I still need to work on my Brit Lit paper. No motivation. It's almost 3 PM and I still haven't really gotten out of bed for more than an hour or so.

*Hugs Lia*Who's that "B" person? Don't throttle me!

*Hugs Felicia*I'm sorry you have no motivation , me either sometimes , *Extra Hugs*

Thanks, Mark.
I need to call my psych, I need to work on my paper, I need to cook for Thanksgiving (or leave the US for the rest of the week... either works.). I cannot bring myself to do anything. at all.

Oh, and I second Mark's question, Lia. I was just slightly afraid to ask it. haha.

Felicia I think you should all your Pysch first , I'm concerned about you :S
Then you will have a time and date to meet your Dr, and that might help .

I know I need to. I know, but I'm still under care of the state from 2008, cause my psych hasn't released me yet, and this means I can be hospitalized like *that*, and words cannot explain how much I hate that and don't want it.

Some people find the hospital is a positive experience for them, but I can understand why you might not want it Felicia. Although I too am worried about you :S

And Bre*ht is a playwright/director. He was a strong supporter of epic theatre and believed that plays should not be for entertainment, but to influence society and convince individuals to change the world. His plays always carry a social or political message and he doesn't like the audience to believe in what they are seeing, he doesn't want them to forget they are in a theatre. An Inspector Calls is very Brecht if anyone's heard of it. Anywho...

How are you Mark?

*Spots Shad* Hey, how are you today?

Oh Felicia Hun , I've been hospitalised in the fairly recent past and I know how scary that can be but I think if you go to your Dr and say "this is the date I have set myself to die" they will see that you are trying so hard to help yourself and they can put in extra support on the days surrounding your date , thats what my support team ( well some of them ) did they were amazing . Remember , Hospital is a vey last resort , they won't admit you unless they think you are an IMMEDIATE risk to yourself or others . *Squishes*

I'm calling... This may be the only thing I have motivation to do, but that's fine, I suppose. I'm so nervous.

*Hugs Felicia* We're all behind you :)

I'm done with sociology now and have moved onto my word count for the day. NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is slowly sucking out my soul. I like having work to do though, it makes me feel as if there's a point to it all, and I am not just totally wasting my life.

Hey, sorry I wasn't on yesterday, I went to sleep! YAY! So yeah, also yesterday morning I finally went to the hospital, I've been waiting for this appointment for like 4 months apparantly... :blink: Well I've suffered with migrains for almost 2 and a half years so I got refered to the hospital instead of going to the doctors every month. I'm on new meds. They're called Propanolol. But they have... kinda harsh side-effects. They main ones being: Dizziness, blurred vision and they can slow down my pulse - which can lead to fainting. I'm only been on them a day so far. I've taken 3 (one at night and one in the morning, started them at night - supposed to take 2 aday).
It's what happened today I'm worried about. I was lying on my bed and I suddenly felt a wave of sickness hit me and a feeling of guilt and worry settled in the pit of my stomache. And then... I started crying.... I didn't know why though. And when my mom asked what I was worrying about, I told her - while sobbing - that 'I really didn't know', then added, 'everything'.
Was this an anxiety attack? What the HELL just happened 20 minuets ago?

*Hugs Shad* That sounds horrible , are the meds helping your migraines?

Failed an exam today. Not sure what this means for my uni career but it can't be too good. Kinda out of it mentally, been drinking more than I should have the past month or so and my head feels funny today.

Shadow - I've had a few of those recently, I just don't remember them and other people have to remind me of them.

Sounds like a lot Lia *hugs*

*Cuddles Mark* been a while :)

Felicia! *snuggles* hope you're doing okay x

*snuggles everyone else* sorry my individuals suck, not really with it... Sorry for not being about much either

yep, a little. In a week i'm allowed to up the dosage... I fear I may have to. Cuz I'm still getting headaches. And after.... whatever just happened... I feel I dunno.... blank. Like something is just.... gone.

Shad, I wouldn't know about anxiety attacks, having never had one. Maybe you could google them. Good old google never fails. *Hugs*

*Hugs Sarah* I don't want to sound like a nag, so I won't say much, but please do try not to drink too much, it only masks your problems and causes bigger ones in the long run.

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sure one exam in a whole lot won't make a difference hun :)

*Hugs Shad* Perhaps you'll build up a tolerance to the meds and won't feel the side effects after a short while.

I love google. <3 go google! I always say to people: 'Google it.'

I forgot to mention that my doctor asked me as a follow on from my last appointment - where i broke down and started crying about things at school - if i wanted the child and mental health psychiatrist and I said 'I think so' cuz my mom was there with me. So i'm getting one. Do I tell them about me cutting? well, being a recovering cutter. my 2 months free is tomorrow! won't they put me in rehab or something? or tell my mom? I don't wanna go through that. I don't want her to know or my dad. I don't wanna go to rehab or anything..... So do I tell my psychiatrist? What can I tell them?

I know Lia, I try not to, is not good for me physically or emotionally...

Only worry I have Mark is our uni has some stupid minimum requirements in each assessment to pass a module. They suck about it because most you can't retake either. Its a complete joke there.

No motivation to do my assignments either. I should go and talk to my tutor but he pretty much said he doesn't think depression isn't real so I can't talk to him and the course leader really doesn't like me because I keep asking for a photocopy of his notes due to my bad hands... If I could go back 2 years I would not have done this course where I am now.

*edit* Shad, perhaps you could ask them about their confidentiality policy and under what circumstances they may or may not contact others about how you're doing.

Shad: Propranolol is a beta-blocker - a medicine used to treat high blood pressure (and sometimes anxiety) which is why one of the side effects is slowing down the pulse leading to fainting. It's possible you had an anxiety attack. Everyone who has trouble with anxiety experiences it differently. It's probably best just to keep a diary (or something) to see if this sort of thing happens again, and if so how often and so forth to see if it is a side effect. If it is, it should hopefully go away fairly quickly as your body adapts to the med. Sorry you are having to go through it though.

*hugs all*

Going to the GP today. Going to get him to take a look at my leg.
Also, my 27 month SI free milestone is in approx 2 hours. :-) - partae!! :woot:

*Hugs Shad* 2 Months Tomorrow ! Thats great :) Anything you tel to your Pysch Dr is private and confidential unless you are 1) A Minor (But you can still ask the Dr if he/she can keep it private before you divulge) or 2) A risk to yourself or others .

*Hugs Sarah Just Because*

Way to go Kahlia!!!!!:) 27 months is massive :D