Please Help Me Process This

[effervescence]

This is really dumb. But today I got a papercut, a decent one, it bled and hurt. And my god do I want to cut.

To be fair to me, I have been fragile lately. Crying and being depressed etc due to various things, but until today I'd been doing okay with resisting the urge to harm. But now, I am really struggling. I just want to spiral back down to the depths.

Help?

[Margo]

I think you've realised perhaps why you want to cut already. It sounds like a perfectly normal and reasonable trigger to me.

I always find that I am better able to show restraint when I am aware of myself and my feelings so perhaps this is good for you too?

Try and be gentle with yourself and accept the feelings. Keep busy if you can and try to see it for what it is. Give yourself some credit for the self awareness you've shown. It's a positive thing!

I recommend tea and cake!

[effervescence]

I've binge eaten to try and take the urge away and now I just hate myself even more. I'm feeling like I can't cope without cutting.

[Margo]

If you have a support team can you talk to someone? Can you fill your day today and do something nice at some point? If you can find company then spend time with someone.

I know as well as anyone that if the urge is strong enough that nothing is going to stop me but I know if I'm with people I can't and there's a good chance I won't when alone again.

If you do then I'm sure you know how to look after it. If you binge then that's ok too. No one here will judge.

i still recommend tea! As for the cake? Well...cake should never be used in anger. Cake love, not war! See what I did there?

Squidge xx

[effervescence]

Cake love, not war!

:tongue2:

It's ridiculous how I can hate my scars so much and yet in the same breath want to add to them. Why am I so ****ed up?

[Margo]

Cuts it's what we know???

[effervescence]

Not sure if pun or typo...
It may be, but I want to un-know it.

[Margo]

Ooh pants! it's a typo. Apt tho.

Try to accept it for what it is. Recognise and accept the feelings. These are my x feelings and these are my y feelings. X happens when I feel such and such, and y Happens when I'm in such a mood etc.

Don't batter yourself about feeling them as they are what they are and just feelings.

Hugs and a stealth cake. Xxx

[effervescence]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck I hate these feelings though.
Really struggling tonight.

[Pi.R^2]

Sorry you're struggling so much with urges to cut. How are you feeling now?

I just wanted to say that I can relate to feeling simultaneously like you don't like your scars but also wanting to add to them. I don't really know what to suggest with regards to that feeling, but wanted to say that it is OK to feel torn between two quite opposite desires. I hope you can manage to resist the pull towards self-harming, and look to alternative strategies to manage these feelings.

[Margo]

Did you cut or refrain?

Hope you're ok. X

[effervescence]

I refrained but I hurt myself in other ways. And I've been a total bitch to my partner lately as well. I can feel the stress in me and I know I'm being horrible to those around me. My boss told me I go around work looking like I've been sucking on a lemon all the time and it's miserable.

Fun times.

[effervescence]

Thank you for caring.

[Margo]

I know it's crap and I know it sucks but try to see it as progress. I get told this all the time. I'm so hard on myself and think I've failed when I don't just snap out of something but I'm trying to accept that it's ok to feel crap and it's a step forward when I don't do bad things.

Yeah partners usually get the brunt of it. You'll be ok. I'm sure.

Take it easy xx