Red day *SI/OD/ED/Suicide*

[zowie]

Today is a red day. When I can't cope at all, do stupid things and cry basically all day.
I've cut myself all over my body, I've taken an OD just because it makes me sleep. Couldn't bare to be awake anymore so I took loads to knock me out.
I hate myself so much, I don't want to be here anymore. Why do none of the professionals care?
I feel really faint because I've been restricting to 300kcal a day, I know it's not healthy, but I can't stand the sight of my body.
I hate how things are. And no one seems to want to help me.
The voices are really bad today. I can't stand it. I can't do this anymore.

[MammaMia]

I want to help you hun and I know loads of us on here will want to aswell. No way you can try & stay safe? *snuggles*

[zowie]

I fainted so my dad forced me to eat. I have to get rid of it all, but he's hidden all the laxatives. I hate being sick, but I have to, I'm so fat.
I don't think I can keep myself safe tonight. I'm completely at my wits end. But if I fail I'll just end up having to see people at A&E, put on a drip again and making my dad disappointed in me.
I can't stand how the professionals are treating me. They always seem to brush me off even when I'm as bad as I am now. My psych has told everyone not to send me back to hospital, and then refuses to see me when I'm in a crisis.
I can't take this anymore.

[fragile as glass]

I also have an eating disorder and problems with the lack of support from 'professionals'. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and I understand your frustration.

Why did your psych tell people not to send you back to hospital?

Could you ask your dad to sit with you tonight. Im sure he would rather do that than end up at the hospital with you again.

Hugs xx

[irkeninvader]

Is there any way you could change to a different psych who might understand you better? *hugs you*

[Casper_Fading]

Oh darlin! *cuddles you tightly* Zowie I want you try something for me. Take a step back for a minute and look at the past month. You moved forward. You made some pretty big inroads into keeping yourself safe. Now you've slipped back and I think you're punishing yourself even more than before becase you think you've failed someone. *cuddles and pets* you are a wonderful person. I bet you're gorgeous! Not eating isn't going to help. It's just going to complicate things. You know that right? Try and eat a few small things a day and trick your mind into thinking your eating less than you are. (I know how hard that is). I would be complaining about your pysch. They can't refuse you treatment, asswipe >.<

8cuddles you tightly* I love you honey bunch!!!

[zowie]

Thanks guys *weak smile*
I got through the night because I took my meds and went to sleep. Woke up a lot during the night because the voices were shouting at me.
You're so right Jess, I am taking this relapse really hard because I feel like I've let everyone down.
I'm not sure why my psych told people not to send me back to hospital. But he really doesn't seem like any help; when I took a serious OD and ended up on a drip at the general hospital, he wouldn't make an appointment for me to see him and told my CPN not to send me to hospital.
I'm starting to think I should ask for a new psych. I don't like my CPN either, my dad is friends with his brother and he told his brother I'm under his care. Also he never stays with me longer than twenty minutes and never helps.
My dad is appauled at the lack of help I'm getting, and I swear it's making me worse because it makes me feel that no one cares and im not important. x

[Casper_Fading]

*pets*

honey ask for another pysch and cpn. They don't sound very good and ask your dad to support your request? *cuddles* love you sweetheart!!!! You haven't let anyone down. This is really common, you will get through it thouhg!!!! *cuddles* you ARE imporytant and I CARE lots and lots!!!

[zowie]

Thank you :) Love you too hun.
Gotta go to college today, not looking forward to it. Last time I was in college I had to leave the lesson because I couldn't hear the teacher over the voices. x

[fragile as glass]

You ARE important and it sucks when youre crying out for help but no one listens - its very frustrating and can make you feel like its personal and that people dislike you and youre not worth it bla bla... which so isnt true.

Hold your head up high, you are just as worthy of help, compassion and support as anyone and I hope you have the strength to ask for a new psych and CPN. The worst they can do is say no and it sounds like you have notrhing to lose by asking.

*cuddles* xx

[zowie]

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going IP for a while. x

[irkeninvader]

I'm glad you're getting some help hun. Not sure if you'll see this before you go though...

I really hope it helps you, you deserve to be happy. Take care of yourself *hugs you*

[Dramatic]

Not entirely sure what to say hun..
But i just wanted to say i'm thinking of you, and if you need to chat i'm here.
Take care
Laura xx
*hug*

[Casper_Fading]

*cuddles glad you're going ip darlin! I hope it helps *cuddles lots*

[zowie]

I'm on leave from the hospital. Doing okay, self harming a lot and the voices are really bad but I'm coping in hospital. Love you all xx