Getting Over Your Soulmate

[effervescence]

I fell in love with someone, and he fell in love with me. However, we can never be together. After a two year relationship I broke it off because, even though I had known all along that we could not ever stay together, it took me that long to work up the courage to do so.
I never believed in soulmates until I met him. But we were meant to be. We fit. It was perfect.
I miss him so much.
How do I begin to move on with my life?

[Margo]

You know I've thought about this all day. Tried to write a reply but I don't have the words to put over what I'm trying to say.

My situation was different but I left the love of my life and my soulmate. This was many years ago and albeit I was unhappy in the relationship it took me a very long time and a few relationships to totally be over it.

Without sounding trite the only thing I can say is time. Time heals and time lets us move on.

Keep busy and live your life. Keep on going and get back in touch with friends etc.

You will heal and you will move on. You will, if lucky, love again. Just don't go looking, like I did, for a copy of the person you once had. It will do you no good and piss off your partners. Trust me been there and worn the t shirts.

When I let go, my heart opened up and I learned to love again. You will too.

If you really really can never be together then I hope the above can help a little

Take care

Matthew x

[unfocusedaimee]

I was in a similar position and it ended up he moved on faster than I.

The long and short is to give yourself time. Be sad when you are sad and happy when you are happy.

Be kind to yourself and it will pass eventually. Be kind to yourself xx

[effervescence]

Thank you both.
It has been two months and I think about him every day. Everything reminds me of him and it's like a blade through my chest every time.
I know that two months is not long and it's going to take a long time but eventually the sharpness will fade although it will never go away. I am resigned to carrying this forever.
Matthew I have noticed I am already comparing everyone to him and I need to be mindful that it's not a helpful thing to do so thank you as well for that point.
Just at the moment it's so raw and the rest of my life is such a mess. He was also my best friend so I've lost the person that I confided in and shared my feelings with. My life is falling apart and now I don't have him anymore so I'm feeling extra alone. I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much and I know my mental state is deteriorating fast.

[unfocusedaimee]

My person was called Zak and its been a around 3 years since we last met each other. We text occasionally btu thats maybe 1 in 6 months and it still hurts to think I lost him.

It is easier now though but you will get moments that trigger memories i bet but you will learn to live with them once you have had time to heal x

[effervescence]

I'm so ****ing struggling.
Feel so desperately empty inside.

I miss him so much. I miss both him as a person and him as a companion. I am alone now in my life (again) and there is nobody to see the cuts - nothing stopping me doing it. When I knew he would see, it helped prevent me doing it so badly.

[Margo]

It's a **** feeling and I'm sorry you are feeling it.

Without sounding trite I think it's worth remembering that your mental state and your coping mechanisms are the main things that help you stop cutting. Relying on someone else is great at first but it's not the ideal.

I know partners and family can be great reasons not to do it. It's been something that's stopped me. However, when alone I can slip badly but I also know that when I can controls the urges and when I'm better and coping I don't need anyone to stop me.

I hope that makes sense and isn't condescending. I really do understand (well as much as I can)

Have a move around of stuff. If there is stuff you bought together try and remove it from sight or cover it up or jazz it up if it's furniture. Try to remove any visual triggers that make you think of him.

Keep busy and keep working in yourself.

Hugs
Xxx