Yeah... when people in my house drive me bonkers too much I tell D I'm gonna stay with a friend for the weekend. Either I get to go away for a while or he deals with the issue and I have some peace... win win guilt trip. lol

*cuddles Oliver*
Hun, you are not a freak. Please look after your cut. Have you tried explaining to him why you're confused and see what he says?

we're talking on msn now, I'm stressing I've never been in a relationship before and he has and I'm stressing over everything, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ok, he said he likes me and wants to be with me, but is scared cos the last person left him cos of his epilepsy, I'm going over to his house tomorrow night and staying over so we can chat about stuff.

*huggles Oliver* yay! *crosses fingers* hope it goes well :D

I'm sorry guys, I tried to catch up on posts but I just can't, not right now. I'll try tomorrow morning though, or later tonight. I am so ****ing anxious right now... I am so stupid... and mean-hearted on top of that!!

I got a 70% (C) on my exam... the lowest grade I've ever gotten since I switched majors (2007). That makes my class grade a C+ ... which is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!! And this is a ****ing intro level class (1000 level, and I'm taking all other 3000 and 4000 level courses [1000 = freshman, 2000 = sophomore, 3000 = junior, 4000 = senior level courses])... and this class is the one I'm doing the worst in. :crying: I AM SO DUMB!!!! :crying: I still have a final paper and the final exam to pull up my grade... so I've got to really study for those so I can at least manage a B in the course... :'(

And then I got on WoW tonight and decided to level a little toon, and got challenged to a duel by another player who was 2 levels higher than I was, and he challenged me about 6 times with me declining each time. I don't do PvP (player vs. player) and with the logistics of the classes of the toons at those levels (lvl 6 [me] and lvl 8 [him]) I wouldn't've stood a chance at winning. And so I got called a wimp, then I said: "so you have to resort to calling people names to feel good about yourself? nice..." then quickly logged off, all in a tizzy.

So, I'm mean. :'( Never should've let my temper get the better of me...

I just feel like ****. I want to die... I want to cut. But I can't, **** it all, because Jarrod's at home... well, he's out getting supper now, but... no time to really "do it properly" and be all bandaged etc. So can't. Damn it... :crying:

Sorry for the rant, just had to get it out and didn't mean for it to be here. :'(

*cuddles April* sorry its not more, but my heads not in good place right now.

*huggles April* That wasn't a mean thing to say it was honest and to the point. And you aren't stupid. Maybe you're focusing so much more on the harder classes that the easier level class got left behind so to speak but that doesn't mean you're stupid.

*cuddles Oliver* What's up? I'm feeling a bit better now, vented to a group I'm a member of on LiveJournal about the whole WoW thing and got a lot of people on my side... so I am feeling better about that at least.

*hides*

*huggles everyone and heads home for now*
Maybe I'll clean house and get around to decluttering my closet this weekend... less crap I don't need like or use and less dirt throughout the house may make me feel less stressed about the situation.

*cuddles Crimson* Thanks, love. You're right, I did kind of "leave it behind" but I really shouldn't've done that, blown it off, I knew it wasn't an easy course by the first exam when the average was a 50something%!!! (i.e., a failing grade was the average... bad) So yeah. :-/ But still... I feel oh so stupid... I can't let a C+ remain as that because it will WRECK my transcript... :'(

*hides some more*

WoW talk confuses my brain, lol.

me-bad night, see earlier post for details, but been talking to a friend and feel a little better now, even though I did cut.
plus the guy I was on about a few days ago, staying over at his tomorrow night so we can talk about stuff, which I hope will be good, he updated his fb to say he was in a complicated relationship with me:)
so my head is all over the place at the moment-sorry.

*hugs Crimson*

*huggles everyone*

I just finished cleaning the bathroom and I positively stink of sweat and cleaning products. For such a small room it takes a damn long time to clean - it took me over an hour. And I almost collapsed in the bath. I'm getting a bit sick of that.

My housemate managed to score a job interview this morning. I just keep getting rejection letters. I guess that's okay because I'm a failure, but still.

My housemate and I both had to come off the Champix (drug we were using to quit smoking) as I was severely suicidal and depressed, and he had some suicidal ideas and was starting to feel depressed as well. I believe I asked him to "Marry me and take me away from all this ..." several times. We have to rethink the strategy. Just too risky ...

So tired, and wishing that I could just crash our. We have a friend coming over this afternoon though so that might be what I need to get out of this depressive episode for an hour or so. Meh, je ne sais pas. [I don't know.]

*walks around the ward and hugs everyone then finds a dark corner to hide in until she just disappears into nothingness*

*cuddles everyone* im so annoyed. I just typed out this huge long thing responding to everyone and then my computer froze. Im sry. I <3 you all and will reply later.

*curls up and rocks in corner*

Oliver~that's awesome hun! *huggles*
April~ You can do it. I believe in you :) *hugs*
Kahlia ~ *cuddles and wishes an interview into existence*

*walk through the ward and huggles everyone*

*Waves at Katnovia* Welcome to the ward .
*Hugs Oliver* please look after your cut , don't let it get infected ok , sorry to preach.
*Hugs April* beleive me you are *NOT* stupid, way smarter than me , I agree with what Crimson said
*Group hugs*

*huggles everyone*

My housemate upset me twice today without even realising it. He said that people who had danced for years in their youth had absolutely nothing of value to society. And he said that people who did administration for a living were a waste of space. Then he asked me what was wrong. I'm struggling to hold myself together so that I don't do something stupid and try and end my pathetic life or require hospitalisation and I'm not even sure if it's worth the bother.

*screams and smashes her head into the hardest wall she can find*

So damn over this. Can't.take.any.more.../

*cuddles Kahlia gently & rocks* Try not to let what your flatmate said bother you... hard, I know, though. You ARE of worth to society, and people in admin are absolutely NECESSARY or else the whole company/whatever it is falls completely apart. (Sorry for the non-eloquence of my word choices - just got up and brain is frozen.) Please don't do anything stupid... please try to take care of yourself the best you can right now. Maybe going off the Champix will help you feel better, I don't know. *more cuddles*

*cuddles everyone* No words..

The song portion of this video is really quite lovley
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuvWvzYEv-Q&playnext_from=TL&videos=YcBe76WNhBA&feature=su b[/ame]

try and balance out from the mood of the previous song I posted .

*Hugs Wardies* I could really use lots of hugs so if ayone has some spare........