Emma: Nah, I'm kept semi sane by talking to one of my closest friends, so my sleeping patterns don't bother me that much <3.

And thanks, lol. When I do finally go to bed, I ain't coming out again until 5pm <__<;;

Afternoon everyone...

Feeling better. I felt better after I had some red rooster chips, perhaps I was suffering withdrawals tehehehe.

Emma- take care of yourself there *cuddles* your not pathetic =)

Glad you're doing better now, Katie ^__^

EDIT: OH HEY. Someone's been showing signs of 'stalking' me in another forum.

Creepy **** ._.;

Anyway, is beddy times for me now, see you guys tomorrow *hugs all and vanishes*

*hands out ear muffs*
*sings to Kahlia*
Zowie, that downright sucks. There's gotta be another door opening for you...look for it.

MaryAnne, don't cry baby. Stupid he-devil. *hisses*

Sending my love to all of you...

Thanks D'Arcy. It's kind of you to sing to me. I won't stress about blocking my ears lol ... I sing opera for fun. My singing teacher wants me to audition for the conservatorium in BrisVegas. I don't have the self confidence to manage it though.

*offers hugs to everyone*

Mind if i take a bed in the corner for a while? I could use the break.

Thank goodness for the weekend, a friday night at a friend's house and a drink took my mind of the crappiness of life for a while.

I am exhasuted this morning, the second my body realises it does not have to get on with the going to work and doing the essentials it shuts down just now, it is 11:30am and I have not had the energy to get dressed yet (not good as it is freezing here).

*curls up under a warm duvet*

*sends some chillyness to those who are too hot and hugs everyone*

Does anyone mind if I just curl up and die in a corner ?? I'm really sorry for not being able to support anyone right at the moment. My every thought and breath is being spent in just trying to keep me alive, and I don't know if that is a task worth undertaking. I feel unworthy of everything. Sorry.

*hides in a corner sobbing*

*cuddles everyone* No need to apologise... we can't support everyone all the time... but mind if I join you guys? I feel like ****.. really.. I don't know why I keep drinking when I know it makes me feel like ****.. I have urges... arrrgghhhh... I feel crap... grrrr.... I dunno *shrugs* *cries*

there is no need to apologies kahlia, *hugs* i am so sorry you are struggling you can survive, i no it is hard, but please keep going. please do not hesitate to pm me anytime you want to talk.

*hugs* drink always does that to me yet i still seem to keep drinking. i dunno anymore.

sends hugs to everyone else.

Thanks Louise, how are you? *cuddles*

not great at all today. *cries*

*cuddles* anything you wanna talk about?

it will be ten years tomorrow since my birth mum took her life, and i found her, and on monday, it is a year since my friend died.

think my computer is having a bad day, I posted but it would not appear :(

for once had a good night last night, visited a friend, had a drink and did not cry.

*love and hugs to everyone*

*cuddles louise* I'm sorry to hear that =( Take care of yourself ok? I know it's prob hard =( just try =( *snuggles*

Maryanne- glad you had a good night =) sounds like a good night :D *hugs*

I will respond properly to everyone later, promise.

Trying to find energy to go to a+e. Just want to crawl back into bed.

Take care Emma, hope you can find the energy to go *cuddles*

argh... i'm home alone now... alone.. alone.. I could do something.. just small.. no one would notice.. I could.. I could... argh... no no no no no.... *rock on the floor* I can't.. I shouldn't.. but I could.. *cries* *curls up in a ball*

I'm ok.. no one worry. Am off to bed. Night all *cuddles*
I'm ok...

*worries*

=\

*Hugs Katie*

What is it with me and drinking? I always seem to be telling you about how hungover I feel.
I do. I feel very sick and I'm going to be drinking again in about two hours x

Kahlia, dear, I wish you would give the conservatory a try...sometimes performing actually helps build self-confidence, contrary to what it feels like before ya get on stage! (I'm a pro musician, but NOT a singer, obviously :) ).

Hey Zowie, how are you, sweetie?

*hugs everyone and hands out nice warm blankets for good sleeping*

D'Arcy

*hugs Zowie*

*Sneaks in and hugs all*

*hugs everyone*

D'Arcy : I become someone else when I'm on stage ... I've done a lot of theatre work and I tend to become a "theatre persona" when I'm performing. Calm as and able to enjoy things, no matter what I'm like backstage.

-----

I'm sorry if I worried anyone. I managed to crash out last night at around 11pm and only just woke up at 7am .... not usual for me at all, but much appreciated. Especially with the way my head has been going lately. Sometimes I wish I could remove my head and let it sit somewhere else for a while doing it's own thing - kind of like the witch in Return to Oz. That would be quite handy.

Kahlia: x_o And how're you feeling now, any better? *Hugs*

*hugs Louise* I hope you are managing to stay safe there. How are you feeling now?

*waves at Kim* are you ok?

*leaves hugs and cookies for Katie when she wakes up* I hope you really ARE ok.

Glad you had a good night Marie-Anne, you deserved it :)

*spots Danya* How are you today? Sleep well?

Kahlia- that would be so cool *imagines little walking talking heads everywhere* Glad you managed to get some sleep. I think the Conservatory idea sounds awesome :) How are you feeling today?

Becareful there Zowie! Have a good time! Could you alternate soft and alcoholic drinks or something? I always find having the odd soft drink and/or downing a load of water before I sleep prevents most hang overs.

Are you alright Monarkh?

*leaves ice cream for the Ozzies, hot chocolate and mulled wine for the Brits and lots of hugs*

-----------------

Spent 6 hours in a+e convincing first a normal doctor, then two psychs and then the HTT I was safe to go home. Very bizarre! Doctor calls psych which I sort of understand, two come and interrogate me for an hour or so and then call someone from the HTT to the department (this was what I found weirdest :S Are psychs not part of the HTT??? What's the difference?) who briefly interrogated me before leaving. The outcoming being three wounds stitched and I am now under the care of the HTT but my one back home? Somehow? Very strange and I don't have the energy for their **** so I am going to block their number at least for tonight. *sits and cries*

Kahlia, glad to hear you got a good sleep.

I do some amateur burlesque dancing, on stage is one time I can completely forget about everything in my life and actaully enjoy myself, don't do it very often but very liberating when I do.

Party girl here has been out again (another good friend who is up for crimbo) but coming home to an empty house is sooo horrible.

*cuddles for everyone*

*settles down to watch a Knight's tale - I adored Heath Ledger - will make me cry no doubt*

Emma: Eh, I'm a bit wobbly. Triggered and the like, but slept okay, thanks. And I'd love to comment properly on the rest of your post, but most of the terms like HTT went over my head, tbh ._.;;. Thankfully, I've only ever had to go to A&E once, and the worst part of it was waiting to be seen so hm, not really sure what to say there

Mary Anne: Oooh, I've yet to see that. Heard a good few things about it though

HTT are Home Treatment Team...I think I had to see them the last time I went upto A&E, I dunno know though, Emma will correct me if I'm wrong no doubt.

*cuddles everyone and then hides in bed crying* :(

Dayna : Still not feeling too crash hot. Am managing to stress myself out thinking that now that one of my friends knows my plan she is going to be watching me and making her own situation worse. Bit of the guilt factor creeping in and making the **** feelings worse. But meh.

Emma : Yeah I'm surviving. That sounds like a very trying evening down at A&E. I hate spending any time down at A&E. I think one of my friends secretly wanted me to go up there last night but there wasn't really a good enough cause for it.

Mary-Anne : Thank you. It's so hard for me to get sleep that it makes a wonderful change when it does happen. I love being on stage ... I guess I'm just a performer by nature. My male parental unit keeps telling me that I'm a "little actor". He's probably got a valid point. I spend most of my time pretending and acting as if my mental state is a lot happier than it really is. It takes quite a bit for me to let my guard down.
Oh, and I loved the movie A Knight's Tale. Absolutely brilliant .... I hope you enjoyed it.

-----

I've been up for about two hours, and it feels like it's been heaps longer. Blech. I still feel like crap. I feel like I'm bringing everyone else down with me. Meh. Sorry.

*offers Helen some safe hugs*

*offers hugs to everyone else who can accept them and would like them*

*cuddles Kahlia*

Would quite like to get drunk right now, but it wouldn't be a good idea I guess. Espically not after what happened the last time....which invloved me in crying in the loos, embrassing myself and then being walked to my sisters car, yeah, real clever.

*cuddles Helen back*

I know what you mean about wanting to get drunk. Although I've never been drunk. I don't let myself get that far out of control. Well not to this point in my life anyway.

*cuddles some more*

I don't recommend it, can be fun, but then tends to make you feel **** if you were already (Y)

Now I'm triggered to OD :S Damm jokes >.<

Eee, sorry about my lack of posts in here guys. Kinda distracted with drawing right now

*big cuddles to all*

*cuddles Dayna*

Drawing is good :]

*Cuddles Hells* It'd be better if I could think of a position for this girl's arms, lmao. The only things that come to mind are things that I'm struggling with XDD *still very much in practice*

I'm here now.. sorry to anyone I worried. just had a **** night >_< damnyoualcohol. I is here. Very tired. Got lots to do today. We're leaving tomorrow... EEEEEEKKKKK ONE MORE DAY AND I SEE MY FAMILY!

Just to let you know.. I'm going to be at dads for a week & a half, he has the internet but I probs won't be on RYL.. just coz.. well... I don't want him to see ;) So if you don't see me.. it's ok =) Helen can let you know where I am ;) I will be on facebook and msn.

Hope everyone else is ok.. *cuddles*

Ooooh sounds kinda fun hehe Dayna, so you good at drawing? Well I know you said you were learning though... :)

Katiiiiiiie I'm gonna misssssssssssss you

I'm gonna miss you too *Cries*

Eeee, we'll see you when you get back, Katie *hugs*

Hells: I'm okay, even if I say so myself (*suddenly feels rather bigheaded* ._.) but there's still room for improvement

Yes you will! Though if I get on the net at Trents parents place then I will be able to come on here and say hi ;)

;o Fingers crossed then!

Tehehehe yeah =) Would be good =)

Oh sorry Helen for leaving you online =( We was doing a scan and had to close msn and then we went to the shops and I came back and you were gone =(

How are you Dayna? How's everyone else?

Have fun on your trip Katie.

I crashed out for 2 hours again today. Right around lunchtime. I wonder if I'm trying to tell me something lol.

Kahlia: Why not go take a nap, or something?

Katie: Ehh...still triggered. A little concerned for a friend, but not really sure what to say, either. You?

Glad you got some sleep Kahlia. I like naps.

Enjoy your trip Katie and have a great Christmas :)

How's the drawing going Danya? Hope you are managing to ignore the triggered stuff. Just let your friend know you are there, she probably already knows but I always like to be reminded so maybe it may help her/him too? Dunno....just a thought.

Yay for Heath Ledger Marie Anne! Hope you had a good evening.

*pokes Helen* Hope you are asleep girlie!

----

Helen is right HTT= home treatment team, used to be called crisis team. I just feel so....bleh. I can't sleep and I am supposed to be working in a few hours. I just don't know how tomorrow will work. My body is so agitated but my brain is just exhausted in every way. Triggered :(

Emma: I'm doing the colouring for it atm. Bit of a longwinded job, seeing how I have a habit of doing things in a cack-handed fashion, lol.

As for feeling triggered, trying to ignore it, but tis rather difficult when my mind keeps going 'grab a blade grab a blade grab a blade grab a blade' and so forth x_x.

And yeah, my friend does know that I'm here for him...but I think he's upset about something that I haven't experienced. So I just sort of feel a bit helpless D: