:)
my likes big bird
hes yellow =D
and i hopes you gets nice sleepies soon *nods a little*

oooo yea big birds cool to
yellow hehe

I don't know if I'm over the fact that I was hurt or if I'm just back to suppressing it again.

Why do you feel you might be "over" it love? And maybe you might feel like hiding it again because you weren't believed in therapy. *hugs gently*

i have started some therapy with a female cousellor...its really hard and makes me feel sort of wierd :(

If you feel it's that bad a match maybe you should request a male counselor. Or maybe even let her know about your past and your current discomfort?

i think its a certain ''type'' of female that makes me feel strange...i might ask for another one perhaps? im such a freak.,..

It's not strange and you're not a freak. Sometimes people are only afraid of people who resemble their abusers in appearance, accent, the way they speak, the way they dress, and certain personality traits. One of my friends used to be afraid of Italian men. *hugs* Hope it works out.

I don't know...
Keep getting flashbacks from it in the most inappropriate places.
Yeah maybe...
*hugs*

Places on your body or locations? Can you tell us what you mean? *hugs*

i have another appointment tomorrow so i guess ill see how it goes...i just get really scared...then i feel like running away and hiding or i have a panic attack..her voice fades off in to the distance and i dont feel like im ''there'' in reality..sometimes the room goes hazy...am i crazy?

You're not crazy,that sounds like disociating.

well i had the appointment today and the same thing happened...her voice faded into the distance, the room went hazy and everything freezes...i can ususally hide it but she noticed...and then i cant talk for a bit...she asked me alot of questions so i felt sort of overwhelmed ...

Locations. I'll be on a train and I'll think about it and I'll come so close to having a heart attack.

Did something bad happen to you on a train?

People looking at me. Just staring as I walk down the train. In THAT horrible way.

I have an unreal dislike of leaving stuff on trains or platforms as well

I find trains/public transport very difficult too, KitKat.

I was thinking about some things today. Idk if anyone can relate to it, really? It's a bit of a thought stream sorry.

/////////removed cos embarrassed. Sorry/////////

Sweetheart it takes a while to get used to the idea that it was abuse but you're already making progress. And about the sexuality thing? It's common for people who are in the closet to abuse children of the same gender, so maybe your mom was actually attracted to women as well and making fun of you made her feel "better". It's wrong of her to touch you and make you undress in front of others and even ask about things like the Buffy poster. *hugs gently* It's also not bad if you liked being cuddled even while naked, because you were so little and didn't understand what was going on. And lots of times parents will ignore abuse because they don't want to believe it honey. He should have noticed and done something, it's not your fault. *hugs*

I've been abused by my mother, sister, aunt, cousin & two other aunts.

Though I rarely see those other two aunts anymore, or my aunt & cousin.

But unfortunately, I daily see my mother & "sister".