Please... thank you... I messed up... hello guilt, hello panic... oopsie

*pokes you in the eye and bites hard* 😬

Thank you... sorry... I'm a muppet :-p *hangs about*

*squidges raining*

*pokes Matthew*

Make it stop makeit stop makeitstop makeitstopmakeitstop....
Round and round and it's gotta stop pleasepleaseplease!!!

*Comes in and hides under blankets* Just wanting to be around people.

*sneaks in and hides in corner* I have been gone from ryl for quite awhile and finally went to the doctor about my depression and anxiety attacks and am now on meds but downside is after almost a year with no slips I have recently started self harming again and I don't know why. It's like as soon as the meds started helping the depression and anxiety I fell back to self harming which makes no sense. My mind hates me I am sure of it. I shall just hide in here until life makes sense again.

*makes tea for everyone* *hides in the corner*

*lurks* sadangryuselessashamedhidingflat

*cuddles everyone*

*Pulls covers over head*

Really bad today.
So close to breaking point.
I want off the roller-coaster.

^ take everything one minute at a time. Maybe work on distractions, when things are bad distractions are the only thing to suggest.

I get distracted from my distractions right now.
It's not a roller-coaster. You can see where that's going. This is more like freestyle yoho diablo. By an un-co person like me. Lots of crashing to the ground...
Can't see straight. Bye. More tomorrow

Gently hugs everyone and offers hot drinks with marshmallows and cookies.

So over it. Wanna cry. Wanna crawl under a rock and never leave. So over it. Another day like this and I'll do it.

*plops down near you* hello. i'm feeling a little like laying on the floor and crying myself. can i join you?

if you like we can hold hands, hug, lay in silence, finger paint.....

*goes over and sits outside the fort*
hi kahlia.

Bettering now. Dont quite remember what that post was about. Possibly distress at work. It's the main thing triggering me lately.
Bit disturbed that I dont remember. But ah well. Thanks Julie/Owen/Amy/Kate.

*offers safe hugs, pillows, blankets, colouring books, crayons, markers and hot chocolates to anyone who can do with them*

Thanks for joining us in the fort Julie and co.

I'm Saphira, Kahlia's 17 year old alter, here because she nearly attempted to die and disappeared inside about a month ago. She's never been gone this long and I can't be her. Just acting like her when I have to is hard and I am terrified she won't come back. My mood is really low tonight as well and all I want to do is self harm and cry. I can't do this....

*curls up with teddy bear and tries to cry herself to sleep*

*hugs Saphira* I've been wondering about Kahlia, thanks for letting us know. Is there anything we can do?

Annie - Thank you. We are heading down to Brisbane for a three-month overdue ECT treatment in Friday and are hoping that wil both bring Kahlia back and help her feel safe. Until then we're just trying to get through and keep going, no matter what. You've already helped by talking/writing to me and allowing me to be myself.

Down, tired - probably overtired - and life keeps throwing more crappy on us.

I'll be curled up in my pillow fort cuddling my bear if anyone needs anything.

Good luck guys, stay strong.

In other news, I'm not tired. Or sleepy. And I should be.
Pixies digging at my brain. That weird plateau where I crave hurting myself, but enough brainpower left right now to stop me from following through. Think I'm going uppppp. I'll crash.

*Sprays room with anti pixie spray*

hi Saphira *takes a hot chocolates and sits near you and gently strokes you hair*

Working suck bad. Cant sleep.
Thought this year would be better. But it's already gone bad.
Maybe it's my fault.

Back from being in the psych ward... I was a bit surprised on that fact that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...

Am at work right now and am doing a lil better being focused on work... but still having a rough time with everything

*sits and feels very alone and sad*

*hands everyone a sausage*

Can I sit here and be broken?
I doubt I'll ever be free. I'll never be normal.

*sits on the couch*

Trying hard to be safe, but too emotionally broken right now

Just... struggling, I guess.
Keep trying to contact Dr but I talk myself out of it. Multitude of reasons. To see Dr and avoid Dr.

I'm useless.

Been awhile. Life is getting too overwhelming. I just want to be done with adulting. Too stressful.

So for now I think I'll curl up with my blanket and color for a bit if that's ok?

Julie & co: Thank you from all of us for giving us a safe place to talk and for just being there.

Annie: I understand what it can be like when you have a multitude of reasons to see a doctor (or any professional) and a matching multitude of reasons not to see them. Thank you for offering support to all of us and I/we really hope that you find some form of peace, even if only for a second. For me normality is something we will never achieve so I definitely hear you there.

Matt: I'm glad your experience in the psych ward wasn't as bad as you thought it would be and that you have been able to find some relief through focusing on work. *offers safe hugs and a listening ear*

Kathryn Anna: First, may I call you Kat? Secondly I'm sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment. I hope colouring and curling up is helping to give you some time away from the stresses of life.

Margo: Hi, nice to meet you. I hope that you are feeling a little better now but, and I think I speak for everyone here, we are all here if you need someone to talk to.

Thanks everyone for helping out my alters whilst I was trying to stay safe barricaded inside. I finally felt safe enough to return to the outside wall after my fourth ECT treatment in the set, partly because my doctor verbally forced me out. When I did come back out I was extremely confused, particularly about where I was and where the time had gone. Since then I've been trying to piece things together but I have noticed that my mood keeps dropping. Right now I'm guessing that my next treatment set is going to have to happen well before then normal three months but I'd rather not go through all this again.

Now I'm just going to curl up and cry with my bear, blanket and colouring stuff.

*Brotherly Hugs Kahlia*

Thanks big brother. *hugs back*

Fairly stressed right now because today we have quit smoking. Whilst the cravings aren't too bad I just don't feel right in my own skin, not to mention that the NRTs keep giving me the hiccups..... Meh.

Wow , quitting smoking's a big step , Good Luck ! (Not that you'll need it)

Thanks Mark. *hugs*

Right now the tears just won't stop falling. At this rate I'm going to be heading back down to Brisbane for more treatments before a full month is up. Hopefully the majority of the depression is from quitting smoking and will begin to ease as my body and mind adjust. For now I'm just going to curl up in my pillow fort to let the tears flow free.

I hope you are just Smoking Withdrawels , Kahlia , Hun

Thanks big brother. *hugs*

My mood just keeps dropping and I'm growing incredibly sick of crying but I'm just so tired and can't keep fighting right now. *sigh*

*disappears into her pillow fort with a hot chocolate and some marshmallows*

Clings to anything... just anything...

Hey, I'm new here but I need somewhere to sit with other people. I don't want to be alone. Can I join you all?

Of course. It's a quiet board, but we all pop in from time to time.
I did a good thing. I actually talked to a psych.
Unfortunately now I feel quite raw.

I know that feeling, and it sucks. It's awesome that you talked to someone though. Takes guts.

Thanks for the kind welcome.

can a join? not in safe place. wanting to harm. maybe worse

Comes in and hides in the corner x

Crawls in and heads for a dark corner. Need to be somewhere safe for a while

I am really struggling at the moment. So close to relapse and it's 2 and a half years since I stopped.

Is it ok if I check in here for a little while? Just hide in a blanket fort.

Maybe have a hug?

*hugs*
Thanks for that, I needed one too.

im really struggling want to do self harm or worse..... not sure how much longer i can hang on