Scars/Cuts

[Dee]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_12_12.gifHi guys,
For some reason i've been thinking alot about my scars this week. It's a love have thing i guess. Sometimes like today i look at them and i hate the so much i think i spent an hour in the bath scubing my arms to try and wash them away. But it just made my arms really red and sore.
But when the red ones have turned white i miss and need the red ones back. when i cut i get so pissed off at myself if there only tiny cuts, i seem to have to do worse ones and end up haveing to get them dressed.
People at work well most people know i cut at work. i can't walk around showing my arms untill 99.9% of te scars are white or the tiny cuts are healed.
Just get so mad at myself for cutting and mad at myself for not cutting.

[Merc]

i understand..personally? i HATE allll of mine always...they have destroyed my chances to wear shorts {but i solved that sort of...i wanted to swim w hubby and daughter an i bought guys 'surfer shorts' so that w a kini top looked okay LOL
i dont know what advice to give hunni....someone w a better reply will be along soon
sorry i was useless
romp

[Merc]

BUMPITY-BUMP
ROMP

[effervescence]

i know how you can kind of get attached to your cuts one day and then hate them the next - i think it depends what kind of mood you're in.

getting mad at yourself isnt good and neither is further hurting yourself trying to get rid of your scars - they are a part of your history and they represent your emotions.

however, if you decide one day u cant look at them anymore, u could consider surgery, i know there is a procedure that covers them to some degree. or get a tattoo over the top of them?

needing the red ones back i can understnd, i think its partly a security thing, that your pain is now visible to you. when you get the urge to cut deeper try other things like snapping rubber bands on your skin or maybe drawing red lines on with washable pen? then u get either the feeling or the image without the damage.

hope this was helpful....kinda?

[black_sheep]

hey, i haven't got much to say, just that u're not alone in feeling that way. i bet loads of ple are the same. I swing from hating my scars to loving them, from wishing they would fade to wishing they were worse, and so on. hope ur ok x

[chocostashchick]

i definitely have a love/hate relationship with my scars and injuries
i can relate to that honey
i'm trying to accept mine, and not love them OR hate them, just accept that they are there, they are a part of me, and the don't make me better OR worse
they are as much a part of my body as my freckles
try and remember that your scars and cuts are no different - they don't make you any better or any worse, they just are. some people call them their "battle scars" because they represent our adversity and our survival to win over our illness. that is definitely true, although SI isn't the best way or the only way to keep surviving.

please don't get mad at yourself for not cutting
not cutting is a good thing, it makes you stronger
cutting creates a vicious cycle, and any pleasure or goodness that we THINK we get from it is false and temporary
and when we are done we are left with cuts and scars and the very same problems that we had before we cut

please try to stay safe
if you really want to see red and see your scars be red again, some people trying to recover have had luck using henna paint on their skin - you paint it on and let it dry overnight or for a few hours, and then pick it off (which can also be satisfying)
or you can draw on yourself with a red pen or red marker where you want to see red, like effervescence said, and if you want to see it longer you can use a permanent marker. it wont be as damaging and it will fade eventually but you can refresh it easily by redrawing it.
like effervescence also said, if you come to really not want your scars anymore you can consider laser treatment, tattooing on it, or surgical scar removal. i think for the most part that a lot of surgeons will only want to do that if you are recovered but i am not sure.

good luck honey and let us know how you are
xxxooo
callie

[Dee]

thanks for the relys

[chocostashchick]

aww don't mention it, Dee
how are you doing now?

[blondiebear]

I understand. One of the reasons I SI'd the last time is because the marks from the previous time had faded.