Thanx Silverflame . Good news is I called a friend and she talked me through wanting to S.I. and with her help I managed not to S.I. last night .
I feel drained this morning and that triggered feeling is still at the back of my mind but at least it's not full blown triggered feeling at the front of my mind right now , does that make sense?

*Hugs to you all*

*peeks in & hides*

Yesterday was SUCH an awful day... I feel like I have a hangover from it :( you know that feeling, even though you don't drink (does anyone in here besides me not drink?) or haven't drunk anything you feel hungover? Well, that's how I feel... drained, weary, depressed, sad, frustrated... :(

Just want to die already!! or have this get better, I don't know. :(

I felt like that yesterday April and I hadn't drunk *squishes tight*

Really trying not to OD today. Hasn't been too bad of a day, but hasn't exactly been good...*sighs*

April - I barely drink. Can't stand the smell that most alcohol emits.

*cuddles everyone tightly*

Got to ring my Employment Co-ordinator and my pdoc's office again today. Meh. Am getting both an x-ray and an ultrasound on my shoulder for my GP, then have to make an appointment to see him again around about the middle of next week.

*cuddles everyone, then disappears out into the smoking shelter*

*Hugs Mammamia , April and Kahlia*

I Really feel triggered today ,I'm so sick of this , sorry :(

*cuddles Mark, Helen, Kahlia, & others I'm forgetting*

Mark, love, it's okay to be triggered and talk about it (as long as it's in a nontriggering way... if that made any sense!! lol). No sorries allowed. *more cuddles* I'm sick of this too... things just aren't going well and I don't know how to change that. :( Just found out that my confiding in another professor - other than my advisor - could cost me my internship. DAMNIT!!!! :(

I hate my life... I am so angry with myself. Yet I can still smile & laugh - WTF is wrong with me?!?!? I just want to die... yet I seem to be okay some of the time. I don't get me. I'm such a weird person. :crying:

I am so sick of this, sick of this, sick of this...

*hides in the denial tent, cuddling next to Puppy SinClair*

*Hugs April* I'm sorry you're having such a hard time . *Joins you in the denial tent and pets Puppy SinClair*

*huggles everyone*

I got an emergency appointment with my pdoc at 9 am next Thursday. Hopefully he'll change my medication, and I will start lifting from the depression. In some ways it's all just a bit too much at the moment.

This morning I have physio and then am going to drop into the university to pick up withdrawal forms for me and my housemate and then head to the library to borrow something.

Meh.

*hugs everyone then disappears into the denial tent and pats Puppy SinClair*

I think I'm losing it... I feel like I'm totally disconnected from myself right now. *shrugs* Maybe it's 'cuz I haven't been sleeping right... ~but then if we start the maybe's of my mental state that'd be a long list lately...

Kahlia~ Hope your appt goes well. *crosses fingers*

How is everyone else today?

*leaves hugs for all*

*pokes head in*
anyone around?

*cuddles everyone*

Think things might be slowly calming down again? =]

Feel like ****.

Almost my birthday :|

*cuddles helen*
happy early birthday! how old will you be this year?

*cuddles*
Will be 20 :| :| :| :|
Can't believe it?

*cuddles all and leaves some blueberry muffins on the table top*

awww you're a young'n helen :D
*cuddles jet n snags a muffin*

ah crap i give up, just want to curl up and just feel noithing cant do any of this anymore. *curls up under some blanket and hides*

*hugs shadowedsoul*

I gave in.
I gave in to the urges and hurt myself last night.
I feel wretched despite sleeping well.
I almost didn't get out of bed this morning, it was late when I did .
I can't believe I slipped up and now all I want is do it again:S
Over a months hard work wasted.

*go's and sits in the corner*

*hugs doikers*

don't beat up urself too about it, everybody goes thru periods where they slip

Maybe you learn from it? like identify the triggers or things that you could of done to avoid it?

hang in there ! x

I overdosed yesterday so that I could feel out of it. It worked and it's still working a little today. I feel better. I wish that I could OD all of the time but I get my medication weekly. I don't know what to do any more. I can't live with this pain but I can't die because of my brother.