i cant do this by my self

[riley.]

i cant do this , i cant do this ...i just can't do this
im so scared of losing everything
the little i've managed to find, the love i've managed to cherish- losing it all over again
if i say one thing i hurt one person, say something else, hurt someone else...cant do anything right...not at all
i just want things to be right but they always go wrong
i dont know what to say
how to make things right...i dont think i can do this
how can i ask you not to die when thats all i want for myself.

[riley.]

so close to doing ....it

[dark_light]

Sweetie can you talk to someone?
Whats going on you sound so upset?
*hugs and more hugs*
xxxxx

[Pomegranate]

*offers you hugs* you can ask someone not to hurt themselves because you care, there is nothing wrong with that and I am sure they would say the same to you. Keep fighting x

[blondiebear]

What is going on?

[pea soup]

love you becci.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[riley.]

bad od
hard to even move t oday
sorry

[blondiebear]

Sorry that you feel so awful. Do you want to talk about what triggered the OD?

[riley.]

everything is falling apart

[riley.]

/refers to journal rather than posting long insignificant shi te here

[chocostashchick]

you are not insignificant, and neither are your problems and what you have to say
and you will not do this, you will stay here and keep fighting because that is the right thing and also because that is what you want. i know the illness makes it hard to see and makes everything weird and confusing and like you are pulled in two directions, that part of you wants to go and part of you wants to stay and get help
but the illness is the wrong part and the part that wants you to go
and you are the part that is real and is the strong brave fighter and that wants to stay
just look at the fact that you are on here talking about it and reaching out - you are so brave and so strong and have come so far and you can do it hun

unfortunately i am just back from my horrid holiday and totally out of it but i will read your journal and come back and reply
but i hope you have gone to docs for od and that you are okay
take care and i will reply again for real soon
xxxooo

ps keep writing and keep posting

[pea soup]

i have nothing helpful bec...im so sorry.
im always thinking of you.
love you girly.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[chocostashchick]

okay i read your journal
you are going to take your antibiotics right now, and you are going to take them according to the doctor's orders. and that's an order. *nods firmly*
Becci, you are also going to call your doc and make an appt to have them check you out after this OD. please honey. you need to, and the palpitations are not a good sign.
you are worth something and you can get better. you are worth fighting for. the way getting better works is that if you believe it, and if you want it, it will happen if you are willing to work. it's hard and not always fun, but being ill and going through all this **** isn't fun either, so if you aren't going to have fun either way you might as well go for the way that involves fun and being well in the end, right?
i don't know the details about the person that you mention in the end, but maybe you should let them make up their own mind? you are a great person, Becci, and really smart and really kind, so i am sure that they want you in their life, but really they are the only ones who can make that decision so please don't shut them out and make the choice for them. let them decide. anyway, if they are stupid and decide that they are better off without you (which is crap), then they don't deserve you anyway and you are better off without them. but i don't think that will happen.
so please think about what i said and keep posting sweetie. talk to us and please talk to your doc.
*huge huggles*
xxxooo Callie