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View Full Version : Struggling...


kelz1983
25-06-2015, 04:15 PM
I've been struggling for months now. It's a hard story to tell and complicated, but I'm going to try to explain. I got divorced last November. My ex husband has no contact with our 3 children and has not paid any child support. I've 100% financially supported them for the past 2 years through the separation and divorce. I was also in school up until this past May when I finally graduated.

While I was going through the divorce, working and going to school I lived next door to my ex-brother-in-law (EXBIL) and his wife. We got along very well and our kids played together often. My kids often stayed over there at night while I worked as well. I got really close to my EXBIL's wife. We became best friends. I slowly began to realize that she was in a loveless marriage too and that she was miserable. We hung out more and more and both of us started searching for escapes. (At this time I was still SI free).

We both found a video chat site that we liked and began to flirt with guys. It made us feel good to be wanted. (Neither one of us are pleased with how we look). On one of these nights we were both drinking and she leaned over and kissed me. I resisted at first, but eventually gave in and let it happen. We fell for each other. I've always only liked men. I never knew I could feel what I do for her with a woman. It's very confusing and wonderful all at the same time.

When she decided to leave her husband I was there for her the way she was for me during my divorce. Mine was much easier, however. (I should mention our relationship is 100% secret and no one knows about it). Since the separation her ex has started countless rumors and false accusations of child abuse on her and I. (He's going after me because I am helping her and he hopes to help his brother re-gain custody of our children). Everything he has filed has been dropped. The kids admitted to being coached on what to tell authorities and how to say it.

I'm struggling because I am the sole income supporting 7 people. My gf is also pregnant with her 3rd child. So soon there will be 8 of us. I am trying to pay for a lawyer for her as well. In addition I am struggling with my own health issues and the need for surgery. I'm also in the process of losing my grandmother to terminal cancer.

I've also been in the process of a move. While waiting for the new house to finish being renovated (which we've put a lot of work into) We've been stuck at my parent's house. We can't please my parent's for anything. Everything we do is wrong or not enough.

About a month ago my dad was in the hospital and I thought I might lose him. I couldn't handle the pressure of all the changes as it was and I starting cutting again. I've only done it about 3 times, but I fight the urge every single day now.

I don't want to deal... I want to avoid and I know that's not healthy. I hold a lot in bc my gf has depressive disorder and I fear making things worse for her. I worry about her and the baby she carries.. about the kids.. about failing all of them. I want the world for them.

Eir
29-06-2015, 09:50 AM
just wanted to let you know I'd read it and I'm thinking of you. I hope things start getting better for you soon *hugs*

Margo
29-06-2015, 12:20 PM
Holy ****, that's enough for a lifetime let alone a short period of time. I think anyone, regardless of mental health, would struggle. You must be exhausted.

An old therapist once said to me 'don't let the drowning hands pull you under'. That doesn't mean abandon help, but it does mean don't put yourself at risk for the sake of others. You've got to take some time for yourself. You can't fight everyone's battles and neglect your own.
I know that's easier said than done but soon you will be the one needing help and who's going to help you?

Relationships are two way. If we do everything for the other person we get neglected. Sometimes letting a loved one know we are struggling can give them strength too..
If you haven't talked to her then perhaps it's time. Soft and gentle but be honest. Ask for her support too. Together I'm sure you can get through this. But I think you need some support from her and some help elsewhere too.

Take care x