I don't like asking for it... but can you give me some advice??

[SnowBerrySnuffles]

I'm in Spain for my 3rd year of my degree. I'm not enjoying it and I'm so tempted to book flights home but I'm trying my hardest to stick it out... but it's so tiring.
I'm tired all the time, I have no energy and I'm crying quite a lot. I know it is the start of the depression coming back and I'm staying at home a lot of the time.
It's a city I don't know well, I don't feel comfortable here and speaking is just so much effort. I have to concentrate so much and I'm just so tired!
I'm just not sure how to pick myself, I often think what can I do, but I don't know the city well enough to go and do something. My head says 'why bother trying to get to know the city' I just don't know how to have that effort to get myself out, and then once I am out, I don't have a clue what to do!
I just want to go home, and be back where I was, coming to Spain has ment that I'm slipping back into the depression, and I don't want to, I don't know how to stop it.

I just want to go home... :crying:

[Margo]

Prior going to Spain, did you think this was going to be the chance for things to get better? have you put alot of expectation on this trip and as a result far more pressure on yourself to be okay because thats what you think you should be feeling?

[SnowBerrySnuffles]

Prior to going to Spain, things were good, I came off the anti-depressants about a year before, and still haven't cut for, nearly two years. Things, were going... great. I didn't want to come to Spain, but everyone was just like, it's the chance of a lifetime, enjoy it! They are still like that, so I feel really bad for feeling bad. I'm not enjoying it and I miss my family and my home and my friends and everyine so much. They are the people who have brought me through the worst times, and they are not here. I can't even have a hug.
I feel horrendous. I want to be happy, but I can't... and I can't stop crying!

[Margo]

I didn't want to come to Spain, but everyone was just like, it's the chance of a lifetime, enjoy it! They are still like that, so I feel really bad for feeling bad.

^^^Yup.

Its alot of pressure to put on yourself. You do know that no one would think bad of you for not liking it. Its always easy to tell people it will be great when they arent involved.

You have moved from home and most importantly your safety and support. Thats not easy for even the most stable of people. Its perfectly normal to feel crappy. Its perfectly normal to feel homesick.

Geting out there and looking around will do you good. take it in small steps. Just do 30 mins at first. Get your bearings and perhaps find a nice little cafe you can have a coffe in or something. find a little haven that you can call your own and treat yourself each time you go out or pass it.

The home sickness will pass. Things will becoem easier. If you dont give it a try you will regret it later. See how the next few weeks go if you can. step by step, little by little and then look at the situation again.

Let your family know how you feel too and your friends. they will be supportive and its much better to let them know the truth rather than keep up a charade and then you getting into a situation where you are too scared to tell them because they all think you are doing great.

good luck

Matthew