Career, family, and crashing *trigger warning*

[beforemyway]

So, i'm 32. I'm an Executive Director of a non-profit. I am helping my sister raise her 3 amazing kids who love me a lot.

And yet here i am. I had been fine for 3 years snd now i've crashed hard. I don't know how to hide the scars. I sink i to a bad place and suddenly i don't care if i am alive or if i do something to make me lose my job... but then i DO care. I had a nightmare last night of doing something stupid and losing the kids.

Last time i struggled with this stuff i only had myself to worry about. Now, i have responsibilities. I can't let things get out of hand, and i can't takentime off to get better either.

[irkeninvader]

Can you speak to someone? A doctor, therapist, etc? (Easier said than done, I know.) It sounds like you want to stay safe, so if you reach out there should be help there for you. Can you talk to your sister about how you're feeling?

[beforemyway]

My Dr. and Therapist are aware that things have gotten bad. My dr. referred me to another therapist and a psychiatrist. I've also reached out to two of my friends. They have helped a little. I see my therapist again next Thursday, but that feels like

I have to figure out how to hide my cuts from my employees. I'm glad its almost winter. Long sleaves and sweaters will become appropriate attire soon.

I don't want to lose my job if I'm going to keep existing. But I keep swinging through these phases this week where I suddenly just don't care.

[irkeninvader]

Aw hun, I hope your referrals help. Can you let your boss know that you're in a bad place? I know its not always practical but might help them understand if you have off days at work

[beforemyway]

I don't have a boss, i am over seen by a 5 member board of directors. Don't know if all 5 of them would care to be understanding