hun please stay strong i know its hard i really do but people really care about you and want you to get better and need you around

im here if you need to talk about anything

pm anytime

hugs

pixie xxxx

People dont need me around they can cope very well on there own i promise u that sorry im wasting everyones time i wont post nemore

things are just going from bad to worse cnt hold on much more

You can keep holding on. When do you next see your CPN?

2morrow at 12 i dont wanna go. hes gonna be so disapointed with me. i cnt hold on its 2 hard

Why is he going to be disappointed in you? Who do you see if you don't mind me asking (feel free to PM if you would prefer....or tell me to get lost lol, it's just I also see the Cov CMHT). You are struggling and that is not the same as doing something to disappoint your CPN. At the end of the day, despite how crappy you have been feeling you have still kept fighting....he should be proud of you rather than anything else. Will you be able to be open with him about what is going on with you?

hes called peter greenway hes a nice bloke ahh. with the OD on friday dont think he will be impressed the fact i didnt go to hospital or phone the crisis team. um possibly my best friend has told me she is cumin 2moz and if i dont tell him she will. im scared dont wanna go bk into the avenue clinic. but i dont wanna be here nemore and im hanging on by a very thinning thread. so i dont know wat to do im suppose to have a phone meeting with my occupational therapist on tuesday shes really nic ebut doesnt take no crap off me.

Could you ask to go to a different hospital instead? I think your friend going to the appointment may be a good thing. Please try and be honest and keep fighting.

i dont wanna go bk to hospital wat is the calidon like. i know but im scared. he is gonna be sooo dissapointed my OT has just phoned me up only just got the message from fri afternoon but hey. she was like u are more likely to open up if theres only one of us there at ur apointment. i dont know whether i should go or not.

I think you should definitely go to your OH appointment. Could your friend not just go and sit outside for moral support. Would you be more likely to be honest if you knew your friend was outside?

The Caludon was alright I guess, I know some people who think it is great but when I was there I found the only real thing it was good for was keeping me in a safe environment. There wasn't therapy, just medication and staff to talk to. Having said that, the rooms were all ensuite and pretty lol :P.

that was the same as the avenue clinic. im so scared they r gonna put me bk in. if i dont go i go bk to uni and finish it. if i stay ive gota talk

so i went to my appointment he wasnt too impressed. he wanted to know everything bout weds thurs fri so i told him lol the he asked me to do a risk assessment form that was a joke lol most the answers were yes lol. even if i wanted to the ward that i was on which i wud of felt happier going bk to has been closed down from today so no chance. he didnt feel the need to place me in inpatient dont know wat to make of that i know it sounds silly. am i not bad enough well my OT is phoning 2morrow morning she wants to have a long chat dont know if im gonna be able to last that long as im back at uni on my own and its very tempting to finish the job as nobody would find me for a few days sighs

im just letting everyone down ud all be better without me i keep messing up cant keep doing it to u im sorry

Uni's not the most important thing Cheryl. I know it feels like that when you are young but take it from an oldie like me :yeah: you truly have your life ahead of you. There will be time to do exams and things later on. There will always be oportunities for you. I know at your age I thought the sky would come down and the earth just crumble away if I didn't pass my exams to be a teacher but really what's most important is you and your health. There's no need to be sorry if you need time out from uni and there's no shame in it either.

tbh i cnt be bothered with uni neway i wud luv to become a teacher but im never gonna pass my exams. i cant see myself getting through tonight let alone getting into my second year

Hiya,
firstly *hug* sounds like you could do with them.

I agree that uni isn't the most important thing however it is a positive thing to focus on, are you involved in any other extracurriculare activities at uni that you could structure your week around. Exams are awful and do cause alot of stress however it isn't the end of the world if you fail them, you can only do your best.

Do you have any idea what triggered this?

xxx

hi thanks did need one.
yeh i play alot of sport especially netball it has been my major distraction for years but for the last few months it is more of a chore i play like 4-5 times a week sometimes. i didnt worry bout them untill the last few weeks after cumin out of inpatient when everyone was going on about them. i cant see myself reaching them so i dont see much point.
no theres nothing that stands out tbh ive been very low since feb march time spent 3 weeks as an inpatient. got slightly better when i first came back to uni then started to slip then came crashing down last week. i cant hold on nemore tbh i hate being here and got see anypoint in staying everyone can do sooooo much better without me that i cant see a future im easily replaceable xxx

Im sure the friend you mentioned having gone with you to your appointment needs you. It seems like she cares alot.

Uni is hard, I often really struggle with it because of the combination of the change, work and homesickness but sometimes you have to focus on the good days and hold on for the next one. Do you have a personal tutor or anyone you could talk to about your exams?

Is there any way you could reduce the amount you play netball a week to releive some of the pressure there? 4-5 times a week is alot, i play sport and train anywhere between 2 and 7 days a week depending upon the time of year however i have an agreement with my coaches that if im feeling stressed I let them know and we come to an agreement, whether it be miss the session or do an alternative activity.

Noone's easily replacable, what makes you think you are?

xxx

i am replacable she will cope just fine without me shes such a star but i rely on her 2 much its 2 much for her. the good days arent great. dont get me wrong ive got so much going for me but i cnt focus on that cus the bad stuff takes over. im sick of holding on for the next day cus it neva gets betta and i allways end up in the same place. ive got amazing support networks but uve gota know when to give up and this is it.im sorry im gonna let people down but this is my time i GIVE UP. netball has been the only thing keeping me going this is the highest level ive ever played at and im grateful for the opportunity last week i played/trained 4 times and it gave me a dsitraction but im a perfectionist when it comes to it and i often cum bk and feel like poo cus i dont feel i have played my best. i plan on tonight being my last night i have got everything here empty flat till weds my only problem is my OT is suppose to be phoning me at 1030 so ive gota be gone be4 im scared but im also relieved to be going so i guess this is good bye thank you for all the support over the years guys xxx

OK, well its your decision but I urge you to talk to your best friend first along with your other support networks.

Feel free to PM me if you want.

xxx