mh worries

[not_so_insig]

I am scared about three things and they are effecting my mh atm.

I am scared of going IP. Last January I went IP, despite taking medication. This was because I had a very low mood and motivation. I was taken in because my psych thought that I had relapsed and he wanted me stabilised. It worked because my motivation improved, though it did take a while for my mh to recover fully.

Secondly, I had a horrendous day with the voices last Christmas Day. So much so that I had to take PRN and I spent most of the day asleep. It combined with alcohol meant that I felt kinda weird, sleepy and dizzy so I went to lie down and fell asleep for a long time. My aunt and uncle came to visit and I hardly saw them as when I finally woke up they had left. I am so scared of the voices being bad on Christmas day and my paranoia being bad. So I wont be able to join in the festivities. But part of me thinks that I wont be so bad because I am now on a higher dose of medication than what I was on last year.

Thirdly every single year ATOS keep on sending me ESA questionnaires to be sent back by the 28th December. Although I have Welfare Rights to help me (and tbh because they have photocopied the original questionnaire, nothing changes apart from my depot dosage) it is pretty stressful because it's like they dont believe me. Also it is stressful because I am not around after the 24th December and they also send me letters saying "we havent received your questionnaire". I also get stressed because I am scared that they will find me capable of work or send me for a medical. So I spend most of Christmas worrying. I wish they wouldnt send me questionnaires around Christmas time so that I could have a happy Christmas for once.

So yep. Idk what I want from this, other than to get it off my chest. I didnt think it warranted going in serious because I am not suicidal or feel like SIing, just very stressed with all the worrying.

[Ranger Fairy]

Are there any anxiety techniques that you have found helpful in the past?

Have you ever look at mindfulness to manage anxious thoughts? The reason I ask is because your anxious thoughts appear to be related to both the future and the past.

One technique I have been taught is to try and bring my horizons closer. So try to focus on what you need to think about in the present, the next hour. At the most what you need to do today. Every time you thoughts spiral into anxieties that are further away, try and bring your thoughts back to that hour that day, what you need to do now. Thinking about things further ahead can be unhelpful and anxiety provoking. I experience a lot of anxiety and find this. Try to remind yourself things any further away you can't do anything about until they are actually happening. Worrying about it in your head over and over now won't change it. You can only react to things as they happen.

Have you ever tried to rationalize your thoughts? If your worst fear did actually happen, could planning how you would deal with it help? I find sometimes thinking about it further can be unhelpful but different things help different people.

Could you remind yourself that you have gotten through similar experiences before and come out the other side even if it difficult?

Have you ever found that your anxious thinking and fears often turn out not to be as bad as you feared they would be?

When you start worrying about this things could you try and do something you find relaxing; calm music? Breathing techniques? Everytime the thoughts come try to refocus on relaxing

I understand how difficult anxiety and anxious thoughts can be, I am sorry to hear how much they are distressing you at the moment.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Ranger Fairy.

Apart from taking prn (which I have none atm, and we are having trouble getting them from the GP), I dont find anything useful.

I havent tried mindfullness.

My cpn has told me this week if they find me capable of work that both her and my psych will write letters. That they will go to tribunal if necessary and that there is no way I am capable of work atm. I have tried myself to do stuff that is beneficial for my mh and I am scared that they will say "If you can do voluntary work then you can do a paid job". But that dont help me stressing out over Christmas because ATOS are sending me letters just before. I wish they would leave it until at least January because I just want a happy Christmas without the worry of what ATOS' decision is gonna be.

But I am scared about going IP as I nearly got sectioned in Jan. I could understand if I was off my meds, but I was taking them. So it doesnt seem that meds are gonna prevent a relapse. But I recently had a higher dose of my depot, which seems to be working in terms of concentration,quietening down the voices and decision making, so I am hoping that I will keep out of being IP.

Calm music doesnt help me because it amplifies the voices, which in turn makes me more stressed. I have never been taught any breathing exercises.

[not_so_insig]

Anyone else? I am still pretty stressed and struggling. I am dreading every time the postman pushes something through the letterbox. I had a letter this morning and it took me a while to get the courage to find out what it was (it turned out to be something I ordered off eBay).