Relapse Advice Needed

[Rae Amanda]

Hello everyone,

So I've been a member of this site for many years, since my first incident at the age of 14. Since then I've come back to this site time and time again, helping others as much as i can, and seeking help myself.

At the age of 20 I'm now back, hoping someone out there can help. I recently came out as a lesbian, fell in love, and had a full breakdown all in a very small amount of time.

I'm taking anti-psychotics and suffering with mild personality disorder. The woman I love doesn't want me, probably because of my mental disorders, and a knowledge that she can do better. I cry every day, and cut nearly just as much. Suicidal thoughts are becoming stronger, more persuasive. I can't keep hold of my own mental health, I feel very weak. I feel 14 again, listening to the same music, acting the same way, and now even more incapable of pulling myself out of this pit. I'm failing university, and I don't sleep. Non of my friends call or text, no one cares about me that much to want to talk to me.

I'm finding it all too much

Any advice on this thread would be so welcome, or private messages if you wish.

Thank you

[Ballerina123]

I've been there. I get it.
I'm struggling with university too.
I want to do my best but struggle with my thoughts and behaviours.
Do you have professional help? I think you need that. X

[Bellatrix]

I agree with the above, it's important tor each out for some professional help.

If yo're feeling lonely, why don't you see if you can find your local Mind center - they have activities and groups available which might help you feel more connected to the world.

I'm sorry about your relationship ending - I know how hard that can be. Can you try collecting a photograph or two and writing a letter saying goodbye then burning or screwing it up? Sort of a final cleansing ritual.