giachan
02-07-2015, 12:52 AM
About a month ago I accepted two jobs. One was a part time job working nights, and the other was a day job that is only for the summer. When I accepted the part time job working nights I knew I didn't want it. It gave me major anxiety before I even started. The summer job I was actually excited for. I worked the night job for almost a month. Every day my anxiety worsened and I've been drinking non stop everyday before I even started working there. I kept forcing my self to go in, even though I dreaded every moment. I started getting very depressed, and getting suicidal thoughts. I have always been too afraid to quit a job. So I got wasted one day last week, and my sister and boyfriend helped me send a text to call out. I eventually quit through text, as I was too nervous and scared to quit in person or over the phone. I've been binge drinking since. On Sunday night I took a bunch of Percocet and Prozac while I was extremely drunk, and got very sick. My mom refused to take me to the hospital. I was hoping to go to get help because I feel I need it. On Monday, I was supposed to start my summer job, but besides feeling sick from drinking a ton of alcohol and taking pills, my anxiety was so high. I felt nauseous, shaky, sweaty, and sick. I felt like that all night. I had my mom call out for me on my first day of a job! I'm such a failure!!!!! I promised to go on Tuesday, but again I had too much anxiety. I ran away while everyone was sleeping, but they found me. My mom called me out again. I begged for my boyfriend to buy me some alcohol and he did as long as I went to see a Dr asap. So that afternoon, I went. The Dr told me I'm severely depressed. She said my blood pressure was high, my heart rate was extremely high, my oxygen levels were low and I am underweight. I was so anxious, but I also think I was having alcohol withdrawals. I told my mom I think that, and she told me not to tell the Dr I think that. Anyways, I got prescribed propanolol and Zoloft. When I got back from the Dr, my boyfriend wasn't home and my mom left out some money for milk. Since my family hid my wallet to prevent me from buying alcohol, I took the milk money and snuck out and bought some vodka. I ended up getting pretty drunk and got caught. I promised again I would attend work tomorrow. I took the propanolol and felt less anxious. My boyfriend just got a new job though working 10pm-6am, which scares me now because I hate being alone. I tried sleeping last night, but after about an hour of sleep I woke up very anxious. I was covered in sweat and felt dazed. I barely slept. Today I didn't even bother calling out. I feel so sick and out of control. And like a failure. I want to just fade away. I can't stop thinking and dreading going to work. I can't stop drinking either! Please help me!!