So ****ing Triggered!!!!

[Yellow]

ok...today is the day im supposed to get my pain meds. my insurance says its ready to be filled.
BUT....the SUPERIOR pharmacist insists that he wont fill it because its too early!!! wont fill it until tomorrow!!!
im hurting SOOOOO bad. the flashbacks torture my body. and i have major back problems!!!

the triggering part is that this has made me to feel HELPLESS. that is not a safe feeling for me. i feel like a child that has no control at all. i feel like im at the mercy of the pharmacist.

i want to hurt myself....everywhere....even down there....and YES i said that.

i havent harmed since i got out of the hospital. and i dont want a bullying BASTARD to cause me to.

i talked to my insurance company and they said they dont know why thet wont fill it.

ive been on the phone all morning trying to sort this out and ive failed.

I DONT WANT TO FEEL HELPLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MammaMia]

Major snuggles

I hope you get it sorted soon hun. Try not harm, I know it's really hard but it's not worth it. Sorry I can't offer more hun.

[~Grace~]

Im so sorry rachel
What makes the pharmacist think that its not due today?
Dont allow them to get the better of you sweetie.
Are there any other pain killers that you take that will help to see you through?
Fight this. I know its bloody hard.
Spend time with Kelly. Dont leave yourself alone and vulnerable and at risk of harming.
Please try and stay strong until tomorrow.
Hugs and love xx

[Yellow]

thank you. xx

ive calmed myself. i took a nap then watched some tv with kelly.

one flashback today...suppose it was because i WAS so triggered.
but it still surprised and upset me because its been a few days since ive had one. when i go that long i get a shred of hope that i'll never have another one and its so discouraging when another happens.

i sorted with the pharmacy. i get my meds in the morning.....well afternoon because kelly will be taking my van to take Noa to her homeschool location for her tests. but i'll be fine. just physically hurting and feelings hurt.
its nothing ive never dealt with before.

thank you again guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Casper_Fading]

loves you.