airwolf282
19-10-2008, 06:00 AM
sorry i'm back here again wasting space on these boards. i'm being so ****ing selfish. you have every right to tell me to **** off. i'm just a selfish ****ing ******** ****.
i feel like i want to die. my wife got really mad at me for cutting today. i cut my wrist, not extremely deep or anything but bled all over my clothes. i made several fast, agressive cuts but they weren't so deep. it was very impulsive, i didn't think about what i was doing at all. i know that makes me such a ********. i asked her if she could help me patch it up so i would stop bleeding and that's when she got pissed off at me. we had a massive fight about it and i think she hates me or resents me. i just don't know how to communicate with her without us always getting angry at each other. i don't think she can take it anymore and it's clear that she's better off without me. i am a worthless husband to her, she doesn't deserve this **** anymore. i'm sure if she didn't lack self esteem and didn't have depression she would have dumped me years ago. she got put on anti depressants on her 30th birthday for christ sake. it shows how much of a burden i am to her. the only thing i have succeeded in is ****ing up everything and being a failure and a **** husband.
i feel so bad. i had to ask my mum for some money to go see my grandfather at his 80th birthday because we can't afford to pay for all the petrol as he lives 12 hours away (greedy mother****ing oil companies rob everyone in australia and having a crappy 8 year old car with a thirsty v6 engine doesn't help either). i wish we had a smaller car so we could save money there but we just don't have the money to get one. i can't even manage ****ing finances without asking for help, can't get a job, i'm just a total failure. i feel like my life is totally worthless, pointless and a complete failure.
right now i want to od. i have a whole box of antidepressants i can take. i have about half a bottle or so of bourbon i can take them with so hopefully i can just fall asleep and never wake up. it may just be what's needed to rid the world of me. it will relieve my wife so much that she won't have so much weight on her shoulders because that's all i am to her, a dead weight. i won't be able to bother anyone. i worry that it might upset my family though, that's the only thing stopping me. i should maybe think about making it look like an accident, possibly with my vehicle or motorbike. i don't know i just feel so ****ing bad. i can't even figure out a way for me to be gone. i haven't eaten today and i have been awake since 4am, it's now 4pm. i went to have some bourbon to stop me stressing out but i managed to stop myself because my wife will get really mad if i start drinking. i just wished there was a way out but i know there is not. as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow morning, things will never ever get better, only worse.
nathan :crying: :sad:
i feel like i want to die. my wife got really mad at me for cutting today. i cut my wrist, not extremely deep or anything but bled all over my clothes. i made several fast, agressive cuts but they weren't so deep. it was very impulsive, i didn't think about what i was doing at all. i know that makes me such a ********. i asked her if she could help me patch it up so i would stop bleeding and that's when she got pissed off at me. we had a massive fight about it and i think she hates me or resents me. i just don't know how to communicate with her without us always getting angry at each other. i don't think she can take it anymore and it's clear that she's better off without me. i am a worthless husband to her, she doesn't deserve this **** anymore. i'm sure if she didn't lack self esteem and didn't have depression she would have dumped me years ago. she got put on anti depressants on her 30th birthday for christ sake. it shows how much of a burden i am to her. the only thing i have succeeded in is ****ing up everything and being a failure and a **** husband.
i feel so bad. i had to ask my mum for some money to go see my grandfather at his 80th birthday because we can't afford to pay for all the petrol as he lives 12 hours away (greedy mother****ing oil companies rob everyone in australia and having a crappy 8 year old car with a thirsty v6 engine doesn't help either). i wish we had a smaller car so we could save money there but we just don't have the money to get one. i can't even manage ****ing finances without asking for help, can't get a job, i'm just a total failure. i feel like my life is totally worthless, pointless and a complete failure.
right now i want to od. i have a whole box of antidepressants i can take. i have about half a bottle or so of bourbon i can take them with so hopefully i can just fall asleep and never wake up. it may just be what's needed to rid the world of me. it will relieve my wife so much that she won't have so much weight on her shoulders because that's all i am to her, a dead weight. i won't be able to bother anyone. i worry that it might upset my family though, that's the only thing stopping me. i should maybe think about making it look like an accident, possibly with my vehicle or motorbike. i don't know i just feel so ****ing bad. i can't even figure out a way for me to be gone. i haven't eaten today and i have been awake since 4am, it's now 4pm. i went to have some bourbon to stop me stressing out but i managed to stop myself because my wife will get really mad if i start drinking. i just wished there was a way out but i know there is not. as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow morning, things will never ever get better, only worse.
nathan :crying: :sad: