I spy Oliver and April! *huggles them tightly*

So sorry guys but I'm not up to doing individual replies tonight, I should have been medicated and in bed long ago, but I was out and not yet taken my meds as I needed to be awake enough to come on here...I needed to be on here so so badly earlier.

Thank you for all your kind words and support, I just find them hard to take at the moment, like you're just saying that to be nice but don't really mean it. But then, the little bit of sane hayley that's still here tries to slap sense into myself and listen to you.

*potentially SI triggerring and I don't know how to hide stuff*
When I was getting ready to go out earlier, I was soooo tempted to burn myself when ironing my clothes....for no real reason....I just had the urge over and over again. So I'm thinking, well where have those thoughts come from?! Oh yes, PMDD, so I have to talk to myself and convince myself that I don't really want to do it, its just my hormones sending me loopy. But, I so do want to do it. In 2days I'll be 10months free, so I'm thinking I'd rather do it before that anniversary and then I've only buggerred up 9months rather than 10months....but then I've got to try and remember that in 2weeks time I'll be on the way to being sane again and I don't want to undo all of my hard work so far. I'm just worried that in a few days the sane part of me that is managing to talk myself out of things at the moment will be to weak and quiet. Eoghan's away on exercise for a week so I was thinking I could get away with being 'naughty' and he wouldn't need to know.....

*banishes self to smoking shelter for the night*

*cuddles hayley tight before she escapes out to the smoking shelter* i wish i had more than that for you.

Oliver: I have a mink blankie, i'm so cold. I wish hubby was here.*huddles under it* Her name is Hazel-Grace. or baby haz/muppet/fish/hazel-gracie-bumps

*cuddles april back* She's 7 1/2 months old and has hit a no sleep patch since 5 months, she's completely mummy dependant cos I breast-feed and hubby works unpredictable hours (darn police force) so i'm the only constant thing in her life. I'm used to bad nights with nightmares, especially at the moment. but being woken in the middle of them by a crying baby is really screwing me up.

*hugs* I really hope that you arn't going into a mixed episode, but if you are, then I hope that you stay strong and get through it, which I'm sure you will.

Oh Hayley, love, we don't lie to each other in here... I wouldn't say nice things just to be nice. I'm honest, if nothing else good, lol. And you are a sweet, lovely person, and WILL make it through this. Just keep holding on to the fact that it's the PMDD that's making you that way... and you've come so far, 9 months is amazing!!!!, and 10 months is soo close... you can make it, sweetie. Keep fighting, keep coming on here when you can, and remember that we're all rooting for you. *big cuddles*

*cuddles Oliver* Mmm what sort of hot drink did you have? :) And yeh, I bet it still does get cold over there, it's just barely May. I'm sorry that you understand what I'm talking about... although kind of glad that someone does... :( I just texted my NP about it and hopefully she'll get back to me about it. It might be lack of sleep, I don't know, as we've been staying up a lot later than we did before Jarrod was on furlough and getting up only a little later. GRRRR. :( Sorry for whinging...

*hides some more* :crying:

i've been saying for ages i should hit the sack, im now falling apart with tiredness. the girls are going mad because they're so tired and i have such a headache it's stupid. I need to hit the pillow. I wish someone was here I'm afraid of tonight. *curls up in a ball* i have to sleep. I have to. but i know hazel is going to wake up just as I settle.

i give in. wish me luck *crawls to bed and cries self to sleep*

well I had a diet coke while I was out with my friend in canal street, and then a hot chocolate at home, yeah it odes get really cold in the evenings, which I forgot about, my friend asked if I wanted to go for a drink on canal street after youth group, so I said yeah ok, and was wearing long sleeve t-shirt and a hoody and was boiling, because it was sunny, so went home and changed into a shirt and cos it was so warm we decided to sit outside, but then it starts getting really windy and suddenly in the evening the temp suddenly drops loads.

*cuddles Hayley* I agree with April, we dont say things we dont mean in here, I think all of you are amazing and its the truth. keep fighting 9months is amazing and your so close to 10, you can do it, yeah like April said, just think its the PMDD making me think like that.

*cuddles Kat* night, I hope you manage to get some sleep, and thats a beautiful name for your baby.

*shivers in a corner*

*comes in from smoking shelter as there's a thunderstorm - eek!*

Good luck with getting some sleep Kat. Thanks for the cuddles.

Thanks April for the cuddles and honesty too.

I've just tried writing a journal entry to see if that'd help, but not really. I'm starting to twitch aswell (a lovely symptom of M.E) so I should really take my meds now, they make me drowsy, so perhaps sleep would be best for me.

*takes meds and toddles down to the bathroom to get ready for bed*

edit: ooh thanks for the cuddles Oliver. Yeah I do actually have a post it note on my mirror saying "I AM NOT LOOSING THE PLOT OR THE WILL TO LIVE. I AM HOWEVER PMDD'IN" in bright red marker pen....however.....I looked at it earlier and thought "yeah right, whatever!" lol

*comes out of bathroom, back into common room*

aha! I see Helen and Laura have joined us :-) *huggles them both tightly* Sorry I've not more at the moment.

RightyO my fellow wardies, I'm grabbing my teddy bear and going to snuggle down over there *points* with my earplugs in so that I don't freak out too much in the storm. This ward is amazing with all its time zones and weather systems *mind boggles* :crazy:

Night/morning/afternoon/evening all! :-p*group huggle* I hope I'm a bit more on an even keel after a good nights sleep.

arghh! the thunder is getting louder :cry:

night hayley, hope you have a good sleep.

*cuddles everyone and then hides*

*comes find Helen and hugs* how are you?

Low. Haha.

*cuddles Helen tight* sorry your feeling low hun, anything I an do to help?

Shoot me? :)

hi hows it going

NO Helen, *cuddles tight and stays sat next to*

Hi Julie *hugs*

:'( I can't

can't what hun?

Do this anymore :'( I'll be fine. Always fine.

*cuddles helen tight and offers to sit next to for a while*
you can do this.