Serialangel
11-03-2015, 01:57 AM
I've been with my diabetic psychiatrist for about 18 months, and last week he confirmed that our next appointment in two weeks time is the last one. Ever.
I've known it was coming and I can't cope with it. It's only ending because the NHS will only allow 18 months of therapy. I'm supposed to be moved on to a twice weekly programme (I currently see my psych once every two weeks) which will be a good thing, I think, I logically calculate. But I haven't got a date for when it will start, and I have bad associations with the hospital I'm being moved to, and the CMHT has been very ditzy and unreliable, and I'm just plain scared. I have a strong bond with my psychiatrist, stronger than with a lot of real life friends and family. I really genuinely trust him, and I've been pouring out my darkest, deepest thoughts into our sessions for 18 months. The idea that I won't ever get to talk to him again makes me so upset, and everytime I let myself think about it I start crying uncontrollably. It feels like losing a friend, not just access to a mental health professional. I just don't know if where I'm going will get me anything I got from him.
I can't tell how unhealthy these feelings are. This is the longest and best therapeutic relationship I've ever had. It's done on mentalisation based therapy, which creates bonds between patient and psych, and I know he's sad about it too. But I'm really not coping and I'm worried in two weeks time I'll be a danger to myself. And I'm worried in two weeks time I'll be so detached from the pain of the situation that I won't care that I'm a danger to myself. So I just plain don't know what to do. Does anyone have any pointers on losing really meaningful professional support and how to get through it???
I've known it was coming and I can't cope with it. It's only ending because the NHS will only allow 18 months of therapy. I'm supposed to be moved on to a twice weekly programme (I currently see my psych once every two weeks) which will be a good thing, I think, I logically calculate. But I haven't got a date for when it will start, and I have bad associations with the hospital I'm being moved to, and the CMHT has been very ditzy and unreliable, and I'm just plain scared. I have a strong bond with my psychiatrist, stronger than with a lot of real life friends and family. I really genuinely trust him, and I've been pouring out my darkest, deepest thoughts into our sessions for 18 months. The idea that I won't ever get to talk to him again makes me so upset, and everytime I let myself think about it I start crying uncontrollably. It feels like losing a friend, not just access to a mental health professional. I just don't know if where I'm going will get me anything I got from him.
I can't tell how unhealthy these feelings are. This is the longest and best therapeutic relationship I've ever had. It's done on mentalisation based therapy, which creates bonds between patient and psych, and I know he's sad about it too. But I'm really not coping and I'm worried in two weeks time I'll be a danger to myself. And I'm worried in two weeks time I'll be so detached from the pain of the situation that I won't care that I'm a danger to myself. So I just plain don't know what to do. Does anyone have any pointers on losing really meaningful professional support and how to get through it???