Mood Issues and a bazillion triggers

[Arienette]

I think I'm starting to have issues again. I'm so drained (an early sign), lethargic, and unmotivated- even to do things I was excited about just last week. These are all early signs of a downer for me. I just want to crawl in bed, watch to and play PS3. And not face the world.

I keep thinking about dropping out of college even though I've nearly finished - and it would mean not going to uni.

I keep thinking about giving up on doing anything with my life. I don't want to write or read or do anything of previous importance to me. I don't even want to exercise.

I'm aware that my mood is dipping, and it has been for a few days now. I am sleeping a lot more, and needing naps again. But the thing is, I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to stop it and how to manage it before it gets too much.

This feels all too familiar but I don't know how to stop it.

Also there are plenty potential triggers at the moment: lots of college work. Partner moves out on Sunday. My cat is sick and I have to go to the vets like weekly at the moment. I feel distant from people, so am starting to get quite lonely and wanting to shut myself off from people. My landlord is trying to kill me with the electrics (nearly caught fire the other day). I don't feel safe at home since he came home because now I have to listen to the screaming all night long. I'm struggling to stay on top of eating and hygiene etc.

I feel like I need to hibernate a little but this can sometimes just be the step that lets the spiral happen.

Does anyone know any ways of stopping it in its tracks in case i just keep feeling worse at all?

I'm not feeling suicidal so I'm no real danger to myself right now, nor is it appropriate to go to A&E or anything drastic. I think I see my cc this week- but I sometimes struggle to talk to her because she is new to me and I am just adjusting to trying to trust her.

X

[Epicene]

It sounds like you've got really good awareness of what the signs of low mood are for you. I think the key thing is tying to take active steps to change things before you make drastic decisions like giving up on college etc.

Would it help to set yourself small goals each day? Like maybe to do a bit of college work, keeping up self-care and gentle exercise? It sounds like loneliness is a big thing for you right now too. Keep posting here and talking, maybe get in contact with friends via text or something too. Cutting yourself off from others is likely to make things harder.

Definitely tell you CC you're struggling. Even if she's new, give her a chance to get to know you. It sounds like you need to actively put things in place to stop things from spiralling and she may have some good advice about that.

[Arienette]

Yeah I agree. I need to put something in place to stop it getting out of hand because I always hate it when I lose stuff to being depressed that I worked so hard for.

When I come out of it I'm always hit by a loss of whatever it is I've lost, even if it's just the routine of showering regularly. Like last time I got unwell, I had worked for ages on showering more and then bam, an episode and I fall off the bandwagon.

I checked my diary. I see her in the morning at least. I want to connect with people, but I want to connect over something non mental health so I can take a step away- also when I see them we always drink and drinking alcohol when I'm a bit down only makes things worse. When im done with college im going to try and volunteer with the community cooking group again. It's better than nothing.

I think I'm feeling A bit embarrassed and ashamed to be feeling like this again. As if when will it just stabilise and stuff. I missed college and my friend text me as,in if I was ok, I don't want to tell her I'm having mh issues AGAIN seriously, I've had so many whilst ive been at college it's starting to get embarrassing.

I'm spacing out too, which always signals a low mood. Like when I was walking earlier it was like I was floating above myself and my body was mechanical, and like a robot. I hate it when I feel like a robot.

Like I'm fine to talk about mh here. I just want to hang out and play sonic racing or something with someone- you know, something fun and not detrimental to myself. X

[Epicene]

Can you do something fun and non-MH related with your college friend? It sounds like that might give you a boost and take you out of your head a bit.

Don't be ashamed of feeling the way you fee right now. It's not ideal having episodes of depression but it certainly isn't your fault and nobody would expect you to be okay just because you've 'had your turn' at being unwell before.

[Moonlight Princess]

I just wanted to agree with everything that has been said and say I hope it goes well with your CC tomorrow :)
I'm wondering if cooking is something you can do to help lift your mood. It seems like something you enjoy and having beautiful smells, tastes and textures around can be really grounding when you feel like floating off. Plus it means you'll have delicious things to eat so you can keep on top of your eating as well!

[Arienette]

I would like to do something with her but we don't hang outside of college. She works a lot and has a boyfriend alongside her study so she is always busy.

Thanks for your kind words. I need to not feel embarrassed because I know that isn't helpful, I just am getting sick and tired of having episodes all the time and feel like I should be able to manage it better by now. I suppose that is why I am going for therapy.

I will try and think of something I can do with people non mentalhealth related. I may look back into meet up groups or the local running club.

X

[Arienette]

^^^ I didn't see your post before I posted. I think cooking might be a good idea. Tonight I'm just having tuna pasta for ease, but I could make it a task to go to the shop and get some ingredients to make a good chicken cous cous or something. Something that will make me feel better about myself and that will be relaxing. Also I'm really good at chicken and spinach cous cous. *good idea* xx

[Epicene]

To be honest, it does sound like you have moved forwards a lot compared to in the past. You're really good at recognising your signs that things are getting difficult and not just pre-empting it, but actually helping yourself by putting positive things in place. A running club sounds like a great way of both getting to know people and doing a hobby you enjoy.

[Arienette]

Thanks. In the past I would have crawled into bed after the vet today. Instead I went out to Costa (actually out the house) and although I've caught up on the island, I'm not planning on staying in bed so I haven't even put my pjs on.

I think this is an improvement because before had I felt like this I would have had my pjs on all day and not gone out except to the vet because I needed to.

I can't go to the running club this Sunday bc I'm helping my partner move, but I might try and go to the Nike club on Saturdays even though it is far away last time it helped before I got too bad. I think it helped slow down my progression a little last time. That's what I'm going to aim to do.

If it happens, it happens, but if I can ease it or slow it down then that is quite good progress actually. Especially if I manage to not need to take another break from college, and still keep my appointments.

I'm still open for other ideas of how I could do this, or how other people have managed to help themselves in a similar situation.

Xx