Why is bpd not normal?

[Sunshine]

Do you ever feel like your "illness" is the real you and by learning to deal with it and fit in you are just diminishing your own sense of self worth?

I have bpd and I'm married. I constantly need to be talking of engaged in an activity or I get fustrated and I asked my husband why he was angry with me and ignoring me and he said that he hates the way that he can't just not talk because he doesn't have anything to say because I always think he is angry at me.

I am quiet scatty in my train of thought and Inturput people when talking to ask them questions about what they have said before they have finished talking and have a bad memory so don't remember a lot of stuff and I feel I need to sensor myself for people to like me and be around me...I do find this hard though so I'm not very good at stopping myself talking.

Then there is mood swings. The depression..the anger..the anxiety..the hyperness and I'm constantly telling myself I'm an idiot for feeling and being like this.

But why has it been decided that I am mentally unwell and my personality is flawed? What if I just want to be loved and appretiated for me?

I admit that it's bad that I have to be promoted to wash and eat (sometimes) but I'm not physically harming myself in any way anymore so why do I still feel like I'm good enough for people in my life?

I don't know if that made any sense but thanks for reading.

[Serendipity.]

I sort of understand where you're coming from. Or at least, I think the term 'personality disorder' is horrible and unhelpful.

But, I guess the reason it would be seen as a problem is that it does interfere with you being happy and stable and feeling fulfilled with your life. I don't think it is to do with people not loving or appreciating you, or you not being good enough. But working on the problems that you continue to have probably will make life easier for you.

I mean, if you think that your husband (or perhaps people in general?) are angry with you whenever they're quiet, I imagine that would be quite distressing for you. And I imagine that your husband might also feel like he is being asked to change and not accepted for how he is. So if you're able to continue working on these things, life will probably be a lot easier for you. I don't think anyone is saying that you need to take sole responsibility for all the issues with your relationships. But being aware that you have a disorder/illness/personality style that might make things more challenging can be helpful in allowing you to make things better. Does that make sense?

[Pi.R^2]

I was creating a reply in my head and then I read Hannah's and that's pretty much what I was going to say!

As Hannah said, I think it's more that BPD makes your life harder, and that's why help is offered, so that you find things slightly easier. I think there's a massive overlap between BPD symtoms and 'normal' personality traits, and therapy and treatment aren't going to change the traits that make you you, it would just aim to take some of the traits that are a little extreme and push them back into the 'normal' variation category. So for example, with your husband, you will probably always be quite sensitive to the way others are interacting with you, which is a good thing as it means you're tuned into other people moods, but the aim of therapy would be to make that just a little bit less extreme, so you're not always worrying about him being angry with you.

I hope that made sense!

[sherlock holmes]

Are you happy being depressed, angry, anxious and worried?

If not, then it means something is 'wrong'. It doesn't mean you as a person are wrong, the label 'personality disorder' should be got rid of, your personality isn't flawed. You have an illness that can be treated and then you can get better and reduce some of the thoughts and behaviours associated with BPD.

But if you're perfectly happy the way you and your life is then I suppose you don't need to change, but I suspect you aren't happy at all.

Lots of people say that personality disorders are on a spectrum, and everyone has at least some traits. It just becomes a diagnosable illness when someone has more severe traits that impact on their life and cause problems and distress.

[Sunshine]

Thank you very much for your replies.

I don't really know what I was talking about last night. I've been quiet confused and up and down in my mood. I understand that it's not normal as it does cause me distress and I would like to feel and act normal.