Depression

[worthit]

So a bit of background I guess. I've always been a bit of a negative bod and very easy to bounce to the emotional side of things and let them consume me etc.
I was in an extremely happy and perfect(genuinely) relationship for the majority of this year, that started to fade away - causing me to have anxiety issues and I started having panic attacks, lost a stone and a half in weight(I am presuming it is related to the anxiety) which I couldn't afford to lose as I am slim as it is, I then stopped eating because the anxiety had me feeling nauceous, which caused more weight loss and then more anxiety when I'd noticed my drastic weight loss (and had a manager at work gently mention to me she was worried)

Fast forward to now, about a month and a half on and I am deep into a depression, my relationship has ended and after a very tough couple of weeks I decided to go to the GP and ask for some medical help, since then I have not been at home(have my own flat, but was mostly living with my partner) and am currently at my mothers' and off sick from work.

I started Sertraline about 2.5 weeks ago had some nasty side effects and havn't yet seen any signs of it helping me at all.

I'm just at a loss really, I cannot stop my mind from obsessing over the relationship and how uncertain my life is now because we had planned the next year down to fine details. I cannot sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, and tops 5 hours a night. Last night was the best sleep I've had in weeks with 5 hours broken sleep.

I feel so alone and I am terrified to return home and back to work and try to cope on my own again as I am scared I won't be able to, I don't have anyone local to me really to lean on as I struggle socially, and my partner lived an hour away so my life never really allowed for socialising where I live/work.
I am just overwhelmed by my mind consuming me and not being able to control my emotions and to be honest it is terrifying me. I don't know how to progress and I don't know where to go from here, I feel lost and hopeless and numb and terrified.

At my mothers' I am not having to look after myself at all nor am I needing to function as I would due to not being at work etc. and I am worried that if I feel this bad now, whilst I have nothing but my mind worrying me, that it's all going to increase further the moment I have to go back to work, look after myself and try to function very much on my own.

I realise now that I have written the essay out that it's all a bit jumpy and doesn't realise have a point to it other than having my concerns written down, but I'm broken and scared and feel like I need support.

[worthit]

So I've woken up today with my mind racing again, but it feels a bit more intense. My chest is a bit thumpy as well, which I'm trying to stop.
I feel a bit out of control today, like it's all stepped up a gear or something, I don't know. I know that's not going to be the case, but still. I'm obsessive with my thinking and actions so far as well, it's only minor and I can't really explain it, but it's almost like I just let my whirring brain take over, I don't know.

[worthit]

Been a bit all over the place :-/ Came back home but spent 2 days at a friends', felt mostly ok - still not sleeping though. Came home to my place yesterday just for the night and I've had a bit of a tough time.
I'm stuck in bed at the moment, have only had about an hour's sleep and need to get back up to my mothers' for the rest of the week if I can get myself out of bed and into the car. And my anxiety is through the roof again, beta blockers don't seem to be helping at all :-(

Feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and starting to panic about if I'm ready to go back to work next week. I am hating this and feeling quite misunderstood - I know everyone is trying to help, and they claim to know what I'm going through but their words don't seem to measure up to that.

[tiptoes]

I am sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment.

It is not uncommon for antidepressants to give you side effects during the first couple of weeks I hope that they start to ease for you soon.

Typically it takes 4-6 weeks for antidepressants to start working, try to be patient. Have you gone back to your GP about your anxiety and sleep? Have you been offered any therapy in addition to the medication.

Would a phased return be possible if you are nervous about going back to work? Or if you really don't think you can cope would your GP be willing to give you another sick note to help you get back on your feet. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment even before you factor in the depression.