Does you depression scare you/make you anxious?

[Arienette]

To anyone else who also has bipolar,

and even people who have reoccurring depression, or another illness whatever that makes you very depressed, then you get better, then depressed again...

does your depression scare you when you're well?

Does the idea of relapsing make you an anxious wreck about mood shifts and warning signs?

Do you get scared at what you might believe or do when you're depressed?

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and finally, how do you manage this and put it into perspective so that you're not spending your well periods freaking out about what might happen, or what might be, or how depressed you might become?

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because every time i have warning signs for a low mood, and red flag markers, I get so anxious about becoming depressed. In a good way it means i definitely do everything i know i can do to help stop it or curb it or manage it...but I worry about what if one day I can't do that and I become a total living dead zombie again?

I don't know how to put it into perspective, manage these anxieties and think, "cross that bridge if it comes, when it comes" I KNOW I'm being a bit irrational, but I don't know HOW to stop it. (I know, welcome to the world of anxiety right?)

xx

[tiptoes]

I get this a lot both with low and high moods but it is worse with the low moods.

As soon as I get warning signs of low mood I get freaked out that I am going to end up as depressed as I have been in my worst episodes. It is starting to get easier though as I'm on better medication than when I had my worst episode and now I respond much better to treatment when my mood is low so it doesn't impact on my life as much. As time goes by I'm gaining more and more experiences of times when I have coped well with my depression so it is becoming less scary.

Monitoring my mood helps, I try to focus on how my monthly and weekly averages vary rather than how my mood changes from one day to another as I find it hard to distinguish between regular good/bad days and low/high moods on a day to day basis.

I keep reminding myself of my staying well plan and what actions I am meant to do when I am aware of my mood changing. It is starting to become a more slick operation as I and my team have learnt what medication and lifestyle changes help. This means that my moods are now brought under control much quicker and now last weeks rather than months.

I have also done work with my team on being able to manage whilst experiencing symptoms so my moods are less disruptive which makes them less scary.

Reminding myself the times when I have coped with depression is the thing that does help those pesky anxious thoughts about my mood. Do you have times when you have coped with the depression?

[Arienette]

No i don't yet have time when i've coped with the depression and managed to function at all. My last big one was earlier this year, since i've had warning signs that I've responded to, but nothing has been a full episode.

I think judging my mood for the week and then month is a good idea, because everyone has mood shifts day to day, and some days are good and some days are awful - thats life. I'm struggling between knowing when to say '**** things aren't right' and, 'what a rubbish day that was'

i think I've made a lot of lifestyle changes that definitely help. I don't drink much at all (because that usually makes me feel rubbish afterwards), and when i'm low i definitely don't drink. I exercise regularly, which keeps me moving and gives me a focus (I ALWAYS need a focus of some form else i give up), and I am trying to eat healthier (I'm doing the no junk july challenge)

I have alarms for sleeping and waking, and for meds - which if i stick to helps.

all of this makes it a bit easier to manage and control my moods, because if i don't do this stuff i'm pretty much at the mercy of them very quickly.

i think I'm in the early days because it's only just been acknowledged that i have these episodes, and my diagnosis and meds have only recently been changed - so now that i KNOW i have these issues, which i knew anyway, but now its been confirmed that its not just me overreacting to stuff, I'm new to managing them and knowing when it's coming or going. Before my team denied it was happening, so every time i got very unwell and/or stayed very unwell for a long time.

i guess this is why I'm scared, because i've not had an episode that i've managed to contain and take in my stride yet.

I guess it's early days.

x