Ways to feel in control

[xlaurenx]

I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions. When i feel out of control i take control back by self harming or buying tablets.

Anyone got any positive ways of taking control or feeling more incontrol in a situation where your out of control without negative behaviours

[Elmer]

Control of what?

If I'm feeling unsafe and like hurting myself would help ease my distress, then I find journalling helps - pen to paper. Doesn't have to be words, doesn't even have to be pictures. I just put how I'm feeling out of my head. Texting or calling a friend, even just for an off topic chat can really help. Reminding myself of how inconvenient it is to deal with self harm - dressings, treatments, hospitals, lack of sleep, etc.

[xlaurenx]

Not to sure. An example might be good. I have psychotherapy weekly and she is providing extra support on a friday as my care co left. However she told me she wont be answering the phone if i ring her inbetween sessions ( if you can get through to my cmht. Duty can take 4 to 24 hours to call you back, or sometimes they just dont call back )
My session was on thursday when she told me about not contacting her. I had some pills i was debating about handing them in and at the end just gave them to her. I didnt even get 5 steps out the building. Paniced and went back in side saying i needed them back it was a mistake. At this point i was very anxious couldnt stand still, couldnt get words out and almost crying. No matter how much i asked/begged/ said i wouldnt do anything. She said no. I started pacing , she said i can get through this ( as in get through the situation without the tablets) i said i just needed something. Just something. That i couldnt do it without something. She told me i could and i can get through this and can do it.

She left me pacing and crying in the waiting room while she called urgently called my cmht.

I left after 40 mins but I needed more X to feel in control

So i got more then felt very scared as i was very impulsive and i gave them back to her this morning

[long road]

So to help myself feel more in control when I am feeling distressed or dissociated I try and make myself more present in the moment / distract myself by using grounding techniques.

Here are some examples of some I use that I found online and have modified slightly for my own preferences.

The 5,4,3,2,1 technique

* Name 5 things you can see in the room with you (e.g. chair, painting)
* Name 4 things you can feel (e.g. my feet on the floor, cool air on my skin)
* Name 3 things you can hear right now (e.g. people talking outside)
* Name 2 things you can smell right now or like the smell of if there are no nearby smells (e.g. toast, perfume)
* Name 1 good thing about yourself (e.g. I am strong) or Name 1 thing you can take a taste of right now (e.g. put a boiled sweet in your mouth, take a sip of a drink.)

A more advanced variant of the technique is to try and describe each thing you name related to the sense you are on (e.g. for things you see name colours and patterns, for things you touch - texture, for things you hear volume or quality of sound(harsh/soft)). However you don't have to do this if it feels too much effort.

Touch and describe an object

Find an object around you e.g. cushion, handbag, water bottle. Try to describe it as if you are explaining it to someone who has never seen it before. e.g.
“This is a cushion, it is a square shape with a red and purple, pattern of stripes…it feels soft with some hard ridges around the corners”
Repeat with different objects until you feel calm.

Memory Game
When you are feeling anxious, you need to try to reorient yourself to the present moment, and using declarative memory can help with this. e.g.
* Name as many types of dog breeds you can.
* How many cities have you visited around the world?
* Repeat the alphabet backwards.

Say your Mantra

When you are not in an anxious or distressed state, it can be helpful to develop a list of personal mantras or affirmations that help you when you become panicked, distressed or disoriented. I am not so fond of this technique but it is sometimes helpful.

Write them down somewhere and keep them in your bag or on your phone e.g.
* I am safe, I am here in the present moment.
* This feeling/ urge will pass.
* I can handle these emotions, I am strong enough.