Hello all, I am new here and I am impressed about your side, I went through many posts and read carefully what happened to many of you.

I am still shy to talk about my past as it happened when I was very young, but it follows me through my entire life and effects me very bad. You are all so nice, and I hope I will get the strength like you guys do.

You will sweetie it just takes time and that's how this site can help you. Just keep talking to us whenever you need to and also keep reading. Anytime you need to talk just pm one or all of us and we will help you as much as we can. That's why I love this place because we are all so supportive to each other. No pressure on you posting but if you feel like sharing then please do so.

Oh and before I forget welcome to ryl!

Thank you very much Kathy, it means alot to me. I will think about it and maybe get the guts to talk about it.

Welcome genesis26... welcome. is hard at first but gets easier. but stil hurts no mater wha realy :/ *offer hugs*

*Offers safe hugs*

Your welcome genesis26. Take your time sweetie there's no rush. When you feel ready to talk we will be here for you.

oh God they dont believe me :(

I was abused by my neighbor, a girl, on several different occasions. I never understood that what she did was wrong, and quite honestly, I still think it's my fault. It's been almost 6 years since it happened, and I just told someone for the first time in April. I'm scared to face the past with my therapist, and I feel so alone because when people find out I was abused, the first think, HE RAPED HER. But I wasn't raped. And it was a girl. NO one really seems to understand that what happened to me really affected me. I don't know if I'm supposed to be angry with my abuser or just with myself, for not telling anyone. I'm scared to talk about what happened with my therapist because then that makes it real, and all I want is for it to go away.
I feel so alone all the time, but I'm glad that you made this thread.
I'm not alone. Thank you.

*crying* Can't get the big meanie out of my head, keep seeing her today,keep thinking about her wish she would go away wish could make it stop

Sometimes children get confused or angry/aggressive and don't know what to do with those feelings. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's good that you're trying to make amends for it.

They want me to talk about it, to talk about her I DON'T WANT TO why do i even have to?

They meanies. They is. Didnt do anyting cuz my dady to scared has her tak way cuz boys went way. she nees go. she bad girl. boys worse but she stil bad.

and gots question.... spose be mad or angry at people who hurt us?
been wonerin for lil bit but i not asked.

*hugs* She is wrong and should be sent away. It's not your fault. There's no way you're "supposed to" feel, but it's normal to be mad and angry at them.

i not mad or angry at any em

Oh, I thought that's what you were saying. Some people are mad, some are just sad, some are hurt, people feel a whole mess of different things. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to feel though.

what if dont eally feel anythig at alltowards em?

Then that's just how you feel, and it's ok. *Hugs*

k. i jus woner.
why she not get sent way tracie?

I don't know honey, it wasn't my choice. *hugs*

well... arent state people spose to? people found out then it just dropped. thas all. nothig more. but jus proves my point more tha people in iowa stupid. not all iowans but they dont do **** :( they is who i mad at.

Maybe if you yourself spoke to someone at children's services it might help the situation. If you called or e-mailed them to say what's happening it might help. Otherwise your dad might be telling them watered down stories of what's happening.

my dad didnt say any stories. he was in room when katie first started sayin things and he had NO clue. only minor incident few years back but he dont remember. he always exaggerates to. A LOT

They keep wanting me to talk about her, i don't want to talk about her to tell what she done, what she made me do, i really don't, i wish they would stop trying to get me to talk about it about her.
why do i even have to?

so she cant do things to others. help protect others incase. she not nice lady savannah. and only you know what happened which is why they is askin. but itll be ok. take your time tryin tell em what you can

They already know some of it so i don't know why they need to know more, i don't like having to talk about it, it don't feel ok to talk about it all feels bad and wrong.
i'm not sure how to say what i want to say, it's not really making any sense. This is all coming out wrong not the way i ment it to come out.
I am sorry

This thread should be revived. *bumps*

I guess I may be an odd fit for this forum, being a little older than most posters I've seen, I pitched up here at random so may not stay, but I want to write this somewhere and if it sinks without a trace, then no loss.

I used to self harm in my late teens and early 20s, but it was never serious and only went on for a year or so, I've had problems on and off with depression since my teens, but it's mostly under control now and I've accepted the odd flareup as a fact of life that can be endured or dealt with.

about 11 years ago I got involved with my ex wife. I had always had an attraction to 'broken' people and she fit the bill, she had an eating disorder and a coke habit and was already divorced once at 19. But I loved her and thought I could save her and when she got pregnant a month and a half into the relationship, I did what any love-blind fool would do and agreed that of course we should keep the baby, a little later we married, although not directly for that reason.

Things were never smooth but as time went on they got worse and eventually I left after about 5 years together, it would have been sooner but I couldn't bear to leave my son who I love with all my heart.

Over the last 5 years our relationship as divorced parents has gotten better if not great and at least I've never been stopped from seeing my son although that has often felt like an implied threat, whether in my mind or in reality, I am not sure. I've never been able to view my ex as a real friend or let go of the past.

a couple of nights ago I had a conversation with my girlfriend (a more loving and supportive partner I could not hope for) trying to explain the various ****ups in my head. She compared the way that I talk about my ex and specifically the excuses I make for her as sounding like a 'battered wife'.

The more I think about this the more right the comparison feels. damn near every one of gloriar's basic rights of a relationship (a great post BTW, it rings so true) was violated, I was left feeling wrong about everything, wrong just by being me. It took me to the point of considering suicide before I finally left. It put me on Prozac, because I was such a 'depressive headcase' but which I magically didn't need any more once I left her.

Nothing I did was right. Everything had to be her way, there was no compromise. When I was in the wrong I was yelled at and then expected to just get over it in minutes and not hold any grudge. Everything I did was taken as having the worst possible motives. I felt like a slave who was ordered rather than asked to do things. all through this I felt like I had the options of putting up with it or loosing my son and being alone forever. as time went by I tried desperately to change to be what she wanted, what she said I should.

I lost my self, 5 years on I still find it hard to know who I am. I still feel fear, even terror when I have to deal with her (at least once or twice a week, to see my son). Even as I type this I have to stop myself making excuses for her (she was going through a lot, it's how she was raised, she's gotten a lot better, it's not easy being a single mum).

All this while I loose sleep, because she has mentioned, oh so casually, that she might go and study abroad for a year and take my son with her. I can't tell if it's a last stab at me because she has so little left to hurt me with or if she's just oblivious to any feelings I might have.

The sick thing, the really sick thing is that I almost want her to do it (she almost certainly won't she has always been full of big plans that dissolve as soon as they require any effort), so I can be free of her. Even if I never see my son again.

I want to be free of the fear.

sorry for the essay, seems I had more to say than I realised.
Sam

Thank you Sam for bumping this, its a shame this thread has died off over the last few years because I would have found this immenselly helpful.

I posted recently about my abusive ex best friend, after reading some of the posts in here I feel much less alone and more validated about what she did to me.

Thank you for creating this thread and I hope it can go on to help newer members.

This thread = story of my life Can't trust women at all

you shouldnt trust women. or men.
they are all carved from human beans.
they have all developed the evil that comes with having the power to think

I'm starting to realise she had a huge part to play in my lack of self esteem. And the screaming and the voices are her; not a demon and not 'me'. Now I just need to work on making it stop..

*squishes zeddy*

*shakes* girls hurt me a lot

Never knew this thread existed. I was sexually abused by a woman for a few months when i was really young. I find it weird because, had it been a man instead i imagine it would have been more horrific at the time. (The abuse itself was never traumatic, im embarressed that i used to actually look forward to it). It did and has completely ****ed my mind up though in ways i don't think i would be able to describe.
However, as a man myself it is very frustarting having the urge to inflict a severe amount of physical pain on someone but not being able to do so for the simple fact men shouldn't hit women.
I suppose i'm lucky in a way though as had it have been a man, i have no doubt i would have taken matters into my own hands by now and as a result my life would be in a worse place than it already is.
Don't know what i'm trying to achieve by this comment. I hope anyone reading this is ok x

Can still hear them laughing at me *hides* :(

Thanku, hope you okay

Not a lot been in house scared to go out

I have been emotionally abused by my mother for years. It started with her telling me I was a dissapointment and an embarassment, but I never fought back and so it began to escalate. within a month it got to the point where i would come home each day to hear her yelling at me, she would saythings suchas I am unattractive, talentless, stupid, useless in every way and would never have a future. she would tell me that i was dilusional if I thought i would ever amount to anything. I cant remember a time she has ever told me she was proud of me. Looking back now I realize that she had alot to do with me begining to sh... The hardest part was knowing that even the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally couldn't love me.

Wow, that must be hard to listen to every day. Is there any way that you can talk to your mom about how you feel? Sometimes my mom says that I do things that are disappointing but I know that she is proud of me and believes in me. I used to feel like you do to but once I talked to her we worked things out and I fell better. Sometimes it helps to talk about, but I'm sorry that she yells everyday and says those things about you. I am working through my issues and know that what I do to myself is about me and am am learning to take responsibility for myself, sometimes its easier to blame others rather than work on ourself, I am learning this slowly and how to care for me. I hope you can talk to your mom and work things out, I am sure she loves you unconditionally.

*bump*