Stagnate, Stuck and Confused

[Rynn]

I feel ... stagnate. I am not "recovered" but I have improved a lot. I am... stable. But I still engage in a lot of unhealthy habits. I am realizing my relationship with food is just as bad as it always has been, and I seem to return to self harm every 3-4 months. It'm way way better than I was 3 years ago when I hit my lowest and went into treatment, but... I'm still not "normal." I still have all these secret shameful things I do. And part of me is okay with that just being... my life.

But part of me doesn't feel like that's a very good life - nor a safe one. Like, I must be damaging my body doing all this... But I don't think I am 'bad enough' to have to see someone again (my insurance/location/work hours makes it a huge inconvenience to do so, but not impossible), and I know a lot of DBT/CBT skills by now...

I guess I just feel stuck. It's been 10 years of self harm, and though I have improved and learned a lot, it's not... over. Part of me doesn't want to ever be 'over' it. But... part of me does want to be Recovered. I suppose I am confused. And stuck. And I don't know what to do.

Maybe if someone else has felt this way, or feels this way... you might have a comment or advice or wisdom to share with me...?

[Unbreakable.]

I can relate to feeling stable, but with plenty of room for improvement.
It can be unsettling to be in that stage where you feel like you don't necessarily need treatment but you also feel like you are damaging yourself.

How about seeing someone and taking it from there?
If it is unhelpful you can decide not to do it anymore.

[Sooty]

Sometimes when you feel stagnant you may need to find a change in life to kick start your recovery with self harm. Whether this is a new job, or move house or meet someone new or start a new hobby. Sometimes having a change in situation really helps to make old habits or old coping mechanisms seem a thing of the past and help to you move on.

Sophie.x

[pugdog]

I'm in the same boat. I've gotten much better than I was, but I think I'll always be a little off. It has become part of my personal identity, I think. I think a lot of us are in the same boat here.

[Too Shy]

I know you wrote this a couple of weeks ago now, but I can very very much relate. How are you doing since then?

I have found recently that the thing that takes me towards 'recovery' most now is normal, positive life things. There can be so much therapy - and of course that is so important - and like you say, you have the CBT and DBT skills there. But I sometimes end up feeling 'out-therapied'. Like I don't want to keep talking and talking, it doesn't change my feelings. I want to do normal positive things and not have more of my life focused on my mental health.

Have you got any particular hobbies, goals, things you'd really love to experience one day?