a new low...***TRIG*

[Merc]

my pain meds are highly narcotic so done with 'triplicate' forms, not your normal script form..maybe you all knew that, if so, sorry.
Anyways, my idiot GP left the 26th of this month ",But no worries, dr.X and Dr.Y are in charge, they are appraised of your situation and meds, no worries...that should have been my first clue.
He leaves.
I need more pain meds
i go and the new doc
"Sorry.
I have no triplicates and neither does DR Y."
Why the **** am i not surprised.
So i talk to reception(might as well talk to the plant on the counter)
ask can you pls call around
"call who?"
OTHER CLINICS YOU DUMB BITCH!!!!
So she find ONE open another 1 1/2 hours
great
no
the woman i see first says, i'll be right baak, gone for awhile, talking to someone, then she comes back and says
"No, we can't do them, we dont do these"
So ya had to ask someone for 10 minnutes to fgure that out??!!" Rather than argue i just leave..im getiting quiet now and hubby is getting worried...i get dangerous when i go quiet. I'll take on anyone, male, female, police, i dont care. So they suggested the hospital.Great but no other option, by now im 6 hours short of pills...
so off we go for what we expect to be a 6-8 hour wait or more .(on my about 4 i guess total, There ARE miracles!!!!)
So i wait in the 1st waiting room, then see admit, then the 2nd waiting room, then another room, then i go out for a smoke, come back like a good lil doggy and go to go in my room and there's someone else in there..so in to the next room (wow a guided tour!!). I wait
and wait
and wait......
finally a pompous ass comes in and asks why are you here?
so i tell him the whole story. He says i SHOULD not still be on pan meds...well that isnt really YOU'RE call now is it asshole??!! You've seen me 4 minutes now....He says maybe you have chronic pain. Well that and a dollar will get you a coffee...so ****ing what??!!
He says "these are like sledge hammer pills. They are very strong. Well better than the morporhine they had me on in hospital for 9 days for isnt it???!!!! I cant help if ,y body takes meds really well....he suggests diazepam, i near laugh at him...im on it already (with this stuff) 3x's a day, same w/clonazepam.
So finally he comes out with his problem....after telling me three times to go to my doctor (DUH??!!) ...I might be a
drug addict off to sell it, this stuff is worth alot and we're having probs w it
OMG
My jaw near hit the floor.
How dare this pompous ass, after one 3 min. meeting suggest i'm a ****ing drug addict??!!

After several choice words, i got my script and away we went. I dont know how those IV stands fell over...funny things arent they?
where i promptly broke down in the parking lot.
I quit
I have no more fight
i wag my tail like a good lil dog, jump thru their mother****ing hoops for this...????!!!!
I just broke.
I hate to admit it but i cried and cried and cried
And here ppl are near choked w help and they refuse (i understand why, they arent ready FINE LEAVE THEM BE THEN!!!!!!!!) all over the ****ing place...and i can get nothing.
Ppl saying , well maybe i'll go to therapy today, maybe i'll go see my therapist/couns./whatever today...you dont know how ****ing lucky you are
If i come off as mad

I ****ING WELL AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At anyone in particular...no. If you arent ready, you arent ready...but for every 1 person who pisses off therapy there must be 20 dying to get it

Think about it next time.

romp

[effervescence]

i hope it helped you to rant a bit.

i've just read rachels reply to your other thread, and still thinking about it, about the actualy underlying causes of all your SI troubles. i know you can't see a counsellor/psych and sounds like atm ur not very friendly with your dr, but is there any way you could get some help with identifying and dealing with your reasons for WHY you feel like this?

[Merc]

No, not really, but thx.
As to rach's reply, i answered there, might as well answer here too. It got to that extreme because it became the next step....you know how yoou start out scratching then go to cutting, then cutting, well its like that. Previous methods stopped working so i moved on. To me it really is no more than scratching to cutting.*shrugs*.
romp
(good luck!)

[effervescence]

yeah...but, why did you need to start cutting? previous methods of dealing with...what? its ok if you dont want to talk about it, just trying to get you thinking along these lines

[Merc]

its a looonnnggg story
i started a 7-8 yo; trying to break my wrist but wasnt strong enough.
I'll take you up on it another time
im exhausted and scared
romp