Does anyone want to go to my appointment for me? :(

Urgh!!!! Today is going to one of those days. Today sucks, wish our vist was over already. curls up and hides. =[

Got a busy day today just filled up with crap but these things have to be done. Got my wii fit evening tonight, I've not been on it in weeks, I know thats bad for my physical health but I've been avoiding the weighing part as my ED has been so bad recently. Can't let the facade slip infront of Jo, she'll tell Eoghan. Blah....

Not sure how much I'll have chance to pop into the common room and catch up with you all again, but I'm thinking of you and caught up on last nights struggles - oh how I wish a huggle could make all the pain and bad stuff go away for you all. You're in my thoughts.

*appropriate tlc packages for each and every wardie*

*toddles off to smoking shelter before starting the days to do list!*

Horrible horrible day, roll on 1.30pm please :'(

Overslept .
Now I feel a bit grotty but I don't know how to feel other than that today.
Everyone seems to be struggling and I wish I knew what to say to make it all better.
Sorry I'm not doing individual replies , I don't have the energy right now.
I'm off to read your R/V thread April.
*Crosses Fingers for Helen*

*Cleans up spilt coffee *IDIOT**

okay... i think i'm doing well enough this morning to attempt individual replies. i think. i'm sorry if i miss you. :-S

lia, love, so glad that you were actually bang-tidy (where on earth did you come up with that phrase? lol...) yesterday. meeting new people, especially ones that are cute/seem to like you, can often lift your spirit. i'm glad that you got on well with jack. :) *hugs*

*hugs luke* sorry i've not responded to so many of your posts. but i agree with crimson, it's not necessarily how you look that matters (although i understand why that would too) but getting away from the ocd. anyway, a lot of guys look good with shaved heads. :) and whoever all suggested it, they're right - you could always wear bandannas or hats. there are some pretty awesome bandannas out there for motorcyclists... hehehe. ;) anyway... even still, could you buzz-cut it so you still have hair but not long enough to pull out? just a thought, dunno how you'd feel about that or if you'd find a way to pull it out... oh, and chamomile tea really does calm me down, i've found, just the soothing'ness of hot tea as long as it's not caffeinated really helps with the anxiety. so does moving about, jumping or running or walking fast, or even doing crunches. *extra hugs*

liz, thanks for coming out and talking to us about kat and what's going on. i'm guessing that thomas is the "dark" one of you that kat's been trying to figure out for awhile?? just taken from assumption there and from what you said about the "sick stuff" he's been making her read (*hugs for kat!!*)... sorry if i'm wrong!! :-/ and also, are you okay with hugs? *offers them in a jar in case you aren't*

*cuddles crimson* how are you, lovely?

*cuddles hels* i'm sorry that you're having an awful day, and i hope that your appt goes well. :( i feel bad, wish i could help you more or say something constructive, but i am unable to... since i don't really know what to say!! (and there, i'm blathering on again... :( ...sorry)

*cuddles hayley* i hope you enjoy the wii night. i'm sorry that your eating disorder has been so bad (i hate to sound weird and probing, but just curious, which ed do you have?? cos i have one too - ednos - just curious)... wish i could help you more with that too. feel free to pm me anytime, just to vent or whatever, because i like to think (as well) that i'm a good listener/reader. you've got my shoulder to cry on. same goes for all of you... no matter what you're struggling with, you can pm me. :)

*cuddles jill* what's up, sweet? how are you doing today?

*cuddles mark* you are not an idiot, i promise. everyone spills things sometimes... and that does not make you an idiot, nor does anything else that you've done. i think you're a sweet, lovely person that deserves love, health, and happiness... i'm sorry that you don't feel close to any of those things right now, and i wish i could zoom you along the path of recovery to get there. :( thanks for reading my r/v, it means a lot to me!! and yeh, sadly i do put stuff in there that i don't when i'm writing in my lj. i'm a bit more real there than i ever am in my lj. sorry you "have" to keep up with 2 things at once!! :-S

*cuddles kahlia* how're you holding up, love?

*cuddles nicole, julie, kathryn, taz, oliver, jk, and all of the other people i know i'm missing!!*

still at parents'. i'm going absolutely stir-crazy even though we were out of the house for a good amount of time yesterday. i just want to be out of here. i don't even know why it's so "bad" for me to be here, minus the fact that there is a lot more food. :-S

i hate myself so ****ing much. but no news there, ey? :'(

no closure on what jarrod's going to do about his job. i keeping wishing that God would provide us an answer and jarrod keeps asking me if i've got any illumination but me?! God's never spoken to me like He speaks to jarrod. it's so ****ing frustrating. it reinforces me feeling not "sane" enough to hear God's voice. or not "healthy" enough. i don't know. so frustrating. sorry if that was offensive to any of you who aren't Christian. :-S if it is, i'll delete it, just let me know.

i filled out most of the app for mercy ministries yesterday. now, to take a full length photo of myself (*gag*) and also get all of my records from the one hospital i went to for ect. guhhhh. :( don't want to go to res... :-S

*hides in the warren and cries there because she can't cry irl*

stupid comp logged me out... luckily i could copy this reply and paste it back!! :-/

It's just gone 1pm so *Roots for Luke*

It's been two weeks and I really want to give in. The urges just won't go away. It's too hard. :(

Sorry guys, I can't do individual replies right now, have to be back at W/E in 8 minutes.

*Hugs in a jar and tea to all*

Oh, and April, my friend Ronnie taught me it. It's gangster lingo fo the f word that isn't ****. Well, it actually means 'good' but same thing.

xx

Thanks for The hugs Hun, I'm here that's about as far as it goes today. Just want to hide today. today a **** day =(

Luke, I'm glad the appointment went well and hope the relaxation exercises work for you *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill* Why is today so **** for you? you don't have to say if you don't want to.

* Hugs Jessica* You can do it , I know those urges and hate those urges too , could you try and distract yourself or make camomille tea to calm you?


Me, Well I have the urge too, probably not as strong but it's building up :( *Sigh*
I'm gonna lay on my bed again today for a bit , I do that a LOT lately.

*pokes head in*
*catches up reading while everyone's away*
*avoids answering the question of how I am, though i did read it*
*hides in the garden tending the roses*

I had my appointment before my last post, but thank you April. It was horrible. I give up, I really do. I don't care, I'll just have to keep struggling on alone. Can survive just fine. Been suicidal with NO interventions (professional wise) and I'm still here aren't I???? I said roll on 1.30pm earlier as my Dad & Jane were picking me up. It's my best friend's birthday today. Wish I was with her like last year. I cried down the phone to her for over an hour - opps! Then ended up pouring stuff out to Jane (my Dad was listening) about today and stuff. So yeah, she was sweet about it :) Said I can always talk to her.

I'm sooooo sore after Alton Towers yesterday!!! Oh forgot to say, Jocelyn who used to post here came with us :D

*has read all the goings on and is in awe of April's ability to do the most amazing comprehensive reply!*

I haven't time to do proper reply as I need to clean up the mess from Reggie's play things before my wii evening. Tried to have an early dinner so that I won't be completely bloated and heavy when on the scales. I'll PM you April about my ED when I get the chance, not that I'm hiding it from anyone, but I forget the rules sometimes and I don't want to break any or trigger anyone.

Anyhoo, thinking of you all and wishing I had the time to spend on here as I've got pondering to do over whether to take new pain meds or go back on my crutches..... catch you in a flip-flop....

I've no motivation.
I don't want anything just to sleep and cut and cut and sleep.
I'm so sick of being so low , I can't shake it it must be well over a month now if not 2 , I don't actually remember the last day I was happy :( that's makeing me more low , I'm just a failure , I'm gonna lay down.

Have fun with your Wii Hayley *Hug*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Crimson*

*hugs Mark* I'm feeling much the same way as you. It's horrible.

Hugs mark, sorry it's taken so long to reply to u.today has been **** our overall manger was at our store today, so everyone was running around like blue arshed flys. And we of course get the usual **** about about they expect us to be all happy and chaty to customers. (1 i find that hard at the best of times.(2 yeah that would be fine if I acutally felt that way. But I don't , I'm having a hard enough time trying to be all happy around my parents. Urgh it's all bulls*it anyway and I don't care. =(

Wish I didn't feel so damn tierd all the time, lost count the times today that I just wanted t curl up somewhere and sleep. lieing on my bed now and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Lindsay*Hugs* It is horrible yes.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you had a crap day , maybe a cup of tea and some early sleep might help ?

*offers hugs to all wardies*

it's freaking cold. would any of you in the northern hemisphere like some cold weather?

i'm sorry so many of you are struggling. i wish that i could wave a magic wand, or just sort of lightly touch you on the shoulder and make it all better for you. :-(

my anxiety is really bad, and to top it off i have really severe stomach cramps. my psychiatrist put me on beta-blockers for the anxiety and (it's only day two) they aren't doing anything yet, but i know i have to give them time.

my housemate keeps forcing me to leave the house, but i really don't like it. i have to leave the house today .... i have to get some vitamin c, but i really don't want to. :-( .... especially because the stupid v8 racing cars are in our town this weekend.

sorry, i talk about myself far too much. i'll shut up now.

*grabs invisibility cloak and disappears*

TO April, and Hayley and all other WoW players . has WoW added an update? because mine sais it has and refuses to let me log on and I really could use the distraction , it just sais to try again later or contact technical support thankyou for your help guys , sorry this is off topic.

Like I said I REALLY could use the distraction , my left sleeve is all rolled up without me thinking about it and I'm not VERY safe , besides I really need to catch up with Hayley on WoW lol I'm so far behind and I haven't felt like playing and the one time I force myself to get off my backside and try and DO something it won't let me , Frustrating much!!

I'll take a few less degrees Kahlia, I'm finding it hot , I HATE Hot weather hmmm.