trusting people...or not...not *triggering*

[posterboxromance]

I’m sorry for wasting people’s time. It’s easier to block everyone out. I don’t trust people easily (hardly ever I know better) and I keep getting mad over and over at myself for trusting my therapist.

I feel like she’s just going to pawn me off on some jerk and honestly I don’t think I have it in me to spend months trying to convince myself that I can trust someone else. I am livid with myself for being stupid enough to trust someone in the first place. I know better. I don’t know what to do with myself.

[posterboxromance]

Thank you. It means a lot.

My therapist referred me to another place for some extra support while shes gone (shes on a trip and has been for over a month and a half). She won't be back for like another month. :ermm: But I have phone or skype appointments with her.

I wanted to tell her some crap that I trust no one else with before she left but I didn't want to do that right before she left so I waited. Now im scared that shes going to not want to work with me anymore when she gets back and I'm going to have to start learning to trust someone all over again. It took me over 4 months to get to this point and im seriously questioning whether it was a good idea in the first place.

She talks like she will still be working with me when she gets back but I don't know if shes just messing with my mind. :plain:

I called the other place she wanted me to work with also and they didn't call me back. Which is typical. I don't know why I bother all I do is waste people's time. I've played the calling other places game before. Theyl gladly take your money and pretend they care but then tell you to go somewhere else. I'm livid with myself for ever believing someone actually cared. I know better.

I screwed up my no self harming, drinking, and not eating enough in one night. I'm soooo mad at myself for trusting anyone. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm starting to feel a little bit better but I think im just burying everything.

[posterboxromance]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I hope you had a good day at work.

[posterboxromance]

Thank you Dash.

I generally do not struggle to keep trust with her between sessions. She is still seeing me twice a week it's just a phone conversation or Skype but it doesn't work quite as well. Better than nothing though.

My thoughts are based on my own past experiences.

She hasn't messed with my mind before. I honestly don't think she would. I just freaked out for whatever reason this week. My parents messed with my mind when I was younger.

I believe that she is ethical. I've dealt with some really questionable therapists in the past and shes not like them at all.

Thanks for sharing your story. *hugs*

I'm terrified that she wants me to trust the people in the group she wants me to join (although if they never call back I guess I don't need to worry much). It freaks me out. :notsure:

[posterboxromance]

Thanks again Dash. Sorry for the late response i've been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off things. She does know that I don't trust others.

I'm not exactly sure what triggered me to freak out. I think it was probably a combination of things.

It bothers me to trust others because i've been stalked in the past and people have gone behind my back before when I trusted them. I don't know people who are strangers to me and to tell them stuff in a group freaks me out because they could do all sorts of garbage with that information (harass me etc.).