I can't see what happened as abuse. She's my mother after all; not some monster.
The earliest childhood memory I have is sitting on the living room carpet with my sister. I forget what we were doing, but we were just messing around, being normal sisters. Again, I don't remember why, but for some reason, I bit my sister (who is the same age as me), I don't know if it hurt her, but my mum saw and bit me back. So hard, she drew blood. I was three years old.

I don't have a lost of memories of the 'abuse', but I do remember losing my Brownie hat when I was nine. She repeadedly hit me around the back and head all the time she was calling me names and shouting at me. That night, at Brownies, someone asked me if I had been crying. I told them I had been rubbing my eyes. I always knew it was wrong, even then, but to me, it was just the way things had always been. It still is.

I remember my mother having a stick that she found in the wood, one end had blue paint on it for some unknow reason. She used it to hit me with. It wasn't very often, but it was on once occation, hard enough to draw blood. I remember another incident, where my sister was teasing me, again. Her and my brother were always ganging up on me and making me feel like crap. At first, I thought it was what normal brothers and sisters did, but they never fought with each other. Only me. Anyway, I lost it with her and slapped her on the back, she started crying, but she wasn't going to tell my mum. We may have hated each other, but we didn't wish my mother's anger on anyone. But my brother told. As predicted, my mother got out her stick and soon, my sister wasn't the only one in tears.

She didn't often hit me in visible areas, but I did once or twice, get a slap around the face. For reasons I can't remember, but I know I never did anything really wrong, they were just normal, childish wrong-doings. One time, I was going to a friend's house when I was about 9. My mum wanted me to take my sister, but I wasn't pleased about that as she had tormented me all of my life. I told my mum I didn't want her there and she slapped me across the face. I didn't even know what I was supposed to have done wrong.

When my brother, my sister and I were misbehaving, she would go and get the stick and leave it next to her to serve as a threat to what would happen if we continued. We hid it once, but then she just used her back scratcher instead, and we got another whack for hiding the stick in the first place. I don't think she ever found it. To this day, I have no idea where it is.

I don't know under what circumstance, or who it was, but someone once asked me if my mum hit me. I told them she didn't, even though I didn't know what she was doing was wrong, I just wasn't sure of other people would see it that way. Despite all this, I loved my mother. When I was younger, I was a real mummy's girl. I thought I would die is anything happened to her. I would always kiss her goodnight before I went to bed, and almost never fought with her. Yes, she would hit me, but I would never fight back, or say anything agaisnt her.

Now, I am not so much of a mummy's girl. Quite the opposite in fact; I dread going home. The 'abuse' stopped a few years back. She knows if she tries anything now, I would either leg it, or fight back. The last time anything happened was when I was arguing with my sister. I was around 12 at the time and my mum heard us and came upstaris with her stick. My sister ran and hid, but I got a whack. It hit me on the hand and very nearly made me bleed. It bruised me at any rate, but by then, I knew not to react. I stared at her and refused to even flinch.

It wasn't just the physical either. It was, and still is, emotional. She calls me all sorts of names. I can't remember everything she's ever said to me, after a while, you learn to tune out so you don't have to listen to people telling you how stupid, pathetic and worthless you are.

Once, she found out I had self harmed. I told her it was a one off, but her words exactly were, 'well make a better job of it next time will you? That'll give me one less mouth to feed'. She also told me not to tell anyone else because they would think I was a crazy freak. I didn't even care, I am used to it now.

Sometimes, it's as if nothing I do will ever be good enough for her. I go to a grammar school and am in top set for English. My teacher's words, not mine, I am the best in the class by miles. Is that good enough for her? Of course not. I have to be better. I have to do better in biology and maths, despite the fact I am on an A/A* for biology, it isn't enough for her.

To this day, I have never seen what she did do and what she does do as abuse. She's my mother, surely that gives her the right to do whatever she likes? Anyway, I have decided it's not her, it's me. My brother and sister never liked me when we were little, and although we get on better now, they still reguarly tell me how pathetic and ugly I am. None of my family ever hesitate to tell me how crap I look, or how stupid I am. I have also been bullied by three other girls, and people snap at me. A lot. Surely then, it isn't them with the problem? It's me. I'm the one that's wrong.

Even my best friend turned against me. That's a story in itself, but in a nutshell, she got sick of my 'moaning' and cutting. She called me an attention seeking bitch and said all I do is f**k up her life. She replaced me and made me feel like it was my fault. She said she didn't care about me or my problems and I was a pathetic freak who should jsut get over herself. She was right.

Since then, I have built a wall and let no one past it. Even sharing this here is a huge rareity for me. Usually, I tell no one anything of how I'm feeling. I have thought about killing myself, but even my best frined thinks I'm happy. The only person who has ever showed any signs of careing is my English teacher. After my nan died, she supported me in the days leading up to the funeral. She was the one who sorted out the bullying after I finally got togther the courage to tell her. I asked to speak to her after school once. I sat with her for a bit, but I couldn't get my words out. I wanted to tell her everything, except about the 'abuse' because then she would go to the social services and all hell would break loose. Besides, there was nothing to tell, it was nothing. Anyway, I sat there opening and closing my mouth and she said to me, 'come on, I haven't got all day.' I thought she cared. Since then, I haven't told her a single word about my feelings or life. The wall is there for good now, and no one will get past it.

To me though, it was just the way things had always been. There's nothing horrific or terrfying in what happened. Although I was scared of my mum for the best part of my life. I'm not now, but I don't tell her if I fail something. I don't want to give her any more chances to tell me how worthless I am. Most of the time, I don't tell anyone I'm trying; that way, if I fail, I have no one to let down but myself.

There was one person who always stuck up for me. Who always told my mum not to get so angry, who moaned at my brother and sister when they were nasty. One person who I could hold a whole conversation with without them making me feel like **** once. My Nanna. I miss her so much. She was the only member of my family who I never once doubted their love for me.

All these years, I didn't even realise what happened was wrong. Now I know it was, but I can't see it as abuse. Abuse makes me think of people being beaten, raped, evey night of thier lives. Stuff like that. What happened to me wasn't abuse. At least not the way I see it. I'm just making soemething out of nothing. As my family tell me. Pathetic.

*hugs* You did a good job posting all that honey. Maybe you can tell your English teacher about some of the stuff that used to go on. It's not your fault you were hit and that you're told mean things. No one deserves to be treated that way.

I can't. I really can't. One, she doesn't really care about me.
Two, even if she did, I couldn't anyway. She would have to tell the head of child protection, who would report it to social services. I can't do that, I really can't. No one can know. Not ever. It's OK on here, no one knows me.

yeah, troubleshooter, it is hard to understand what I'm going through but I had talked with my mother at lunch time today and told her what my grandfather did to me a years ago and she told me that they are really weird and crazy grandparents, I agree with hers and her saying. No one knows what I'm doing right instead of wrong things to do but, some of them are not going to figure it out why I haven't been to my grandparent's house anymore and cause at their house, I was going to kill myself, very low point, unsafe and anger towards them because of my cousin..

All I know that it is not my fault so it's their fault but not mines..My grandmother keep saying a mean things to everyone expect me and she also thinks I'm wonderful and all that nice stuffs but really gets it to me was she keeps going on in the family without me there..I was afraid of them getting hurt by my grandmother so they got to deal with it and move on so that's a good starts (whew). I never loved them as much as I could do but I mean, I loves my two aunts, uncles & fews cousins (on my dad's side of the family)..They could do anything for me and support me all the way even they loves having me around them and it does makes me happy with them too. Mind you, I never cuts from them but I sometimes cuts from my grandparents and cousin too..It's makes me sick in my stomach and can't even stop thinking about it for a while since then..It is hard to deal with it on my own and stuffs to distracts me away from them..I can't even open it up to my two aunts & few cousin cause I don't wants them to know what's going on with me because I can't go to their houses so they might be not finding out (thank god I hope)..I usually keep it for a secret and so is my mom too..She keeps her own words and she always making exuses that I'm not going to their houses anymore. I finds it really hard to deal with it but I almost ended up cutting but suddenly, I have to think of my two aunts and few cousin who needs me more than me but I mostly need them sometimes whatever bothers me the most..

That the story that I'm telling about it..It's felt good to post on here:)..

Hugs to you all who have a diffcult times like this.

I was emotional and in some cases physically abused by a group of girls all through Jr. High and High School. These girls were considered friendly, popular( one was even voted most friendly in the year book), I could not and still can't understand why nobody else saw their meaness and cruelty.

People see what they want to see and they don't like to openly think that the pretty, popular types aren't worthy of their popularity.

I was bullied by people who were supposed to be my friends, I mentioned being bullied to one of them a year or so later and she said that it wasn't bullying. Like being verbally abused and/or threatend every day for months isn't bullying. Being ostracised isn't bullying. Being physically attacked isn't bullying. I should have asked what her definition of bullying was if it didn't include any of these things, how far would it have to go before she'd admit it? broken limbs maybe?

Hi

I was abused by my sister when i was younger but feel ashame as didnt think is was possible to be abused by my own sister !!!!

*offers hugs to all*

I know it's a bit late but I was reading over the posts about mother's day and it kinda hit me a bit. I hate mother's day, I hate my mother's birthday. My dad bought the gift for me to give to her, as he does. And that was fine, but writing the card is always hardest for me. Writing 'mum' instead of mother. Writing 'love from'. It was so stupidly hard. I only do it for my dad's sake...

From what I've read, you guys still love your mum, don't hate her. I'm sure I've not experienced anything near as bad as you but I hate my mother. I hate her with a passion. And I hate myself for it. I dispise myself for loathing her, for thinkg the things that I do. I don't do it on purpose, like I think my dad thinks I do. I can't control the way I feel about her and it just makes me loathe myself even more for being such a heartless cow. Nobody understands how I feel about her. And nobody understand why. I don't understand why either, but I know it's wrong. I'm supposed to love her and respect her and whatever but I look at her and feel hatred, repulsion, disgust. And then I'm back to hating myself just as much.

Sorry for rambling on *curls up*

It's very possible to be abused by your sister Emily, do you want to share anymore?

*hugs zed gently* Sweetheart, you're not doing anything wrong by hating your mom. It sounds like she hurt you badly, whether it was hitting, verbal abuse or anything else, it's hurt you a lot. It's ok to feel how you feel. You don't have to love or respect her if she did bad things to you. It's not wrong. Why don't you try and explain why you feel that way towards her? Maybe we'll understand a bit and help you understand as well.

when i was about 8 years old my sister use to touch me and make me do things i did want to, i have never spoken about it before i throught that it was normal and i feel ashamed about it!

I'm glad you finally felt safe enough to share honey. That's very wrong of your sister and it's not your fault. *hugs gently* How old was your sister?

she was 18 years old !!!!

That's a lot older and def old enough to know that she was doing wrong. Do you want to share or ask anything else or how you feel about it?

I just needed to know whether it was normal or not and needed to share it with someone as i have never told anyone because might think im stupid and disgusting!!!

It's not normal for an 18 year old girl to touch her little sister's private parts or make her do adult things. You can share some of the things she made you do in a PM if you're still confused and don't want to share it all. You're not stupid, and while it may feel disgusting that doesn't mean you are sweetheart. *hug*

whats a PM only being on here for a couple of weeks so dont really know wot to do!!!!

Hah, it's ok. Click on my name (the name, not picture). Click on "send a private message to..." Then another screen will pop up, and you can send a private message to me that only I can see. I'll send one back that only you can see. Trust me, you'll get it.

She didn't do anything bad though, not really. As far as I can remember she never hit me I don't think. She had to sit on me and force feed me 'cause I was awkward so that was my fault. I feel no connection 'cause she just wasn't there when I needed her, but that wasn't her fault either, it was mine, I almost killed her and she's been paying for it ever since. *shrug* I don't want to hate her, just myself.

Emotional abscence can make you feel that way too honey. And you shouldn't be hating yourself either. *hugs*

Zed as previously said emotional absence can really ****ing hurt, and also with the force feeding imagine you as a small child, to you she was forcing her will on you, hurting you and you didn't properly understand why, to you at the time it would probably have seemed like abuse, so you have probably internalised those feelings of anger, fear and confusion etc and they just haven't left since those early days.

*hugs Tracie* thanks

*shrugs* The force feeding isn't really a major part of it 'cause it wasn't just her that did it. If I have to think about it I'd say maybe I'm angry 'cause when I needed her she wasn't there, she didn't care, and now it's too late, now she's feeling guilty, but now I just don't want to know her. I see mums with their daughters/children everywhere, in real life, on TV, in films, and it hurts, it really hurts that I never had that and probably never will, I want that kind of relationship, but not with her, not any more.

That's entirely understandable sweetheart.

Haven't been here for a while, so only just seen everyone's posts. Just wanted to say well done to everyone that has posted their story, and also say thank you. Hope everyone's doing ok.

*cuddles all braves peoples and gives sprinkles of glitters too* :)

i.. i wanted to asks, how, where does ables to tell what it is..
how can tells if isnt punishing for bad, and theys being nice
or when it becomes not nice anymore..

aww, thank you sarah for the pretty glitters!

Well, some of my family thinks I'm a bad girl (that's not true) but they knows I'm being a nice person and a good girl too..If I wasn't puishing myself because of it and it is not my faults and it's theirs own fault for doing the wrong things to me in the past..

how can you tells if theys wrong things or not?
what if you know what they is do is okay and not bad, but other people tells you its bad things all times?
see well maybe is bes different for you cause yous good but, well sarahs a bad girl real bad and i gotsa get punished *nods* but other peoples isnt sees that its punishes, they tell sarah its wrong

and, and sarah real real loves yous picture of sunshines and rainbows ;f

^bet you're not bad sweetie <3

Thanks for the glitter Sarah :)

To answer your question hunni, sometimes it's easier to see things from the outside compared when you're so involved in something. When you're hurt for a long time, you get used to it and presume that it's ok and even blame yourself. But when other people look at your situation, they can see many ways in which it's not ok. It's like, I believe that what happens to me is my fault, but I'm sure that if I told you about my situation, you'd disagree. And that's how I feel with you, even though I don't know what's been happening.

And Sarah hunni, I'm fairly certain that you're not a bad girl and definitely don't deserve to be hurt. Have you got anyone close to you that you trust? When they tell you it's not your fault or that you're a good girl, it's important that you believe them :)

Well done for posting though, it must have been really hard, but you did a good job :) Hope you can come back and post again :)

Hey, I havent been on this thread in a while,is it ok if I come back in for a while?

You're welcome in here anytime, :) Need to talk?

And they're right Sarah, you are a good girl, and it would be different if you could see it on the outside. *hugs lots*

Aww thanks Sarah:)..( I don't know how to use the smiley face)..I likes the rainbows and the sun too:).

Anyway, as you says that you are a bad girl I don't think that you are bad girl but you are much more loved, kind and a good girl..

You don't need to be punished for it and it is okay to feel hurts but you have to get used to it so I kinda feel that sometimes but even though, no one can tell you what to do and it's their own wrong choice of making worse things to us really..I got to be honest with you sarah, some people don't know what to think or say something negatives so, sometimes, they don't know what they are doing is very wrong things to someone else's feelings like hurts, angers and hurting themselves ( I gets that alots).

Anyway, you are far beyond beautiful and great person to start with on this posts..Keep talking to us and mabye you can come and post it again!

*hugs*

Thanks...
My abuser came into my work on Sunday, while I was in the middle of a shift.
Walked right past me, pretending I wasnt there.