Igamble
05-12-2014, 12:12 AM
Two years ago, my mom was given thirty days to live. I'm in one state, she was in another. So I packed up my van and left to be by her side for the duration. So she could feel me near her, even tho she was under the, influence of many drugs, morphine, etc, anti anxiety drugs, at least I'd be there. It was handled in the worst way possible by my step father. He tried to interrupt my time with her. Didn't stop bothering me so as not to allow quality time, and wouldn't allow me to stay. I had to leave....knowing I'd never see her again. No funeral. No memorial. Nothing. So, I'm an only child. When I got home, I started sitting in this sweepstakes gambling place someone told me about. Just not wanting to hear the phone ring to tell me she was dead. It was awful. Even after she died over a month later, I still was gambling. She was a gambler. Its strange like she morphed into me. Now I've lost everything. My home all the things I worked hard for I had to sell off and now I rent a room at a friends house. I almost lost my dog that I love dearly, too, because of gambling. This is painful. My father is in a nursing home. That's a whole other story. But I was supposed to go see him after Thanksgiving. Back home in the same state my mom lived in. Because of my gambling I can't. I feel like an awful person. My Dad needs me cuz his wife even says she hates him and never visits. I feel so low. Like I should just be able to stop. But it isn't that easy. Its like being addicted to a drug. ...it gets ahold of you and doesn't let go.