Please help

[finding.my.wings]

What is the differeance between attention seeking behaviour and needing attention.

As my nurse today told me that I need attention and it's ok to need attention. The issue is when I choose to employ methods that cause harm to myself and therefore demand to attention in the form or being rescued.

But I don't understand how they are different and can only see/hear that I am am attention seeker and that it's a bad thing.

[sherlock holmes]

Everyone needs attention and to know that they are listened to. For example a lot of people get this attention by asking for help, wanting to talk about things with someone they trust, physical affection like hugs and so on. They are all direct ways of asking for attention.

In others like people with BPD or who have other MH issues for whatever reason they cannot ask for that help and attention. Maybe they tried it and it didn't work and so they found out they got the attention quicker by hurting themselves or doing other destructive things.

I've done it myself many times. And it wasn't a conscious thing- I didn't sit and think "I want attention so I'm going to cut myself and go to hospital to worry people." I was hurting deeply and I felt scared and all I could do was to hurt myself. Others responded with concern and compassion, and it became a cycle.

I can see now that I needed that care, and when I got it I liked it. I had to re-learn how to ask for that care and attention without hurting myself to force others to give it to me.

I hope that helps explain it a bit. Remember, you're not a bad person. You're doing what you've learned to do over the years for various reasons, but this can be un-learned so that you ask for help in healthy ways.

[finding.my.wings]

Thank you night circus that was really very helpful.
I totally understand what your saying ☺ I think that's what my nurse was saying also..... you just said it better.


Unfortunately hurting myself has become an effective method for getting people's attention as its easier to explain why I did it then it is to talk about why I want to.