Ho hum... (update in post # 28)

[BoundNoMore]

My life really sucks at the moment.
I have also heard, "sometimes things have to get worse before they get better..."
Well, for me, they just seem to get worse without ever getting any better.
*screams* I don't know how much longer I can stand this ****. http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1429.gif
I am sick of it... sick of being poor - of hubby working his ass off, and barely being able to pay rent...
sick of worrying about having the power turned off because we can't afford to pay the ****in' bill...
or worse yet, losing the apartment, and having nowhere to live.
I am sick of having debt collectors call and harass us every day.
If we told you one time we can't afford to pay you right now,
we have told you a thousand times!!!!
And unless we win the lottery, that fact is not going to change overnight!!!

Sick of being paranoid that every time hubby drives his truck,
he is gonna get pulled over for whatever reason, and get all kinds of fines...
that of course we won't be able to afford to pay...
because he has no insurance on the truck, because it got canceled due to non-payment...
or that his truck will be re-possessed because we haven't been able to make payments on it in like 4 months.
I am sick of not having money for groceries,
I am worried sick that one day very soon we will not know where our next meal is coming from
(I mean, it's not like I eat anyways *thinks me and my stupid ****in anorexic tendancies*, but still...)

ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1375.gif http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1374.gif http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1429.gif I am so fed up with this ****!!!!!

[Kuwairo]

i'm gonna reply to this properly when i'm clean and sober
just want to send love and a massive *squish* your way xxx

[Casper_Fading]

*cuddle syou tightly* i cna't help, i just wnat you to know i'm thinking of you and i hope things pick up a bit for you!!!!

[BoundNoMore]

And what makes it worse is...
Hubby was gonna change positions at work to a higher paying position,
so we could possibly have a little more money, but now he can't because he just got his 2nd coaching,
and once you get 2 coachings at Wal-Mart, you are "stuck"
(meaning you can not change positions) for a year...
a goddamn ****in year!!!!!
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1374.gif STUPID ****IN' BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/mysmiliesvb/mysmilie_1372.gif

[Casper_Fading]

oh dear. is he able to work more? or can you get benefits of some sort? i know you'r enot able to work. *cuddles*

[MammaMia]

*cuddles tightly*

I wish I had more for you. Remember I'm always here and that I love you :]

[BoundNoMore]

oh dear. is he able to work more? or can you get benefits of some sort? i know you'r enot able to work. *cuddles*no he can't work more, Wal-Mart is stupid and doesn't allow employees to get overtime
(I guess cuz they don't wanna have to pay them time and a half)...
and if a person goes over 40 hours a week, that's an automatic coaching.

Technically I can work. It's just a matter of finding someplace that is willing to hire me,
and no matter how much companies say "we don't discriminate against people with handicaps, THEY DO!!!
No one will hire me, and with the economy the way it is, it is hard for anyone to get a job -
so it is virtually impossible for someone in a goddamn wheelchair to get one >.<

*cuddles tightly*

I wish I had more for you. Remember I'm always here and that I love you :]Thanks for the cuddles Helen. They mean a lot right now. I love you too. <3

[MammaMia]

I'm glad they're some sort of use then. *hugs some more* <3

Ohhh I have to say I REALLY hate discrimination, there's no reason why they can't give you a job just because you're in a wheelchair, yeah sure they may have to adapt things for you but still. God it makes me so ****ing angry, espically having a disability myself.

[Katch]

Just wanted to pop by and give you a huge hug - I know it won't help much but I am thinking of you - I wish I could be there for you but can't really be on line much at the moment - I have just found out I wont be home as expected mid october but am not sure when yet - but please know I am thinking of you and will be there for you when I can. xxxx

[Loops]

X hugs x, i'm so sorry things are so bad right now. (squeeze)

[BoundNoMore]

Just wanted to pop by and give you a huge hug - I know it won't help much but I am thinking of you - I wish I could be there for you but can't really be on line much at the moment - I have just found out I wont be home as expected mid october but am not sure when yet - but please know I am thinking of you and will be there for you when I can. xxxx
Mommy!!!! *cuddles* thanks for the hug.

[BoundNoMore]

Must scratch... must...do...it
the areas I do it on are literally tingling
like they are screaming at me
Scratch us... you know you want to
make us look like you cut us with blades...
scratch us so hard we bleed and get all raw...
scratch scratch scratch... dammit scratch!!!!
It will make you feel better... and us too...
do it... DO IT NOW!!!!!!

I am scared I will give in :crying:

[Casper_Fading]

you dont' have to do it. you don't. you're stronger then the urge. *cuddles*

[blondiebear]

I wish I knew how to make things better for you.
*cuddles*

[BoundNoMore]

Today was pay day at Wal-Mart (and rent is also due)
so hubby went to go get his check. It is only $683.
We owe 777.55 in rent this month!!!!!!!!!!!!

**UPDATE**
he just came home early, and when I asked him
(kinda jokingly because around this time is when
he takes his lunch break, but he doesn't ever come home for lunch)
"What are you doing home?" He sat down, tears wailed up in his eyes,
and I knew... he lost his job!!!! So, yeah... *cries*

[BoundNoMore]

Well... he just left for drill.
Will be gone until sometime on Sunday.
God I feel like such a big baby, because
before he left I snuggled up in his arms and cried.
IT'S JUST DRILL... it's not like he left to go back to
Iraq... he will be back in a few days!!!! So why am I
taking it so hard? Why was it so hard to say good-bye
and let him go???? Ugh... I am pathetic...

[zowie]

*hugs you tightly* I wish I could make things better for you hun, I really do. x

[BoundNoMore]

thanks zowie...
he keeps looking/applying for jobs, but no luck yet.
Oh... and we got a letter saying our power will be cut off
if we don't pay the bill by like... 3 days ago, so yeah...
I don't know how much longer we will have power. ><

[Yellow]

oh manda....
im so sorry.
ive been stuck in a crazy financial situation for years but i always manage to find a way. hopefully things will fall into place for you.
i will say a prayer for you. i dont know your beliefs...and i pray "just in case".
*super snuggles*
loves.
xxxxx

[BoundNoMore]

Thanks Rach...
I am Pagan, but I pray so thanks.

[BoundNoMore]

Today I am experiencing something... strange
I am trying not to eat everything in sight, but
I am having a MAJOR case of the munchies!!!
I just finished eating a lot, but I am still hungry.
My tummy actually hurts cuz I've eaten so much,
and I've got a sensation in the back of my throat,
(if that makes sense to anyone... it's hard to explain,
and it sounds so weird, but it really happens... wtf?)
like I need to gag.... but for some unknown reason,
I still feel hungry!!! Ugh... what is wrong with me?!?!

[MammaMia]

*hugs tight*

Just caught up with a couple of the posts you made last few days.

How's things with your husband now? Sorted the bills out..or not?

xx

[BoundNoMore]

thanks for the hugs.
nope... we are still avoiding at least a dozen calls from creditors/bill collectors a day :(
and he still hasn't had any luck finding a job ><

[BoundNoMore]

This is exactly how I feel today (things in italics I added)

Now if there's a smile on my face
it's only there trying to fool the public
but when it comes down to fooling you
now honey that's quite a diff'rent subject.

Don't let my glad expression
give you the wrong impression
really I'm sad (and mad... and hurt and numb)
oh sadder than sad;
like a clown I pretend to be glad.

Now there's some sad things known to man
but ain't too much sadder than the tears of a clown.
when there's no one around.
just like pagliaccic did
I try to keep my sadness hid;
Smiling in the public eye
but in my lonely room
I cry the tears of a clown

when there's no one around.

Oh yeah baby
now if there's a smile upon my face
don't let my glad expression
give you the wrong impression

don't let the smile I wear
make you think I don't care.
Now if I appear to be carefree
it's only to camouflage my sadness

in order to shield my pride I try
to cover this hurt with a show of gladness.

I'm hurt and I want you to know
but for others
I put on a show.

Now there's some...

[BoundNoMore]

The power has been turned off at my apartmnet,
and my husband and I are having to stay with his
parents until we can get money to get our power turned back on.
I don't know how long that will be (hopefully not very long), and
I will have very VERY limited access to the internet (there are now
six people living in this house... 4 of which - my husband, his dad, sister,
and brother - are computer/internet hogs and constantly fight over it)
We have been here three days and this is the first chance I've had to use
it, and my sister and brother-in-law are whinning >.<

But while I have the chance - I would like to say - :ILY: and miss you all so much!!!

[Casper_Fading]

at least you have somewhere safe to stay!

oh dear, whining? silly peopls.

I hope you're alright deary *(cuddles* thinking of you

[zowie]

*Hugs*

[BoundNoMore]

We Are Back Living At The Apartment!!!!!
It is sooo good to be able to sleep in a bed again... :hehe:

[Casper_Fading]

yay!!!! *cuddles* how did the headache doc go??