I thought I was past this

[You! Me! Dancing!]

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I last posted. Having struggled for a few years into my first year of uni, I have spent the last 5 years pretty much ok. I'm in a settled relationship, have a good job and have bought a house.

Lately though I have been started to struggle again. I have no interest in anything and feel tired all the time, to the extent I am behind at work. I can't concentrate at work at all. All I can hear is my colleagues typing, clearing their throats, slurping drinks, the printer, the air conditioning etc. Everything is too loud it's overwhelming. This is usual office nouse that would not usually bother me.

I went to the doctors as I figured the tiredness may be anaemia or something. I was sent for basically a full check up and everything came back healthy.

I'm feeling quite stressed at work and I have had to nip to the toilets a few times lately to calm down as I've felt a panic attack looming.

I'm worried I will destroy my career if I don't sort myself out, yet I have no energy.

I exercise every day, eat healthily and sleep quite well. I feel like on the surface I'm doing a good job at playing grown ups but underneath I don't know what I'm doing!

Is this normal? I'm not sure if everyone feels a bit like this :/

[EMH]

i dont think its entirely 'normal'. yes, im sure alot of adults feel theyre not really grown up completely, and blagging it a bit, but thats something different. how youre feeling is impacting your function at carrying out day to day activities.
when you were struggling before, during uni, did the doctors help at all? were you on meds? what helped pull you out of feeling bad?
maybe go back to the GP and say that considering everything is physically okay there is something off mentally.

[You! Me! Dancing!]

Thanks for replying; )

When I was at uni I told my mum I thought I was depressed and she told me not to be silly. None of my family (including my partner) know about my history of harming or anything.

I basically spent my first year at uni doing the minimum to pass and socialised enough to avoid anyone worrying about me. Underneath it was a victory if I managed to eat dinner and have clean clothes.

I started to feel a bit better after as I lived with friends and actively tried to involve myself in things. I was out a lot and it was only really when I was alone in my thoughts that I felt down. By the time I finished my masters I had met my partner and we were planning on moving in with each other and I felt a lot better.

I just thought I had settled down and I had fixed my head in the process.

Now it's feels like its coming back.

I was able to cover it all up before but now it's affecting my job I can't.

I don't want to have to declare this to work :(

[EMH]

could you not get an afternoon off to see the GP without having to tell work the reason? You could just say you need to see the doctor but its personal

[You! Me! Dancing!]

I need to go anyway soon so I can go without anyone needing to know why. It's just whether I dare mention it :/

Meh. I do feel marginally better today. Maybe this will pass.

[EMH]

you should definitely mention it. there are things they can do to help