Just...Stuff

[DevilzKisses]

I don't know.
Things have been kind of rough recently.
I don't really know why. Just been...sad.
Really really sad. And afraid.
I hate feeling like this.

I think...I don't know.
I don't know why. I just get really sad and it takes almost nothing to have me bursting into tears. It's kind of pathetic and embarrasing.
I don't like being sad, but it doesn't matter really what I do, it just doesn't go away.
It's just there all the time. My boyfriend makes it go away mostly, but then I go home and it comes back again. The last...month maybe has just been crap and sucky and my boyfriend asks me what's wrong but I don't know.

Things at home are pretty crappy. I try to avoid it as much as I can, but even when I'm only in for like half an hour then go to my bed my mum still finds some way to put me down, always. Or my dad. Or my sister. Someone always says something so that even if i was feeling ok when I got in I feel crappy by the time I'm going to bed.

I'm afraid, and worried. Uni and work and money.
I'm in 2nd year at uni. I have an assignment due next week, but I just can't even make a start on it. I just feel like I don' t have a clue. I knw what to do but when it comes to actually doing something my head just goes blank. And I want to do well in uni, but I...feel like I'm just not smart enough to do anything.I don't want to be as crap this year as I was last year.
Moneywise, it's not good. I feel as if I just have none and I'm not going to be able to afford anything. As it is I can't really afford textbooks and stuff for my courses.
I'm feeling all stressy and I hate it.
All the crappy ness just makes me want to hurt myself. Just...hurt.

Sometimes I want to go away. I think it would just be for the best if I just...was gone. I tried to explain it to my boyfriend but he just got all upset so now I don't want to talk about it anymore. Part of me kind of likes that he got upset, because it means he cares. But no one else would. I mean, I guess it's enough that he would but...it kind of doesnt matter. I still think it would be best if I was just gone. He'd be ok.

I want...not to be at uni anymore. But I don't really have any choice in the matter. My mum wont let me quit and I know it's my life and all that crap, it's not that simple.
I want to get married to my boyfriend and have a baby and just...have that. God, I'm so embarrassed to even admit it, but I do. And I never thought I would want to give up everything else to have it but I do.
I know it won't just be that easy, but I still want it so bad, And I know it doesnt even matter because I cant have it yet but im so sick of waiting.

I dont knwo what to do..

[Animad]

Let's get the practical things out of the way first. Most uni's have some sort of hardship fund; a pot of money that they set aside for students in a poor financial state. If you're having trouble financially then speak to your uni and they might be able to help and I know they can help quite a lot with stuff like that. Secondly, in terms of the workhave you tried talking to your lecturer/ tutor about you finding it really difficult/ not knowing what to put? It might really help not only in terms of helping you to understand it more but also they can extend deadlines for you if you feel you need it for whatever reason and sometimes by doing that it reduces some of the stress you are under and everything suddenly seems to become a lot easier. There may also be learning support staff at you uni which may be able to help. If you're really unhappy at uni then the best thing is to tell the staff. It is something I have learnt the hard way over hte last year but the staff in uni are there to HELP and they will generally try their best to help you cope better and get through successfully whilst enjoying it too and enjoying it is a very important aspect of uni which is often overlooked. So, it might be worth talking to someone, maybe your tutor or someone in charge of student welfare and see what they can do.

Secondly, have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling? Have you ever tried counselling/ therapy? It may really help you. You can often get access to this through uni so if you ask they may be able to sort it out for you or give you someone to contact. You can also go to your doctor and talk about it with them and see what they think is best.

What is going on at uni that you want to give it up? Do you know?

[sparklyshoes]

Was just about to write a reply and realised animad said it all! I hope yo get to feeling better soon x