may be gone for awhile

[Merc]

tomorrow moning i am going to the hospital and (after an expected 8-10 hour wait) i will see the on-cal psych fr assessment and will tell ALL this time too, instaed of lying thru my teeth , like i just did on the last times' OD admission.


i am SO close to using a certain tool to carve off the fat but mainly just me in general or to amputate a limb. This morning i drew a full bath with the full intention of dropping an electrical device into it......


went to see my doc today and i saw him in a state of shaking, rocking back and forth and sobbing. I have been hypo-manic for 18-20 datys now, then yesterday and today it turned on me; to full-fledged deesire to do some VERY serious harm....like last time ever damage....

He (GP) has written a note to give to the on-call psych when i finally see him, and i AM NOT l eaving without being admitted.

I will kill myself if they let me go. Simple as.

I just wanted ppl to know as i will have no comp access there, it isnt the residential care place, its the mental hospital. I know i will be locked in and supervised/checked on every 15 minues for the first 2 days and they will earch allllll my stuuff and eeven refuse me to be dressed, excpt in hospital garb, for ose two days. I also know i will locked in 24 hours a day and monitered by camera. I hate being locked in.....is scary and i just hate it...it mas me feel sicker than iam..or maybe itscause it shows me jusrtt how sick i relly am...

so hubby will update and if re are any repies i will ask him to prithem off....anything that cheers you is a precious gift in a MH, as most know already.

Iwill miss you all so much....i miss you already.

i love you all...
bye

romp

[Casper_Fading]

take you tiger with you darling.... let him look after you! *cuddles you tightly* i'm glad you're going,. I'mglad your're going to be honest. i love you so much honey! I will be thinking of you every day!!!!

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Hey Romp

I know we don't really know each other but I often read your posts and replies. You have been struggling for a long time now sweetheart. I really hope you follow through and are honest with the psych (I managed to yesterday and trust me, it is such a relief and the only way you are going to get the help you need). You make sure you get the help you need and get admitted hun. This is a brave step and everybody here is behind you. Good luck in the hospital. I can't wait to hear updates from your hubby re your improvement during your stay.

Take care

*hugs*

[shadowedseraph]

Hey Romp, i know we don't chat all that often but i just wanted to let you know that my thoughts were with you and that i think what your doing is for the best. Take care of yourself *biggest snuggles in the world* xx

[BoundNoMore]

Love ya Romp!!!
You will be missed, but please don't worry about us.
Just focus on you and your well-being.
*cuddles*
xx

[skyran]

we will miss you too, lots. but i'm glad you're seeking the help you deserve, and so glad you're going to be honest with them.
even though you won't be able to read mail or posts, we're still right by your side *hugs tight*
i'll be thinking of you, and will write as often as i can!
will your hubby be able to keep us updated?

much love,
sky xx

[riley.]

love you romp. so glad you're getting help. you so deserve it
x

[Pomegranate]

hey Romp, not been online much recently but I wanted to send you hugs and warm thoughts. I'm so proud of you for agreeing to get help. I hope it goes as easy as it can do. You CAN do this. Please don't ever give up on yourself *more hugs* xxx

[Margo]

There is obvoiusly something stronger than your illness still active inside.
While it remains there is always hope.

Much love and a well missed poke

Matthew xxx

[crazykat]

You know what Romp darling I am sooo damn proud of you for realising this is what you need right now. Your amazing strength that continues to inspire me will get you through this. Keep fighting sweetheart I will be thinking of you. Love you loads and loads
Kat xxx

[skyran]

There is obvoiusly something stronger than your illness still active inside.
While it remains there is always hope.

this is so, so true.


just came in to leave you a HUGE box of *hugs* before i go to my bed. thinking of you love.

xx

[lilmissy]

glad you will be getting the help you need
*bug hugs and much love*
xxxx

[Seraphsigh]

Get better soon, I'm so glad you're getting the help you need!!!!
*hugs*
D'Arcy

[Casper_Fading]

Hi darlin :) I hope that your day is going okay :) *cuddles* thinking of you sweetheart!

[Tears of Solitude]

My wonderful friend,

I miss you already.

You deserve this, time to get well. To be safe.

I will be waiting,
Your forever friend

Jade xxx

[Rain Keeper]

I have cried for the night, unable to post to this. I am not saying bye as you stated in your post. I love you Romp. I will be here waiting for you. I am sending you something I hope your husband can bring to you.

Never forget, NEVER,
RAin

[Casper_Fading]

hi sweetheart, thinking of you today. Was a bit windy but that sunshine was peeking throught he clouds! *cuddles tightly*

[Casper_Fading]

thinking of you sweetheart. it was very windy today but the sun was peeking through the clouds.

love you loooooooots!!!!!!!!!!!

your nnsbjb!

[irkeninvader]

Romp!

I've only just seen this thread. I hope all is going well at the hospital and they finally give you the help you need. Take care of yourself hun *lots of hugs*

[Tears of Solitude]

Missing you with all my heart. My thoughts are with you.

I just miss you, feel lost without you.

I am so happy that your getting better and that your safe.

Ill always be here for you.

Love Your Jadey Pie xxx

[Accidentally Abstract]

Hope you're doing okay in there.
Hang on. x

[Casper_Fading]

Hi honey!!!!! Today is a neeeeeeeew day! listening to some bouncy music on the radio and thinking of you :)

the weather today is strange. it's cold but half clear half black clouds. It's an interesting day but i think it's like you kow when you're feeling like rubbish but you know that happiness is just out of reach? It's one of those days in the weather today.

I hope you're day goes okay sunshine :)

[Merc]

thank you all so much.(I DID bring my tigger with me, thank you again, he helped more than you know dear jess!! *hugs you tight* [ I feel like the weather you are describing])...i dont know if im gonna cry or hit something...or have a drink....or six

Jade i missed you much too...our daily emails d your call....*cries*. But im back, VERY rough around the edges, but back....thank you for tha angel, she helped ALOT oo :o)

*loads of hugs back to everyone* o)

*crieS *

I am home and almost glad to be...except for finding one dog with the runs, another puked and ruined a mattress and mouldy cat food.

OH, and rotten meat in the fridge cos the other two never packed it up and froze it...i might be glad to be home....no one except the pets has seemed happy about it...how nice...

****!<--- yelled that a few times (after hugging all animals to bits, first ;o)! )

So not in the best of shape...I have a new psych...see him this wednesday(will update)...except his accent is so strong i dont see HOW this is going to work and he is of a different culture, which i cant see how THAT wont get 'in the way'.... and i just.....i just dont see happy times ahead.

But...i'll try....

WHY?

WHY cant I just find a good psych? A good GP?

*Feeling sorry for my self*

(OH, to boot, the hospital has 'lost' my jacket, my vest, my jeans????? WTF?????????!!!!!!! So have to go back tonight with hubby to lost and found.....double ****!! >.<)

(Ad i left my paLNT, 'sunny' (from hubby and daughter)there, too......

romp

[Casper_Fading]

oh darlin *cuddles you tight* anthony's done that before, forgot to put the meat in the freezer and not give my kitty any water. So i just reminded him again what to do and then cried into my kitty's fur. *cuddles*

give the new psych a chance sweetling. Take it slow and be honest.... *cuddles you tightly* I love you sweetheart

[Pomegranate]

Glad your back Romp :)

[ThinkingofRecovery]

How's it going hun?